I'm Sorry for Sounding Arrogant (but I'm going to anyway)

"We have a right to believe whatever we want, but not everything we believe is right." - Ravi Zacharias

So I have two stories to tell you. I'll start off with the one that I have been told makes me look like a jerk.

A few years back, when I was still living in the dorms at Harding, the video game X-Men Legends came out. Several of my friends had picked up a copy, and they all thought it was pretty righteous.

I'm not too much of a gamer, really. Don't get me wrong, there are a few that I enjoy thoroughly (StarCraft II is definitely addictive, and the Half-Life series is untouchable in awesome points), but it's not what I do. And at that point in my life, comics definitely where what I did. Seeing how the game was all about the X-Men and their villains, one of my friends asked for my opinion. I told him what I thought - it's easy enough to play and it's got a lot of neat little nods to the serious comic book fans without being inaccessible to regular gamers, but I'm not too crazy about some of the costume choices.

Having heard my answer, he agreed, and then came back with his reply: "I like it, but I just can't believe they've got the White Queen as one of the X-Men. How could they mess that up? She's a villain."

I have to defend myself a little bit here and say that this happened 6 years ago, and while I may not yet have mastered the art of tactful conversation, I was definitely still a novice then, so believe me, I know I sound like a jerk, but... bear with me.

"No, no, she's... yeah, no, she's a good guy now. She's the headmistress of the X-Men." (At least, that was true in 2004 - like I said last week, I'm a little behind on the comics these days.)

And then came his reply. And the thing is, I get it... but really, dude... everybody knows that Aaron J. Rushton is the super-duper comic book nerd, so why you even gonna do a thang?

"No," he insisted, "she's always been a bad guy. I've got the comic." It was with this cue that he pointed to the lone comic in his room.

The comic in question - a collected edition of Chris Claremont and John Byrne's seminal Uncanny X-Men storyline "The Dark Phoenix Saga" - definitely did contain a depiction of the White Queen as a villain, which she definitely was at the time. But the time was 1980, and since about 1994, she's been on the "good" side.

"Right, I understand that you have a comic from over 20 years ago in which she is a villain, but I have a comic from about 20 days ago in which she is a hero. She is a hero now."

But apparently that was arrogant of me to say. Somehow. I will grant that it is arrogant with the caveat that I don't really understand how, especially since I was right. And it's not even that I'm just right by default, it's that I have the stuff to back it up. Like, you know, reality... in a comic book... versus a video game...

OK, that one's getting embarrassing. Let's move on to the next story, which - I hope - doesn't make me look quite so bad...

When I was interning as a youth minister down in Alabama in the summer of 2009, there came a weekend in which I had some car trouble and the folks I was living with were going to be out of town, so I needed a ride to church come Sunday morning. It just so happened that a specific member of the church lived in the right part of town to pick me up on his way.

Once he picked me up, we pulled out of the driveway and he asked, "Which way do you go to get to the church?" I gave him my answer: "Left at the stop sign, up to 31-"

That's when I was interrupted with, "No, that won't work."

Wait, what? "How does that not work?"

"That takes you up to I-20. That's going the wrong way. We need to get on 459."

"No, I... yeah, I know it goes to I-20. That's the point. I-20 out to... ummm... you know... the church. It's like a mile before 20 and 459 intersect."

"No, that won't get us there."

"That's how I get to the church 9 times a week, man."

Now, while we were having this conversation, this dude was trying to navigate his way from my host family's home to the church. He asked me how to get there, I told him, and he said no. So now we're lost in Vestavia Hills, turning corners into dead-end drives and gated communities. This is when he decided to bust out the dash-mounted GPS.

Let me tell you, I am a great big believer in GPS navigation systems. Yes to those. Very yes. I could not have survived my summer in Birmingham without the GPS navigator in my phone. So I'm fully on board with the GPS-is-awesome idea. But I also know that it's still just technology, and all technology - just like the people who design and use it - is bound to fail at one point or another.

Apparently this was one point or another because this guy's GPS was just not hacking it. Every road we went down was supposed to be the one that led us to the interstate (the other one, not the one I was trying to get us on), but each one turned into a cul-de-sac, a golf course, a confused pack of dogs that had been following us through suburban Birmingham for the last 8 miles...

So that's when I grabbed my phone, punched in the church's address and boom, there it was, a list of neat and orderly directions for how to get to the church from where we were. (Included in the steps were directions to get on 31 and follow through to I-20, just FYI.)

I do not understand all of what it is to be arrogant, even though that is one of the most consistent things that I struggle with (as well as being one of the most consistent things that people feel like reminding me I need to work on, thank you so very much).

Was the White Queen a villain at one point? Yeah, definitely. But... I was still right. Not because I made the rules, but because things had changed and this guy didn't know about it.

