Looking Back and Wondering

I am often mystified by people who say they have no regrets in life, as I've normally managed to regret at least one thing before I brush my teeth in the morning.

There's this song by Led Zeppelin, "Ten Years Gone", that speaks to a situation that I'm finding myself in at the moment.  The lyrics are absolutely beautiful, as is the melody itself.  The story behind the song goes something like this: there was a woman with whom Robert Plant, vocalist for Led Zeppelin, had a very serious relationship during his early years as a musician.  The two were by all accounts very much in love, but she felt that she was in second place to his musical career.  So there came a point at which she said "the music or me" and Plant chose music.  "Ten Years Gone" is a reflection on that choice.

Changes fill my time, baby, that's alright with me
In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be

I can't speak for Robert Plant (although I would absolutely love to simply speak with Robert Plant), but it seems that he felt, in the writing of this song, that he had made the right choice in pursuing his music.  But there's still that looking back.  There's still that longing.  There's still that lingering question of what could have been.

Man, can I relate to that.

I think about the churches in California and Oregon and Alabama and Tennessee and everywhere else I applied...  and I wonder what could have happened.

I think about all the friendships I've had, all the connections I've made with people, all the lives that have impacted mine...  and I wonder if I made a positive difference.

I generally try my best to avoid thinking about all the girls who have come into my life that wound up leaving it...  but I wind up tearing open old scars, revisiting my past heartbreak in sadistic attempts to answer questions that are miles beyond my scope.

Is this why Paul admonishes us to forget that which is behind and focus only on that which is ahead?  Is there anything good to be gained from looking back and asking those questions?

There were good reasons for me to come to Texas.  I still feel that I made the right choice in moving here, even though almost nothing has gone the way it was "supposed to."  Does that mean that I never look back to Tennessee and the people in it?  Goodness, no.

I wonder about the cost of discipleship.  I wonder if I'm paying it.  I wonder if I'm just making things harder on myself than they have to be.

I don't blame God for things not being the way I want them to be...  but I definitely do wonder why He didn't just do me a solid and rearrange the universe to suit my every whim, I'll tell you that much...

The biggest problem that I face in my ministry is one of basic reflection.  I constantly find myself in situations where I am having to tell people the last thing that I want to hear.

"Material things won't actually make you happy, you know..."  Oh, shut up, Aaron!  What do you know?  Material things are AWESOME!

"Being right isn't the most important thing in the world."  Balderdash!  Poppycock!  Rubbish!

"You don't have to be married with kids in order to live a meaningful life."  I WILL CUT OUT YOUR LYING TONGUE IF YOU CONTINUE TO SPEAK SUCH FILTH!

"What are you complaining about?  You are alive to see another day, you have food in your stomach, a bed to sleep on, and God loves you.  Is that somehow not enough?"  No!  It isn't!  I don't have every little minute thing I want!  The universe does not bend to my every whim!  I'm temporarily inconvenienced by the fact that I am not an eternal being and can't see what's coming down the pike!  I am not, at this moment, drowning in waves of ecstasy!  My life isn't going EXACTLY the way I want it to!

I wish I was still naive enough to believe my own bull.  I wish I could honestly claim the sense of entitlement that every bit of my selfishness wants.  But instead, my rational side prevails, and I'm realizing that sometimes I just have to put up with the stuff that I don't want.  I don't know why I'm fighting the fact that I won't always get what I want.  I don't know why I can't just accept that things are the way they are, whether I gave them permission to be that way or not.

I wish I had the strength of will to get RRR out of my head.  I wish I could give up and stay that way.  I wish I could be honest enough with myself to accept that some things are just completely beyond my power.  I wish I could focus on today.  I wish I could just let go of my life and trust God while I do my best to follow Him.  I wish I wasn't so angsty.  I wish I could just stop thinking about all the things I would say if I could say them, the things I would do if I could do them, the places I would go if I could go there...  I wish I could just learn to accept what I've got, not looking back, not wanting more, not trying to control it all...

I wish I could die to myself and live exclusively for Him.  THAT would be awesome.

What does it feel like to be Earl Bingham?

Earl Bingham chews toothpicks by the handful and spits out scale replicas of the Alamo.

Earl Bingham, able harming, heal am bring.

Earl Bingham met his wife, Connie, when he rescued her from the clutches of Shanghai crime boss Lao Che, only to find theirselves and their 11-year-old comic relief Short Round embroiled in adventure with the the evil high priest Mola Ram and his Thuggee cult at Pankot Palace.

If you place a phonograph needle into the groove of Earl Bingham's right-hand thumbprint, you will hear a stereo recording of AC/DC's 1978 album Powerage.

Earl Bingham meets all state and federal standards.

Earl Bingham once ate a grilled cheese sandwich made with bread from all the wheat produced by the state of North Dakota and all the cheese produced by the state of Wisconsin in one year.  Earl finished the sandwich in four days.

Earl Bingham does NOT choose Pikachu.

Earl Bingham wins carnival games on his first attempt.

Earl Bingham convinced the Artist (then) formerly (and once again) known as Prince that the "symbol idea had gone on long enough, and really, bud, it was just silly to begin with."