Was getting to the church via I-20 the quickest way to get there? No, actually - it was about 2 miles and 3 minutes longer than shuffling on down to I-459, but it was easier for me to remember, so it became my default way to get to the church. It got me there, didn't it? So how - before even knowing where the rest of the directions went - could this guy tell me it was wrong? It worked, right?

Lately I've been really wrestling with the idea of arrogance, particularly my own. I've got no doubt at all that I am one arrogant cuss at times. I understand, fully, that pride is pretty much the worst thing. In fact, I firmly believe that all sin - all sin - is merely an extension of our own pride. We think - even if it is temporarily - that our will is more important than God's, so we act on our will instead of His. That's arrogance.

But is believing that I'm right arrogant?

Especially when it's not that I'm right because hey, after all, it's me... But because... well... ummm... because I'm right.

I must also admit here that I struggle with the concept of my "self-righteousness." I know it's very closely linked to my arrogance, but there's something specific about being labeled "self-righteous" that really irks me, and that is this: my righteousness has nothing to do with my self. It's not at all about me being righteous, it's about God's righteousness living in me, being shown through me, reaching the world despite me...

See, I don't have any of the answers on my own. I am straight up copying someone else on this test, because I know that I will fail it unless I get the right answers from someone else. (The someone else in this metaphor is Jesus.)

Now, do I know how to copy Jesus perfectly? No. Goodness, no. Am I trying my best? Definitely. Does that mean I'm right? Well... there's a reason people like to sit next to the smart kid in class. If you're trying to be right, it helps to copy the right answers.

And I say all of that to get to this.

Last week, I got a comment on the Owning Up to Myself post that I think is worth sharing.

Christopher Dos Santos said...

Okay here we go...

I normally would not reach out to one who is so religious. However your prime focus is the dedication to truth with a capital T. So here goes let us see if your mind is open.

You and your followers believe God created the universe. You see God as separate from yourself in judgment of your actions. of course the actual weighing is to be done by Saint Peter. This aside you believe in heaven and hell accepting your savior Lord Jesus Christ to bestow his benevolence upon your soul.

I do not believe in a God who created the universe. Instead I choose to believe in a God who became the universe. The distinction is significant as I do not worship God, saints, Jesus or anything. Instead I understand that I AM GOD, as are you. Jesus, in speaking with his disciples taught us that he, like us, are the divine essence of the ONE GOD.
Furthermore there is nothing in manifest reality which is NOT GOD. The tree, the planet, the universe, the dog, all IS GOD. Seeing the world through the lens of false ego we tend to believe we are the body. We are not the body, in fact the body only exists as a illusion. The reality we perceive as real is in fact much more akin to a fractal matrix of energy. We are consciousness, our being is eternal. We perceive time to exist therefore we are under the illusion of death. Death is not real, you will never die my brother because you were never born. You are GODSELF consciousness existing eternally in the moment of NOW.

My brother Aaron and followers, an open mind is like and open door it is very inviting. If you or your followers desire to debate religion, philosophy, science, health, reality, illusion or my favorite topic UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND ONENESS then I am at your disposal.

www.godlymanifestation.blogspot.com

Namaste, my brethren, from a book of fear Jesus teaches unconditional love....

That was on the 1st of October. Yesterday, I got another comment:

Christopher Dos Santos said...

Truth with a capital T. No rebuttal, no discourse! Could it be truth with a sub case t? Or possibly only the truths you agree with? Open minds and open hearts working together. Jesus tells us
" Let only those with ears hear. "

In Lak' esh, my brother, with love

So, Christopher, if you're reading... This is for you, brother.

I am, as you said, interested in "truth with a capital T."

And while I appreciate your offer, I'm gonna stick with my Truth over here. In fact, I would encourage you to reconsider this Truth, as I happen to believe it to be the only one that actually deserves the capital-T treatment.

The Truth as I see it is that there is only one God. There is only one way to God, and that is through Jesus, the Messiah foretold to the Hebrews even from the time of Abraham.

Do I have a portion of God dwelling inside me? Oh, certainly, I believe I do. The Holy Spirit is a miraculous gift that guides me through the dark spots and helps me share the bright ones, and I believe it to be the Spirit of God Himself blessing me with His presence, His wisdom, His understanding, His peace... Yeah. I've got God inside.... But it's not because of who I am, it's because of who the I AM is.

I visited your website, Christopher, and I even read through to your first post, and... dude... I...

No. Just no, man.

Just no.