Earl Bingham knows, at all times, the exact location of his car keys.  In 1984, a group of scientists from MIT tested the extent of Earl's abilities by making five copies of his keys, and shipping each key to a different continent.  Earl, after a week of sensory deprivation and mild sedation, could provide details of each key's location, from latitude and longitude in exact degrees, minutes, and seconds to the color of the couch cushion they were under.

Earl Bingham is the secret president.

Earl Bingham can detect 10W-30 motor oil at one part per billion from a distance of 10 miles.

Earl Bingham was the first person to ever say, "See you later, alligator."

But more importantly, Earl Bingham replaced my alternator and bought me dinner yesterday.

What does it feel like to be holy?  God calls us to holiness.  God never said "Be moral, as I am moral."  He wants us to be holy.  But what is holiness like?  How do we know it when we get there?

I often struggle with the difference between doing "the right thing" and "not the worst thing."  I have no shortage of personal shortcomings, and most of my closest friends will be the quickest to list them for you (or me, as the case may be).  But I really do at least try to make choices that are motivated by Love for God and Love for Others.

There is no bigger obstacle to my pursuit of holiness than myself.  I find that it is downright difficult to quit an addiction to the self.  I find it even harder to actually recognize selfishness in all its true forms.

Is it selfish for me to rack up a $80 bar tab when Corwin and I are sharing what extremely little funds we have?  Yes, absolutely.  That one's easy.  (I have not done this.)

Is it selfish for me to insist that I'm the right guy, even when another has very definitely been chosen?  Ummm...  Let me get back to you on that...  I need some more time to sulk and pout.  (How am I NOT the right guy?  I turned her on to the Beatles, for cryin' out loud...  Starting with Revolver, no less!  That is a matter of COSMIC import!  And yet I am somehow NOT the guy?)

What's the holy way to handle that?

Is it holy to go out of your way to help a dude out by replacing his alternator?  Oh, goodness...  I certainly think so...  Throw a couple burgers and a big ol' Coke on top of it...  Mercy.  I'm ready to make the man a saint.

Like I said - we're not called to be moral, we're called to be holy.  If we were called to be moral, it'd be a whole lot easier.  Just "not being bad" is a lot easier than proactively being so good I exhibit the goodness that can only come from God.

There is an enormous difference between improving the situation and just keeping it from getting worse.  I would like to be improving the world's situation with every step I take.

Earl Bingham definitely made my life a whole lot easier yesterday with a one-two punch of bein' an awesome dude.  Dinner AND reliable transportation?  The man fed me AND fixed my car?

Goodness.  Holiness, even.

I want to be less of myself.  I want to be less of the arrogant, lustful, greedy, lazy, pessimistic, hopeless, angry, manipulative, sad-sack of a man that I am when I just let myself be myself.  I want to be more like Earl Bingham.  Dude fixed my car and then iced that cake with cheeseburgers.

I want to make people's lives better.  I want to be a blessing, not a curse.  I want to show everybody the Love that I have been shown.

I just want to be holy.

The Thing about Beer Commercials

Do you remember the "Real Men of Genius" commercials from Bud Light?  Back before 9/11, they were the "Real American Heroes."  Take a look at Mr. Way Too Much Cologne Wearer.

Hilarious, n'est-ce pas?

But here's the terribly unfortunate snag: BUD LIGHT IS HORRIBLE BEER.

All of the defenses for Bud Light (as well as Coors Light, Miller Lite, Keystone Light, Natty Light, etc...) are pretty much the same: it's cold, it's chuggable, and it's cheap.  So for a few bucks and minimal commitment, you can get yourself to a state of illegal-to-drive-ness pretty quick and easy.

And if all you want is to just get yourself hammered, hey, yeah, go ahead, grab a 30 of whatever awful concoction you find lurking in the back of the cooler at the 7-Eleven and just go to town.  Puke your guts out for all I care.  Bad beer leads to bad things.

And I realize that taste is a subjective thing, and that you might enjoy terrible beers like the ones I've listed, but the thing that you've absolutely got to understand is that they're still terrible beers.  Just because you like the taste of terrible beer doesn't mean the beer isn't terrible.

There are billboards throughout the eastern part of Arkansas - the rice-growing parts - proudly stating that Budweiser and Bud Light are brewed with Arkansas-grown rice.

Wait...  Rice?  In beer?

Isn't it supposed to be a beverage of malted barley and/or wheat?  Since when has rice been a part of the equation?

Oh, right, since companies wanted to start making cheaper beer by using ingredients that still produce the alcohol necessary to get you drunk but without any of the troublesome work of making the beer taste good.

But hey...  They got some awesome commercials, right?

On the other hand, I have never seen a commercial for Hoegaarden, one of my favorite beers.  It's just delicious.  It's what beer ought to be - tasty.  Tasty and, you know... not made with rice.  Yay for wheat beer.  Exellent with a squirt of lemon.

But what about people who have never had anything other than terrible beer?  What do we do with these poor souls?  How do you show them that there's something better?  Can you do anything other than just pour one?

I look at beer and I see churches.

I see churches that have these amazing programs designed to get people into the door, enormous undertakings to get the church name recognition in the community, big trips to get the kids excited about coming to church...