From that first post:

1. I AM GOD, everything is God, God is love. There is nothing else. 2. You will never die, time is only an illusion. 3. Past and future are functions of the ego, there is only the NOW. 4. All expressions are love; murder, rape, war, genocide, feeding the poor, comforting a friend, saving someone in peril, dancing under the stars, there is only love. 5. To value one expression as better or worse than another is to allow the ego to separate you from your true self as God. You are your brother's keeper because you are your brother. 6. We are not here to chase riches, wealth is found in sharing our essence, sharing love. 7. Fear is the grandest of illusions the ego will use to keep you captive and separate from oneness. All is God so what could there possibly be for you to fear? 8. Want and need are illusions, the ego wishes for us to express our reality in a dream world thus creating distractions to godliness. We are God, God is everything so what could we possibly need? 9. Judgement, anger, hate, are expressions of the ego used to again separate us from the reality of our Godliness. Would you be angry with your nose because it was dirty, would you yell at your nose or cut it off because it had a freckle, all is God so why should we want to kill or hate our brother? 10. Very soon, in our lifetime, there will be a revolution of love, we will unite as one. Money, possessions, jobs, all the trappings of the ego will dissolve exposing a new Eden on earth. No want, no need, no hate, no prisons, no laws or police, no government nor borders JUST GOD. JUST LOVE. I understand these truths, but still I am trapped by the ego, I gently remind myself all day everyday that I am God. I make mistakes, treat people bad, hate some and fear others.

So "all expressions" - including murder, rape, and genocide - are love (point 3), and to value one "expression" over another - say, comforting a friend over war - is valuing ego over the one true God (point 5), but judgment, anger and hate are bad (point 9) in the same way that thinking that genocide isn't exactly loving?

Or what about this, from your post Rape and murder....of the ego?

If you perceive rape and murder to be bad or evil acts then I maintain that you are not succeeding in the quest to understand reality of being.

I would instead put forth the idea that if you don't perceive rape and murder to be bad or evil, then you are not succeeding in the quest to understand basic love at all. Is murder love? Is rape love?

Or what about this one?

All moments of the NOW are Godly moments, fear and hate are merely aspects of the one, which is love.

So fear and hate are really just parts of love? Really? Love, the Divine action of seeking the good of others above the good of yourself, contains within itself fear and hatred?

But where I really have to disagree with you, and the final point I'm going to bring up from your blog, is this:

Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha or any sage would teach you that all that is perceived is an expression of one, call it God, or love if you prefer.

That's just straight up wrong, brother.

I will confess ignorance when it comes to the teachings of the Buddha, and I'm not quite up to snuff on the teachings of Mohammed, either. But Jesus... Yeah, I know Jesus. And Jesus definitely did not teach that "all that is perceived is an expression of one," whether you call it God or not.

Jesus taught that He was God made flesh, that He was the right hand of the Eternal, that He was the only one - the only one - that fully realized and actualized what it means to be fully human and simultaneously fully Deity.

Make no mistake, Jesus is very clear - He's God. We're not.

And that is why I believe in Jesus Christ. I can trust a God who tells me exactly what I am - a screw-up. I can trust a God who shows me what Love actually is - others before myself. I can trust a God who understands that my failures are inevitable, Loves me through them anyway, provides me a chance to know and seek Him, and helps me be less like me and more like Him - perfect.

I don't just believe it because I read a book that said it. I don't just believe it because I was brought up in a family that talked about it. I believe it because it's real. I believe it because my life is radically different as a direct result of my decision to place ALL of my life's direction in the hands of my Creator. And why shouldn't I? I am, after all, the creation.

Look... I don't want to sound like I think I have all the answers. I don't.

And you'd have to look pretty far and wide to find people who agree more with the idea that "what's right for you may not be right for me" and vice versa. If you've been paying attention, you know that I've written about that very idea a few times.

But man... Some things are just real.

Love is real.

Evil is real.

God is real.

And our choice - our very real choice - to accept Him or deny Him has very real consequences for this life as well as the next.

I'm sorry if that seems arrogant, but how can I tell you any different? I am not telling you something that I came up with, I am not telling you something that I feel, I am not telling you something that I think works for me but might not work for everybody.

I am telling you the Truth. Capital T and all.

Owning Up to Myself

I really miss comics.

I know it's just stuff, but it's still some of my favorite stuff. I haven't read Daredevil in so long it hurts. I try to keep up on at least some of the must-read favorites. I don't let too much of The Goon, Hellboy, or Invincible slip by without trying to at least read a copy at some point soon, even if that means pretending to drink coffee at Borders. And of course there's still all the online comics I read, like The Adventures of Dr. McNinja and Garfield Minus Garfield, both of which I am of course strongly recommending to you - it's why those words changed colors.

Of course, I realize that not everybody is into comics... for some reason quite unknown to me, at least.

I still get some sideways looks and curious remarks when I talk about certain comics around people. Sometimes it's not so bad, like when I mention the Scott Pilgrim series that inspired the movie that just came out a few months ago. Lots of folks don't know that's a comic, so they're just surprised to learn it. Sometimes it's a little worse, like when I get jittery and kinda agitated talking about the 1966 Adam West "Batman" TV show.

I'd say it's not too much of a stretch to say that comics were my idol at a few points in my life... Especially for a few years in college. And it's not that I loved comics more than I loved God, but I definitely loved comics more than I loved people. Not ALL people. There were some people I loved more than comics. There were a few I loved a LOT more than comics. But comics were the priority. (Still are, in a lot of ways - I just have no money.)

There's no way around it - I am a nerd.

And it's not just comics, although comics are definitely what push me over the edge into "nerdiest dude in the room" territory 90% of the time. I'm a nerd about movies, music, food... It's a pretty big deal.

For a long time, I tried to be more like the world was telling me I should be like - because trust me, if there's anything the world likes making fun of more than a fat nerdy guy, I sure haven't found out what it is.

It only took me 27 years to get here, but I think I'm actually to a point where I'm kinda OK with who I am.

I think I finally understand that maybe God has a reason for me to be the guy I am. I don't know if God inspired my dad to hand me that copy of Wolverine #21 all those years ago that started me on the path to undeniable nerdosity, but what if He did? What if there was a divine reason for me growing up soaked in superheroes and sci-fi? What if God purposefully directed my life so I would find hours of entertainment in Dungeons & Dragons or Magic: The Gathering?

What if God made me a nerd on purpose?

What if I'm the way I am because it helps me reach out to the people who don't get reached out to very often?

What if, in order to better spread the Gospel, I've not only been blessed with Biblical understanding, but also a deep understanding of the Avengers?

It's not impossible. I've definitely found myself in situations where the only reason I could talk to somebody was because we both liked the same comics. I've found myself in situations where I could talk to somebody because we didn't like any of the same comics. And I'm not saying it's an easy jump from Batman to Jesus Christ, but it's not too much of a stretch to go from talking about Batman to actually being friends and then actually connecting on a personal level deep enough that the work of Christ can begin in earnest in someone's life because I took the time to get to know them and show them God's Love for them the same way He's shown His Love for me.

We are all different parts of the body. The hand cannot say to the foot, "I have no need of you." But so, too, the hand cannot say to itself, "Well, I'm not a foot, so what good am I?"

There are a lot of things about me that are just weird. And for a long time I tried to change that. I tried to fit in more. I tried to be more charming. I tried to be more focused on the same things that everybody else was focused on....

And then I realized all of those things are very boring.

God put me where I am for a reason, and that reason is to bring others around me closer to Him. I've been paying a bit of attention to it lately, and I've come to realize that most of the people God puts in my path have a lot in common with me in at least one way - they've had a hard time fitting in with the mainstream, too. And that's why I can talk to them. I've been there. I am there. I know what it's like to be laughed at because of my hobbies. I know what it's like to get mad about it. But I also know what it's like to finally be OK with who I am and realize that even though I may not be the shiniest car on the lot, I can definitely go some places that others just can't.

And that's pretty awesome.

I've finally realized that I'm a nerd FOR GOD. From here, can I reach the whole world? Maybe not. But can I reach the guy in the park reading the latest issue of Daredevil? Well, it can't hurt to try.

Take the time to understand who you are FOR GOD. Look around yourself, understand yourself, and - with prayer and diligent study - try to see where God is asking you to be your brightest and best to show others His Glory. Let's all stop trying to be the same person and just focus on following the same Christ and bringing others with us.

Yield Not to Temptation (that means "don't buy the cigarettes")

So in my quest to be permanently quit of smoking (yes, I know it's bad, that's why I'm quitting, thank you for your concern), there is one simple rule that has actually worked pretty well for me as far as helping me quit. So if you're trying to quit, too, here's the biggest thing that has worked for me:

QUIT BUYING CIGARETTES.

I hate to admit it, but that one took me a while.

Now, it's important that you know that I am not yet permanently quit. I'm way, way, way slowed down on smoking, but that doesn't count for stop signs, so why would it count for cigarettes? But I am actually doing pretty great on just not buying cigarettes anymore. Not a perfect record... But a lot better.

I'll go ahead and be perfectly honest with you. At my absolute smoking-est, I was at roughly a pack a day. Some days were more, some days were less. There are people out there - possibly some of you reading - who may be shocked by that figure, thinking, "My goodness, that's a lot of cigarettes in a day." There are also people out there - maybe another one of you reading - who can remember their days of "casual" smoking before stepping into the nicotine big leagues at 2+ packs a day.

I definitely know what it is to be addicted to smoking. It's not a mystery to me. Every serious smoker that I've ever talked to about it has had the same revelation at some point: I'm not doing this because I actually want to anymore... It's because I have to.

And let me tell you - that was just a straight up unpleasant realization.

And I want you to know that because I want you to understand something: I had a part of my own free will taken away from me by an action that I had fallen into farther than I wanted to be, but it was still entirely my own choice.

When I got to the point where I realized, "Oh, man, I am not even smoking this because I wanted it, I am smoking it just to smoke..." That was rough. But what eventually crept into my head is that I could actually stop that.