But once you get there, it's just another batch of the same watered-down swill everywhere else.  It's been comprimised in the name of making it easier, cheaper...  lamer.

I've found myself in more and more situations recently where I've had to clarify my stance on denominationalism (it stinks) and explain to people that all I'm trying to do is follow Jesus.  I'm not trying to follow Him the way Martin Luther said to follow Him, nor Alexander Campbell, nor Billy Graham, nor Pope Bocephus the Awesome XII.

(He was a pope, right?)

And I cannot help but see that there are so many things that so many other people in so many other churches get so hung up on because they're trying to filter Jesus through everything else they've ever been told instead of trying to filter everything else through Jesus.

When you make beer with things that aren't supposed to be in beer, you get terrible beer.  (Or Dogfish Head.)

When you make Christianity with things other than what Jesus said, you get...  well, you get every problem people have ever had with Christianity.

Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Love others as you Love yourself.

THAT'S IT.

There are no more ingredients involved in this recipe.  There are no more pieces to the puzzle.  There are no more Legos necessary for this spaceship.  This is it.  This is all it's about.  Everything else - EVERYTHING. ELSE. - falls into one or both of those two categories, and those two categories fall into each other.  Love for God is carried out in Love for others, and Love to others is Love for God.  That's BIBLE.  Matthew 22.  The epistle of James.  Everything written by John.

I could go on, but I really hope you catch what I'm slinging here.

The conundrum is that I don't know of any better way to show people what Jesus was actually trying to teach than by doing it.  That has certainly been the most effective tactic for me thus far.  But it is definitely difficult facing up against a wall of tradition, especially when that tradition is broken.

I've seen what the world outside thinks of church.  It's not good.  It's a picture filled with judgmental thinking, slavish dedication to rules, and an eagerness to divide things into an "us vs. them" mentaility.  That is all completely opposed to what Jesus taught.

Jesus taught universal love and acceptance.  Does sin exist in Jesus's worldview?  Absolutely.  But the chiefest sin is to use God as a reason to oppress people.

Jesus came to free us from the Law.  But today's churches have inisisted that our freedom from the Law is apparently only freedom from dietary restrictions.  So many Christians live out their faith in a strict legalism instead of the open, free, Spirit-led walk that it was meant to be.  Are there rules in Christianity?  Yes, absolutely, and here they are: Love God, Love Others.  Done.  End of story.  If you can drink a beer and still Love God and Love Others, then by all means, go ahead and enjoy your beer.  If you can't, then by all means, don't.  But just because you can't doesn't mean anybody else shouldn't.

Jesus came to unite the world.  We are not meant to live as nation versus nation, or denomination versus denomination.  We are meant to be united in our Love for God and for our fellow man.  That's the point.  The people who go to a different church are still going to church, and Jesus said that's OK.  The people who don't go to church at all need to be shown the Love of God that compels them to join others in a church, they don't need to be guilted into attending a building.

I have said a lot of these things before, but they just keep coming up over and over again as the things I constantly see deterring people from Christianity.

How about we knock all that crap off, huh?

And stop drinking terrible beer while you're at it.

The Burden of Nerdin'

So I didn't get the job at Lone Star Comics.

In my interview, I told the woman interviewing me that I wanted to work at Lone Star because of all the comic book stores I've been to in the 17 states in which I have been to comic book stores, the Lone Star location on Cooper in Arlington is seriously in the top 5.  There are literally hundreds of candidates here, and Lone Star is EASILY in the top 5.

I would absolutely LOVE to work at Lone Star Comics.

And I honestly don't understand why I'm not already doing that.

Seeing Thor kicked me back into high gear on my comic reading.  I finally got volumes 2 and 3 (of five) from the Walt Simonson Thor run, allowing me to finish something I've had volume 1 of (as well as volumes 4 and 5) for nigh upon 6 years now.  Finishing Simonson's Thor, I immediately had to go for his Fantastic Four work.  I already had volumes 1 and 2, which I devoured...  and then needed volume 3!

So Corwin and I went to Lone Star.  The book I was hunting wasn't on the shelves, so I asked the guy at the computer to help me out, which he definitely did to his best ability.  The only snag was that it took 20 minutes and the help of another employee as well as the manager to find this book.

I am not complaining about this.  I can spend 20 minutes in a comic book store goofing around without ANY problem.  I'm just noting that it's not super efficient.  The manager even said so, pointing out that the book was listed in the computer with the title all wrong because there are employees who don't know what's important out of the title of the book so they don't know how to enter it into the computer.  The spine of the book I was hunting reads "Fantastic Four Visionaries by Walter Simonson, volume 3."  The manager said the book was listed on the computer as "Fantastic Vision Simon 3," hence the very understandable delay in finding the book.But hey, I still got to read about the Fantastic Four teaming up with Hulk, Spider-Man, Wolverine and Ghost Rider to fight Skrulls in the underground domain of the Mole Man and his legions of subterranean monsters, so that's pretty awesome.  Why would I care about how someone screwed up listing the book - I still got it, didn't I?

Well...  YEAH...  But I don't think I'm being too arrogant when I say that I could probably help things move at least a little smoother down there if I had that job just because I already do that kind of thing with my own comics.  I have a huge spreadsheet of all the comics I own.  I'll admit, it's a little out of date, but I do have the thing.

So, at the suggestion of Corwin, I went back to the Lone Star office, hoping to talk to the woman who interviewed me.  She was out, so I talked to...  some other guy.  And I hit my nerd-stride and ranted a little while.  Then I left.

I still don't have the job, but to be fair, it was just Friday when I did that, so...  who knows what'll happen.The other night, Corwin and I met a dude at the 7-Eleven and absolutely rocked his world with the information that the ticker on your odometer measures out pre-determined distances of 528 feet - also known as a tenth of a mile - and not blocks.

When we were done blowing his mind (a process which included Corwin and I taking a two-mile round trip drive just to check the odometer against our varied predictions of a predetermined distance), the guy said he was going to call his sister in Abilene to tell her the amazing news of tenths of a mile as a unit of measurement.

It was a pretty surreal conversation.

I also had a few surreal conversations with some amazing folks I met at a friend's housewarming party a few nights back.  Bein' the self that I am, it wasn't too long before I found myself embroiled in discussions of the nature of the universe and whatever powers do or do not exist behind it.

What most consistently amazed me, however, was that I was talking to people who had all in various ways and to various degrees rejected the particular permutation of Christianity that they were raised in, but when engaged in conversation with a dude who self-identifies as a preacher, they find no shortage of words to spill on their love for a thing they have rejected.

What I found the most fascinating about those conversations was that the more they talked about what they left church for, the more they would counter it with the things they loved church for.  The bad was always balanced with the good.  And the good was normally the right thing to be excited about!

I get in trouble when I play games like SceneIt! or Trivial Pursuit because I wind up being that guy at the party that takes one turn and goes all the way around the board and wins the game without letting anyone else play.  It isn't my fault that you go until you miss, and it's also not my fault that useless questions like the ones asked in both of those games happen to be the things that my brain absorbs the most readily, but dang it, that is the simple truth of the matter.I am an arrogant know-it-all, and I know it.  Hate it.  Trying to fix it.  Not making as much progress as I would like, but with God's help I'm at least less of a jerk today than I was 5 years ago.

So I still don't know what to do when I'm in situations where the knowledge and understanding in my head would solve a lot of the problems being presented and has not been asked for, or has even been rejected.

I know how to sort, file, tag, bag, enumerate, collate, grade and price comics.  If for nothing else than innate abilities and a fiery passion for the job, I think I should have gotten the job at Lone Star.  I think I could be helping them do their job better just because I am already pretty good at doing that job in my free time.I know what a tenth of a mile is.

I know what Jesus said about how we're supposed to live. I hate most of the same things that most people who say they hate church hate about the churches they hate, and I love the same things that those same people love.  The bad things should be tossed out because they don't work - the arrogance of those who believe that their church affiliation earns them an extra helping of God's Love, for instance, is utter rubbish.  The good things should be encouraged and nurtured that they may flourish - the humility of the realization that Love doesn't hold grudges but instead relentlessly forgives is a pretty awesome one that I'd like to see more churches grab on to.

I don't feel like I should get some sort of special attention for knowing this stuff.  It's not like there are a lot of uses for knowing that Walt Simonson's run came a few years after John Byrne's, which was itself a few years after George Pérez's run, which was, of course, after the Stan & Jack run.

But ONE of those VERY FEW USES for that information is WORKING AT A COMIC BOOK STORE.

So...  shouldn't I at least try to make sure that SOMEBODY in charge knows that I already know a lot of this stuff that other people - people with far, far better skin and hair - would normally have to look up?

I dunno.

I've definitely seen the impact that a small bit of information can have on somebody, even if it's something that I take as a commonly agreed-upon point!  Redefining the functionality of the odometer based on tenths of a mile instead of city blocks was apparently a huge deal for that guy at 7-Eleven.  I didn't even know that people didn't know that.

And I've definitely seen that people are hungry for something that God offers.  Even in their rejection of God and everything that aspires to follow Him, these people are themselves longing for a connection to God that is real and vibrant and alive and powerful...

But they have a hard time believing me when I tell them that it's really pretty close to their grasp.  They already know a lot of the big truths!  Don't be a judgmental ass!  Don't segregate people!  Don't use people!  Don't belittle people!  And especially don't do it in the name of the Love of God!  Those are the things that Jesus got the most upset about!

So why is there such a resistance to agreeing with Him?

When the picture of Jesus includes hatred, it's easy to reject!  But when the picture of Jesus is actually shown the way it's supposed to be, as a picture of pure, unconditional, holy Love, then it's hard to be upset with that.  It's hard to argue with it.  It's hard to do anything other than say, "Well, I guess that Jesus guy was right - maybe we SHOULD all be exactly as nice to each other as we want everybody else to be to us."

I don't claim that I have any sort of unique understanding or some new vision of truth.  I'm just the guy who knows a lot of stuff that other people don't for whatever reasons.  I will READILY admit that 99% of the stuff in my brain is wholly pointless.  Uncanny X-Men #1 came out on September 30, 1963.  Totally pointless.  But I know it.

But that slim 1% of stuff that I know that actually matters?  It matters a whole lot!  And people WANT to hear it!  But they're so hung up on rejecting anything that sounds like God or religion or anything else that they can't see the Truth even when they're pointing at it!