I understand the nature of addiction. I also understand the nature of "Oh, no, I'm not addicted, I can quit whenever I want, I just don't want to quit." But more than that, I understand that wanting to quit means something entirely different from actually trying to quit.

I wanted to quit for a long time - even as I had cigarette after cigarette dangling from my lips. The desire was there, but the decision itself was a long while coming. Once I actually made the decision was when things actually started improving. And again, I haven't been completely smoke-free since I decided "OK, I'm quitting", but I've been doing pretty well - or at least, a lot better than I had been doing.

And I say that to say that I would really like to see a similar understanding come out in people's lives in relation to sin.

Everybody knows that their own sin is bad. It's not like I was surprised when I started getting that rattly smoker's cough. I knew what I was doing to myself. I knew what I was getting into. I knew it was stupid, but I did it anyway because... reasons? I don't know. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Point is... Most folks generally understand that they do things that they shouldn't, and that they do those things more than just every once in a while. There are some sins that people hang on to with the force of a bad habit, quite possibly even to the point of an addiction. (I mean, if sin wasn't at least some fun, how would temptation even be tempting?)

But what I've seen - like, a lot - is that while people generally understand that their sin is bad and that they really should cut it out, often times there's not actually a whole lot of impetus to exorcise the problem.

When you find yourself in a dark room, stumbling over pets lying underfoot, stubbing your toes on furniture, and generally causing enough racket that surely everybody else in the house is awake by now, doesn't it make sense to at least turn on the light? With just a little bit of effort - the minimal effort it takes to make a light switch go "click" - you can avoid a whole lot of problems.

Why can't people recognize that about sin?

If you know you're sinning, if you know you're doing something you shouldn't be doing... how about you stop that?

If you can't drink without losing your self-control, how about you don't drink?

If you can't go on a date without having sex, how about you don't go on dates?

If you know that you have a specific weakness to a specific sin that comes up in a specific situation, maybe - and I know this idea is just nuts, but hear me out - just MAYBE it would help to avoid that situation altogether.

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

- Matthew 5:29-30

Jesus is using a pretty hyperbolic example here to get a point across, but I think we've started missing the point altogether. We looked at the hyperbole and said, "Man, that Jesus sure knows how to turn a phrase," and then we went right on sinning with our right eyes, right hands, the entire right side of our bodies, and I'm sure that occasionally the left got involved as well.

What if we started taking Jesus seriously? Not literally, but seriously. What if we actually got rid of the things in our lives that lead us into sin? What if we actually tried to move towards holiness? What if we actually tried to quit instead of just wanting to quit?

I get it. I know the excuses. "It's not that easy, you don't understand..."

Hey, remember that thing earlier about how I said I was addicted to smoking?

ADD. ICT. ED. Chemical dependency. That means that my body actually developed not only a tolerance for nicotine, but a need for it in order for me to function "correctly." There's a ton of material out there saying that nicotine is on par with heroin when it comes to how addictive they both are. I wouldn't know that for sure, as I've never tried heroin, but I can for sure say that quitting smoking is not any fun.

So what, again, don't I understand?

That it's hard to deny my desires, especially when those desires are so hard-wired into me that my body is actually getting mad at me for saying no?

Or that there are so many situations where it's so hard to not give in, especially since that's exactly what I've grown so accustomed to doing every time I could?

Folks... I get it. Believe me. I know that quitting is hard. And not just quitting smoking. Frankly, if I had to choose between quitting smoking forever and quitting pornography forever, I would honestly take the pornography option. Lung cancer be damned - at least I wouldn't be.

Do I still mess up? Do I still have a cigarette every once in a while? Yeah. Do I still have several cigarettes every once in a while? Unfortunately, yeah. Is it still an incredible temptation every time I'm standing in a gas station to just break down and grab a pack? Ooooooooooooh, yeah.

But it's getting better. Once I made the step to avoid the one thing that I was doing that meant I definitely WOULD be smoking (buying cigarettes), I managed to cut down on a whole lot of my opportunities to smoke.

I understand that it's a drastic move for us to completely expunge someone or something from our lives that we've become so accustomed to that we think it's just a part of the way we're meant to live, but God is actively asking each one of us to give it up and focus on Him.

So what's it worth to you? Do you want to quit? Do you want to quit enough that you're willing to do something about it?

Or are you just going to sit there coughing?

How Led Zeppelin Taught Me Proper Reverence to God

Just in case you haven't picked up on it by now, I'm something of a music snob. I like what I like, I like it passionately, and I'm just as passionate about the stuff I don't like.

One of the greatest things about living in the technological age that we find ourselves in is the advent of portable music. For instance, my iPod. I have so much music on my iPod that if you pushed play when the ball drops on New Year's, you wouldn't be done until March 1st. And that's just the stuff I can fit on my iPod. So I can drive around in my truck with over 1,000 albums at my instant disposal and listen to just a ton of music whenever I want. Frankly, it's awesome.