Look...  I know this is getting rambly, but whatever, I had a few Shiners out at the TANSTAAFL and sometimes a man just has to say a thing.  So here's my point: I know things.  Honestly, it's the only thing I do well - know stuff.  A lot of it has absolutely no use.  But what precious little does is of the utmost universal importance.  The gravity of its truth is inescapable.  Love is the right answer.

So...  why don't people just accept that?  Is it just because God said it?  Or even, heaven forbid, because I said it?

I know a lot of stuff, but I sure don't know about that.

Thoughts about stuff and things

I'd like to take a moment to talk to you about stuff and things.

First: stuff.  It's just stuff.

Second: things.  They're just things.

I know that stuff can be pretty awesome.  And I have definitely enjoyed the things that I have been blessed with in my life.  But what it took me far too long to learn is that when you get down to it, it's still just stuff and things.

I don't know if it's a problem that's exclusive to American Christianity, but it seems like we've allowed too much of the Joel Osteen prosperity gospel to creep into our lives.  I say "we" because I am definitely guilty of it, even in the mostly ascetic life I've found myself living here in Arlington.  We've got this idea that more stuff is better.  We fight tooth and nail to defend our things, as if they were what mattered.And don't hear me saying that stuff and things are bad.  They're not.  They're in fact very nice.

But they are still just stuff and things, after all.

Read through Acts, especially the early chapters, and see what the early church's attitude was towards stuff.

Christian #1: I need stuff.

Christian #2: Hey, brother!  Did I hear you say you need stuff?

Christian #1: Yeah, man.  I need stuff.

Christian #2: Well...  I have stuff...  How about you have some of my stuff?

Christian #1: Oh, wow!  Thanks, man!  Now I have the stuff I needed and life can keep on going.

Stuff is nice, but if you're not using it for the glory of God, what's the point?  If you're not using it to serve others, what's the point?

Take it from a dude who has spent a whole lot of his life focused entirely too much on stuff and things (and even things about the stuff and stuff about the things, as well as extra stuff that you have to get just to keep the things in pristine condition, and then the things you have to have for all of that stuff) - it's not worth it for its own sake.

I'll drop the silly pronoun usage to make a point: I have recently been re-re-reminded just how very much I love comics.  But what's been the most fun is sharing those comics with a few of the people around me.  It isn't enough that I have the comics, or that I have read them countless times, or that I know all the crazy stories behind the publication and origins and blah blah blah.  That doesn't matter compared to seeing the smile on someone else's face when they get it.  When they see why I love (whatever book it is) so much, that's when it's worth having the thing in the first place.

Now, obviously, comics are different from houses.  But...  they are both still just things, aren't they?

Doesn't the Bible say that the early church was selling EVERYTHING they had and taking care of each other?

Wasn't that the "one thing" Jesus told the rich young ruler he needed to do - sell everything he had and follow Jesus?

I really don't have a lot of stuff.  It's freeing, sure, but it's also a burden, because the simple reality of the world that we live in is that you have to have SOME stuff or otherwise you can't get ANY stuff.

But what little (very little) stuff I do have, I have tried to share freely with those around me.

And you know what?  Sometimes that's still really hard.  It's MY stuff, isn't it?  I deserve it, don't I?

Well...  No.

It's hard to walk away from the American ideal of working hard to get more stuff - especially when the alternative Christ offers is to work hard and give all your stuff away.  Jesus tells us not to store up treasures down here, but to store them up in Heaven.  The hard part is that I can't see my Heavenly treasures.  I can't hold them.  I can't see them represented as a number at the ATM.

And isn't that really the craziest part of Christianity anyway?  That we base it all on something that none of us have actually experienced in a material sense?  We've never seen God, but we follow Him anyway.

How far are we willing to follow Him?  If He asks us for an hour a week, we'll gladly give it to Him - we might even get dressed up for it.  But what if He asks me to give up my comics?  My DVDs?  My iPod?

(The iPod would be the worst.)

God is all that matters.  God is the only reality.  Everything else is questionable.  Temporary.  Pointless.

So why not live that way?

Why not sell everything we have and take care of those who need it?  Because it's uncomfortable?  Because it's hard?

When did we decide it was OK to take the easy way out?

I am a guy preaching against materialism when I don't have a lot of stuff to begin with...  except for debt.  Got a lot of that.  I hope that when the day comes (if ever) that God chooses to bless me with material wealth, I will be able to use it wisely and completely for His purposes.

In the meantime, I hope and pray that I have the wisdom to use what little I DO have for His purposes, and I hope and pray that you will do the same.  May God bless you with less stuff.

Droppin' Truth Bombs, Yo!

Over on the facebook there was an exchange between myself and my brother of another mother Jimbo.  This is that exchange:


----------------------
Jimbo Ivy will never cease to be amazed by the anger and fury it is possible to call up when you dare suggest that mankind does not possess all the answers; about their world, about their god(s), or about who deserves what. While I will, forever, openly acknowledge that you do not know the truth, I would never be so bold as claim I do.
----------------------

Aaron J. Rushton But what if knowing the Truth and possessing all the answers don't mean the same thing? Is Truth entirely unknowable?

----------------------
Jimbo Ivy You know as well as I my stance on that issue, Aaron, and it ain't far removed for your own, thus our brotherly association. I am addressing those that claim man's understanding of God is complete and unerring, and on the same tack those that claim to know the world through reason and science in a complete and unerring way. When people stop listening, stop learning, and consider their spiritual education complete, that is when truth dies, when truth becomes unknowable. But I will venture an answer to that question: Truth is knowable for men only once their gone; once they cross over. Faith and conscience is what we have until then to inform us of what truth can be for us in this questionable, confusin existence. If God has a literal presence on this Earth, it is that; our instinctual knowin of what is real to us, of what we feel through our experience and sense of the universe, divine or otherwise, that informs us as how to live our lives. I'm just positing that there may not be a lone answer to the question of how to live, how to believe, how to draw breath, just as there is no one way to splice a line, sow a field, or give joy to a heart. I do not know the answers, the whole of truth; but I do not believe these people that live with their eyes and hearts closed to principles of God (which they forget too often are love, forgiveness, and acceptance) know better than me. In fact, I believe my questions are far more faithful than their unflinching assertions. And I believe, if I may be so bold, that you believe that too.
----------------------


And this post is what I've got to say to that.


"When people stop listening, stop learning, and consider their spiritual education complete, that is when truth dies, when truth becomes unknowable."


Man, I am so entirely with you on what I think you think you're saying, but I can't actually agree with it the way you're saying it here, and it all hinges on one understanding: what is Truth?


If Truth is ever knowable, then it cannot become unknowable.  If Truth ever lived, then it can never die. Truth shines out forever in all directions, and cannot be extinguished, silenced or altered.  Truth frees us all, and Truth certainly frees itself.


Truth is eternal.


Truth and facts are not the same thing.  It is a stone cold fact that I am not eating Oreos at the moment, but the Truth of Aaron J. Rushton is not "dude who does not eat Oreos."  Facts change.  Truth is eternal.


Eternity is a pretty crazy thing.  Imagine a number line stretching from the infinite negative to the infinite positive, like this:


-∞                                                                 0                                                              ∞
<-------------------------------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------->


Now also imagine that we take a small piece of that number line - from 0 to 1 - and look at it more closely, like this:


0                                                                   1
|-------------------------------------------------------|


While this may seem like a finite piece of the number line, since it came from an infinite number line, this piece itself is also infinite, right?  Think about the divisions we can make between 0 and 1 - 1/2, 1/3, 1/4, 1/5...  and so on.  Or think about 0.1, 0.01, 0.001, 0.0001...  No matter how small we choose to go, there is always something smaller.  There is an infinite amount of definition in the finite space between 0 and 1.


So if you are looking at the number line we started with, you can zoom out as wide as you like and you will never see the ends of it, or you can move in as close as you like and never run out of room.


I believe Truth to function that way.  I believe that if you only know one small kernel of Truth, it is still Truth, and it will lead you to a better understanding of all Truth, if you will let it.  But I also believe that you can never know it all, even in its simplicity.


I definitely believe the Truth to be knowable, and I believe the Truth to be this: that we are all created by God to be equal, and that the fullness of His plan for His Creation (that would be us) is to experience the whole of existence in Love, and in the fullness of Love that only God can make known to us.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

- Matthew 22:34-40

The central point, the focus, the origin, the underlying foundation, the absolute cornerstone to everything in the Gospel I preach is Love, and I believe that the Truth of Love may be known.

But I also believe that the Truth of Love is that it never stops.  The Truth is that Love is eternal, and if Love and Truth are both eternal, how can anyone ever know the final answer?

But if the Truth is Love, how can there ever be anything else to know?  Love is the answer.  Love is the final answer in all things.  Love solves all problems.  Love is the Truth, and the Truth is Love.

So do I know the Truth?  I believe I do.  Do I know it all?  Heavens, no.  That, as you say, will only come after concluding the finite portion of an infinite experience.  We are temporal creatures housing eternal souls.  Truth - Love - is eternal.  It's the only thing that matters, and it's the thing that everything else has to be built on for anything to make sense.

I'll be writing more about this later, but I've wanted to say that for a while now...

Never Underestimate the Value of a Bad Example

Over the years, I've had more than a few discussions with people about the things that are in the Bible that they find to be morally objectionable.  I've discussed one of those things here on the blog before - Jephthah - and what I hope I have made clear in that blog post as well as in the conversations I've had with people throughout the years is that Jephthah's story isn't meant to be seen as a story of what it means to be an incredible follower of God.  Jephthah's story is an example of getting it wrong.  Jephthah's story is a bad example that should really be paid attention to with the understanding that his example is bad.

I used to get in trouble for watching Beavis & Butt-head on Mtv.  (Really, I got in trouble just about any time my parents found out I was watching Mtv.)  I remember being a kid and hearing all the stories on the news about other kids my age winding up in the hospital or the morgue for trying to repeat stunts that Beavis & Butt-head had done on their show...  even though they were cartoons...

But I always thought of Beavis & Butt-head as perfectly good examples of what not to do in life - immature, crude, and quite frankly hilarious examples of the exact opposite of goodness.  So long as I live my life looking nothing like Beavis and/or Butt-head, I think I'll be OK.