But for all the music I've got, there's only one band that I am always, always, always in the mood for: Led Zeppelin.

Led Zeppelin is my THING. They are IT. My goodness. Top of the list, no question, no hesitation, no competition.

The worst thing about having that iPod is that I'm kinda spoiled now. Recently, my sister and I made the five-hour drive to a family reunion in Arkansas without an iPod adapter... We had no choice but to listen to the radio. It was easily the worst thing to happen to me in months. Oh, the torture.

Not only am I accustomed to hearing music without commercials, I'm accustomed to hearing music that is only made up of things that meet my standards for "good." Foreigner does not meet my standard for "good." Neither do The Scorpions, Journey, Bruce Springsteen, or Def Leppard. And yet, for some reason, classic rock radio stations across the country consider all of these awful, awful, awful things worthy of being played alongside Eric Clapton, Pink Floyd, and - most terrifyingly of all - the one and only Led Zeppelin.

As far as I'm concerned, there isn't a bad Zep song. They're all awesome. It's Led Zeppelin. How can it be anything less than amazing?

My love for Led Zeppelin is no secret. When I get to hang out with the guys and we're exposing each other to new music, they all know to soften my expectations for a band by prefacing it with, "Well... It's not Zeppelin or anything, but it's good."

I don't let people make comparisons to Led Zeppelin lightly, because I take Led Zeppelin way seriously. They're IT. They are THE BEST THING. They're Led Zeppelin, man... So you'd better believe that I don't bring them up unless I'm actually talking about "bands that are so awesome that I am a completely different person for the simple reason of knowing that they exist."

And I think I'm finally there with God, too.

For a long time, I didn't really have any problem taking liberties with mentioning God. It wasn't always reverential. Sometimes it was just downright blasphemous. Taking the Lord's name in vain never seemed like it was that big of a deal until I realized just how much I actually care about God.

Now, I don't say "God" unless I'm talking TO God or ABOUT God. I just take God way too seriously. He's become real to me in a way that honestly blows my mind. He's become THE BEST THING.

And yeah, I've spent my whole life knowing God was the most important thing, but that doesn't necessarily mean I did anything about it.

But over the past days, weeks, months, years... God has been showing me more and more of Himself in such a way that I can't help but make Him the topmost priority in my life, and quite frankly, it is an unbelievably fantastic experience to be going through, I gotta say.

I don't really have much to say this week except that I want to encourage you to take God seriously. Take Him seriously enough that you understand just how important He is. Take Him seriously enough that you understand why He deserves a reverence that everything else is just not worthy of. Give God the first place in your life and SEE what happens.

(And listen to more Led Zeppelin.)

A Thought for Wes

I didn't know Wes very well - for most of my summer in Birmingham as his youth minister, he had been away from home, working as a camp counselor - but I knew him well enough to know that he was a good kid.

I don't know what led him to take his own life, and I probably never will. There's no doubt that he was dealing with things beyond my comprehension - Crohn's disease, for starters - but within the space of the commonalities of human existence, I know that he couldn't have been that far beyond somebody's reach, even if he was well out of my own.

I'm not here to debate the ethical or eternal questions of suicide. What I want to talk about - well, what I really wish I didn't have to talk about in the first place but at least want to address - is the kind of lifestyle that we're living that still allows seniors in high school to get to a point where they feel that the only way out is to take their own lives.

Please understand here that I am not blaming anyone for Wes's choice - that choice was his own. But maybe we're all kind of at fault for letting the world get to a point where that choice seems like a good one.

We've become so caught up in this sort of sterile approach to Christ's teaching where we insist that we Love everyone around us as much as we Love ourselves, but we refuse to show that Love in the most important way possible - by actually encountering them in a way that changes their lives.

For whatever reason, we're scared of opening ourselves up too much to those around us. We're absolutely terrified of letting them see our own pain, our own mistakes, our own fears, our own weaknesses, our own hesitations, our own doubts, our own unbearable horrors of existence... We can't let people know that we're every bit as screwed up as they are, because when they see that, our shine starts to dim, our lustre starts to fade, our untarnished reputation becomes stained...

Look, I ain't gonna lie to you - I've been in some pretty dark holes, and I've certainly contemplated suicide more than once. Stuff sucked! Sorry if that makes me out to be some horrible person in your mind because I've entertained the thought of killing myself, but hey, I've been considered worse for less, so I guess I can take it.

But having been in that hole, having experienced that darkness, having spent the late nights crying my eyes out until there just weren't any tears left, I can tell you this - the thing that saved my life, the reason I'm still here with you today, was the presence of a friend.

A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

- Proverbs 18:24

I'm sorry if this is gonna wreck your theology or something, but that verse ain't talkin' about Jesus. It's talking about Robin, Matt, Corwin, Jessie, Megan, Jeremy, Kelsey, Ben, Will, Angela, and all of the other friends I've been blessed with throughout my life who have made such a huge impact on me that I can without question say that my life is not the same since having met them. I can honestly say that I am a better man for knowing them. I can honestly say that I am alive today because those friends gave me the strength and encouragement to carry on even in the face of the most miserable life experiences I've known to date, and I am fully expectant that they will continue to be there for me in the future, because I'm pretty dang sure I've still got a lot of junk to go through before I'm done down here.

We tell people to take comfort in God's presence, and that's certainly a worthwhile thing to say, but do we ever stop to think that maybe OUR presence is the presence God wants to use to comfort them? Do we ever stop to think that maybe all we have to do to literally SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE is offer a genuine smile at the sight of a friend, a warm hug for the journey, and an encouraging word for the weary soul?

Maybe part of this whole "being a Christian" thing is just about getting involved in each other's lives to the point that we know each other's weaknesses and struggles, we know each other's pain, we know each other's fears, we know the things that keep each other awake at night... and we Love on through those things. Maybe it's about humbling ourselves to the point that we do not consider our own lives anything worth treasuring but instead sacrifice ourselves in the spirit of Christ's Love for all of humanity and seek out not our own good or our own comfort or our own happiness but instead make our primary focus in this life the betterment of all mankind outside of our own bodies.

Wes was a good kid. Nothing will change that. He made a mistake, but he was a sincerely good young man. When I see him again - and I'm entirely confident that I will - I'll give him the same hug that I can't wait to get from Jesus. But in the meantime, I'm gonna do my absolute best to make sure that none of you gets to Him before you're supposed to.

Reach out to people. Please. Jesus touched the untouchable, loved the unlovable, and pardoned the unpardonable. Maybe we ought to start doing the same thing.

Album Cuts and Lactose Intolerance in the Name of the Faith

I love me some Jimi Hendrix, but Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix just makes me mad to no end.

Yeah, yeah, it's got "Foxey Lady" and "Purple Haze" as well as all the other Hendrix songs you're gonna hear on any classic rock station across the country in any given day. And if you've somehow managed to go through your whole life to this point never hearing a single Jimi Hendrix song, Experience Hendrix would definitely be a decent start, but if that's the only Hendrix you ever hear... Oh, you just don't know Jimi Hendrix.

Where's "Third Stone from the Sun"? Where's "Wait Until Tomorrow"? Where's "Burning of the Midnight Lamp"?

If you actually want to experience Hendrix, Experience Hendrix is not the place to go. Go pick up Are You Experienced?, Axis: Bold as Love, and Electric Ladyland, give those a listen, and then you can say that you've scratched the surface of knowing what Jimi Hendrix's music really meant. But even that's really just a start. You still haven't heard Band of Gypsys, or the Live at Woodstock recording, or any of the hundreds of hours of material available outside of the confines of those original three studio albums.

And again, it's not like there's anything on Experience Hendrix that isn't good. It's just that it's missing the crazy awesome stuff. The only way to hear the crazy awesome is to really get into the original albums and live recordings and rare bonus material and all of that. That's when you can know Hendrix.

As you may have gathered, I am also kind of a fan of God. But there's a sort of "greatest hits of God" mentality out there that I'm not really comfortable with.

Don't get me wrong, salvation is pretty awesome. Heaven will be better than I can imagine, and I've got a pretty awesome idea or three about how it's gonna be up there. But there is more to the story. There is more to this faith than the simple ideas of sin and redemption, Heaven and Hell, good and evil...

We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so.

- Hebrews 5:11-6:3

Did you catch that? Repentance from sin, faith in God, eternal judgment... child's play. Infantile material. Milk.

I am ready for some meat.

It has become painfully obvious to me that there are a great many people in today's Christianity who are complacent with their faith. They may have a far better grasp than some (including myself) on the idea of approaching strangers with the Gospel of the Death, Burial and Resurrection of Jesus Christ of Nazareth... but that's kinda where it stops for a lot of people.

That's not where it stops for me, and I don't think that's where it stops for God, either.

In a way I quite understand why some people are put off by Theology. I remember once when I had been giving a talk... an old, hard-bitten officer got up and said, "I've no use for all that stuff. But mind you, I'm a religious man too, I know there's a God, I've felt Him: out alone in the desert at night; the tremendous mystery. And that's just why I don't believe all your neat little dogmas and formulas about Him. To anyone who's met the real thing they all seem so petty and pedantic and unreal!"

Now in a sense I quite agree with that man. I think he probably had a real experience of God in the desert. And when he turned from that experience to the Christian creeds, I think he really was turning from something real to something less real. In the same way, if a man has once looked at the Atlantic from the beach, and then goes and looks at a map of the Atlantic, he will also be turning from something real to something less real: turning from real waves to a bit of colored paper.