Is it bad that I feel the same way about a couple of ministers who were in my life at very pivotal times in my journey to God?

I started my time at Harding University as a Bible major with absolutely zero intention of ever participating in any sort of ministry.  My youth minister in high school made sure of that.  If you're in the very small bracket of people who both (1) read my blog and (2) know who my youth minister was in high school, you're probably not surprised by this.  By the time I graduated high school, I was so repulsed, so turned off, so vehemently against the idea of doing anything that even came close to resembling what he did in the name of Christ that I just swore that I'd never even be involved.  My goal - and I told people this - was to be the old man who sat at the back of the church and just knew a lot of stuff.

But at the same time...  My youth minister was a pretty big dude, easy for (most) people to get along with, always quick with a joke, very passionate about the things he cared about...

And then there was the blatant favoritism, the wildly inappropriate conversations around members of the youth group, the encouragement of all sorts of idiocy and illegalities so long as they were funny, the way-creepy and pretty dang near illegal way he behaved toward attractive 17 year old girls...

It's like looking in a fun-house mirror.  I know that what I'm looking at isn't really me, but dang it all if there aren't so many similarities that it's kinda unsettling to think that I might actually look like that, after all...

What do I do with that?

What would I say to that guy if I saw him on the street tomorrow?

Would I tell him just how awful he was at his job?  Would I call down the righteous thunder and shame him publicly for his gross negligence in caring for the souls that were placed in his charge?  Would I just start reading scripture at him?  It's not like there's a shortage of options.

Or would I thank him for being so amazingly crappy at his job that it (eventually) led me to realize that God was calling me to go into the same field, just to try to do it better?

In every step I made during the summer of my youth ministry internship, the one question I asked myself over and over and over was, "What would my youth minister have done?"

And then I just did the opposite of that.  I think it turned out OK for the most part.

But that brings up another bad example I've been blessed with.  The pulpit minister I worked with for that summer...  oh, goodness.  Go read Matthew 23.  The whole chapter would be good, but make sure you hit the first 8 verses.  That's a pretty good picture of this guy.

Again...  If you're in that select group of folks who (1) read my stuff and (2) know who I had to deal with during the summer of that internship, you probably already know at least part of how bad it was.

I have never met a minister who better embodied every complaint I've ever heard about Christians.  It's...  it's impressive, to say the least.

During my summer there, I was tasked with the job of getting the guys of the youth group more experienced in leading the church services.  The Wednesday night class meetings were JUST class meetings - there was nothing for the whole church to get together.  The Sunday PM services were at 1:30, and I never saw a one of them with more than 25 people (a whopping 10% of the AM service numbers).  So that leaves Sunday morning as the only viable time to get the boys involved in the worship service in front of the congregation to actually gain any confidence in their abilities to lead God's flock.  But preacher-man wasn't OK with that idea - one of the boys might make a mistake and scare off visitors (who, of course, all expect 16 year olds to be perfect for their first time behind a microphone).

In preparing for that Youth Sunday, preacher-man found out I would not be wearing a suit in the pulpit.  I think he might have had a slight coronary at that point.  How could I possibly preach without wearing a suit?  What would the rich old lady think?

Look...  I've had people call me out on a lot of things for being a fat guy that make a lot of sense.  I will readily concede that I would not make a very good sprinter.  I am fully aware that I would probably be very bad at ballet.  But I find it pretty hard to believe that my weight (impressive though it may be) has any impact on my ability to effectively spread the Gospel.  (This was brought into question, more than once, and in person, by a man who has been a preacher for more than twice my lifespan.  WOW.)

Again...  I don't think that there's any bigger reason that people don't go to church than people who already do go to church.

I don't want to spread gossip, and I hope I haven't been.  I just know that these two guys have made inestimably valuable impacts on my ministry - or my mission work or my preaching or whatever it is you want to call whatever I'm doing in Arlington - and for that, I cannot thank them enough.

But I really don't know what it's like to thank someone for being so disgustingly terrible at their job that it inspired me to do it better.

ME!

I haven't actually done the math or anything, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess that at least a full third of all of the money that I've ever had in my life has gone towards comics, and that at least 75% of that third came from gambling.

I have got a straight up hate for Contemporary Christian Music.  I know all of the lyrics to all of the songs on the first five Black Sabbath albums.  I know more personal details about the four members of Led Zeppelin than I do about most of the girls I've dated.

I can vividly remember smoking an entire pack of cigarettes in the space of an hour.  On the other hand, there is a night in my past that I have almost no memory of whatsoever, except for the part where I threw up on the rug of the (complete strangers') house I was partying in, and then woke up - naked - on a different couch than the one I remembered being on when I threw up.

I have cheated, lied, manipulated, stolen, and done all manner of other horrible, wicked, indulgent things, destructive to myself as well as those around me, all in the name of having a good time...

...and yet I still look at those two guys...

...and all I can think is, "God...  please...  just don't let me be like that!"

On the Road

Well, after a day in Arkansas, we've finally got our full load and we're rolling down I-24, headed to Amberland! God has been protecting us from a lot of trouble and stupidity so far - others' as well as our own, I must admit.

Last year, I had six other guys with me. This year, there are 16 of us! There are several degrees of separation between all of our belief systems, but everybody definitely agrees on at least one thing, and that's this: maybe we should just all be nice to other people.

I wonder sometimes if that's enough.

I fully believe that Jesus is the Son of God. I fully believe that there are eternal consequences for the choices we make in life. I fully believe that Christ offers those who follow after Him a unique look into the Life that we were created for.

But I also believe that God wants as many people to experience His fullness as possible. James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted by the world." Just a few verses later, 2:8 says "If you really keep the royal law found in scripture, ' Love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing right."

So is God necessarily a part of either of those? Can you love others as yourself without loving God?

What about I John 4:7, which says that "...everyone who loves is born of God and knows God"?

Is loving others enough?

Now, don't worry, I haven't forgotten the words of Christ in Matthew 22. I still firmly believe that our first responsiblity is to Love God. We all know we're not perfect at it, but we do know that He forgives us, right?

So what if God's grace is so big that He's willing to forgive people who deny His very existence, so long as they Love Others?

What if His grace is so big that He's willing to forgive people who call Him by a different name?

Jesus asked that the Father forgive those who crucified Him, saying that they did not know what they were doing. What if that's how it's supposed to be forever?

I still believe - completely - in the exclusive Way, Truth and Life revealed in Jesus Christ. I also believe that He has asked me to tell others about Him.

But what if that whole loving others thing really is the whole point?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Perfect Strangers

I'm passing through some nameless stretch of Texan I-30. Zoogma's "Jerry Diesel" is playing. My friend Ali tells me he might like Zoogma more than Perpetual Groove. This is his first exposure to Zoogma. His first exposure to Perpetual Groove was yesterday.

The reason I'm listening to music on I-30 with Ali is that he's driving me and Corwin to Amberland, and we'll be picking up more people along the way.

The crazy thing about Ali driving is that it solves SO many problems we were facing in our trip to Amberland. We started the week off one seat in the red on getting everybody to the festival. Now, not only do we have that seat open, we actually have enough room to take one less vehicle than we originally planned.

I have to admit that I felt a little weird asking God to give us what basically winds up being a free ride to the show, but I gotta tell you... The Big Guy DELIVERED.

I have a pretty strong feeling that Ali is the first of many HUGE things God is gonna throw my way this weekend...

AMBERLAND! WOO!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Countdown to Amberland: Everything Changes

Hi!

It is not Wednesday!  Again!

So here's the deal...  I'm technically homeless right now.  I am staying with the wonderful and generous Elliott family, and this is the first chance I've really had to sit down at a computer in over a week.  I'm not even using my own computer; my computer is still living in the Gibbons' garage, along with most of my clothes and all of the comics and movies I brought with me to Texas.

Life in Arlington is frenetic, kinetic, and copacetic.

But I am definitely in the right place.

God is moving so many things in my life, teaching me so much, showing me so many people who need His Love in their lives...  I stop and think about what my life was like a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, ten years ago...  and I'm just blown away.

If the imminent high school graduate version of myself from 10 years ago saw my life today, he wouldn't believe it, understand it, or recognize it.  I think and feel like a completely different person.  I believe that the difference is for the better, and I certainly hope God agrees.  I would say He does, since He's been showing me non-stop what it's like to have Him not only in my life, but as my life.  It's...  it's crazy.  It's awesome.  It's crazy awesome.

I really wish I had time to tell you about everything that's been going on here.  I wish I could even begin to write down everything that has happened in the past week.  That alone would be enough to take up the rest of my day.

I wish I could tell you everything about the adventures Corwin and I have had talking to Metra, helping Tamera move, playing Munchkin with Steven, Cody, and Lindsay, experiencing the thrill of cheap beer with Randy, spending as much time as we possibly can with Chino, sharing Back to the Future with Nate...

And through it all...  God is awesome.

Amberland is this weekend.

I am ready.  God has shown me so many sparks that just need a little fanning to turn into full roaring flames.  There are so many people that I cannot wait to see and be with - laughing, singing, dancing...

I'm performing a wedding.  So that's a thing.

I really expect communion this year to be another world-shaker.  Last year, I met some folks who I am so very much looking forward to seeing again.  It has been too long since I have shared the body of Christ with my fellow disciples in the PGroove fold.  Bread will be broken, wine will be shared, tears will be shed, spirits will be restored.

God is going to change lives this weekend.

God Bless Amberland.

BLOG STUFF UPDATE:
So, uhhh...  This has been fun.

The previous post was my first late post since I started this blog at the end of 2009.  This is the second.  It's been more than a week since my last post.  My time is not what it was.

So things are changing here.  The blog is still going, but there's absolutely no schedule to it now.  Sorry. I know a lot of you had your entire weeks built around me, but we've all got to make transitions in life and I think this will be good for us both.

Wait, why does that sound like a break up?

Sorry.

Anyway - I just do not have the time at my disposal anymore to write what I've been writing.  So expect shorter posts...  but hopefully a bit more frequently.  As always, the goal of this is not just to say what I want to say, but to hear what you have to say back.  I'm hoping this new schedule will encourage more discussion.  I dunno.  We'll see.

I love you all.  Thanks for reading.  See you soon.