But here comes the point. The map is admittedly only colored paper, but there are two things you have to remember about it. In the first place, it is based on what hundreds and thousands of people have found out by sailing the real Atlantic. In that way it has behind it masses of experience just as real as the one you could have from the beach; only, while yours would only be a single isolated glimpse, the map fits all those different experiences together. In the second place, if you want to go anywhere, the map is absolutely necessary. As long as you are content with walks on the beach, your own glimpses are far more fun than looking at a map. But the map is going to be more use than walks on the beach if you want to get to America.

Now, Theology is like that map. Merely learning and thinking about Christian doctrines, if you stop there, is less real and exciting than the sort of thing my friend got in the desert. Doctrines are not God: they are only a kind of map. But that map is based on the experiences of hundreds of people who really were in touch with God--experiences compared with which any thrills or pious feelings you and I are likely to get on our own are very elementary and very confused.

And secondly, if you want to get any further, you have to use the map. You see, what happened to that man in the desert may have been real, and was certainly exciting, but nothing comes of it. It leads nowhere. There is nothing to do about it. In fact, that is just why a vague religion--all about feeling God in nature, and so on--is so attractive. It is all thrills and no work; like watching waves from the beach. But you will not get to Newfoundland by studying the Atlantic that way, and you will not get eternal life by simply feeling the presence of God in flowers or music. Neither will you get anywhere by looking at maps without going to sea. Nor will you be very safe if you go to sea without a map.

- C.S. Lewis, from Mere Christianity

As I've been looking for work in a church setting, I've come across an oft-quoted statistic that says that anywhere between one-half to two-thirds to seven-tenths of the kids who grow up in church wind up leaving by the time they're out on their own. Why is that? I think it's largely due to the fact that the church at large is promoting a type of mentally hollow Christianity.

I've been to the big youth rallies and the late night communion services and the sunrise devotionals... And I'm not about to say that those are not good things. They are wonderful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those... Unless they're simply attempts to emotionally manipulate the audience into feeling a connection with God.

If a youth minister delivers a devotional thought that has all of the kids in his youth group crying their eyes out but doesn't actually engage their minds, what good does it do? As soon as there's something funny to distract from the emotional manipulation, the focus on God is completely gone.

I don't feel a connection between two and two that feels like four. I know it. So, in the same way, I want people - myself very much included - to know God.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

- II Corinthians 10:3-5

It seems to me that we have come to a point in modern Christendom where we've stopped trying to KNOW more about God. We've become content with the things we already think we understand, confident that we've studied enough to pass the test, and conceited to the point of blindness to any further understanding of what the Bible is actually talking about.

Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.

- Romans 10:1-4

Paul's beef with the Israelites was that they had become complacent in their knowledge of God. Their hearts - their feelings - were all ablaze for God, and that's definitely a commendable thing But their minds had become closed off to true understanding of the deeper truth of who God is and who He wants us to be, and so they wound up condemning themselves.

Let's not do that.

It seems to me that the only way to really get this is to go deeper. Deeper into the Bible, deeper into the understanding of God, deeper into theology... Deeper. Just go deeper.

We're not meant to keep repeating the same things over and over and over.

Yes, Jesus died for our sins.

Yes, adultery is bad. So are murder and car theft.

Yes, faith in God is essential.

Let's get past that.

That's infantile material in the growth of a Christian. Those are elementary steps. We should all be way, way, WAY past that.

I'm not saying we've all got to sit down together and start reading the works of Kierkegaard, although that would definitely put a smile on my face (and an ache in my head). But can't we maybe start looking at the true definition of righteousness? Can't we start working towards a deeper understanding of the nature of God? Can't we start looking at the eschatological framework of the repatriation of post-exilic Israel and how the rebuilding of the temple is meant to show us a glimpse into the forgiving nature of God?

Can't we get past the easy stuff?

We aren't making mountains out of molehills - we're making sermon series out of simple elementary truths that we all should have understood once we actually became Christians. So why do we wind up running over these things again and again and again?

Look, all I'm saying is that the foot-washing devo can only be done so many times before it starts to be repetitive. (So many times = once.)

There is MORE TO THIS than most people are willing to accept. Why? Are they happy with where their faith is? Do they think that it's good enough to just accept Jesus and move on with life?

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

- Romans 12:2

In Deuteronomy 6:5, Moses tells Israel to "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." However, in Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30, and Luke 10:27, Jesus adds one... "Love the Lord your God... with all your mind."

Christianity is not a religion of stupid faith. We are called to a higher understanding, a deeper knowledge. There are some hard things in the Bible. Don't be afraid of them, but embrace them openly that you may become better acquainted with the whole of who God is, and then be able to distinguish - for yourself - the difference between good and evil.

The World - like, the evil thing we're supposed to be in but not of - says that Christianity is a religion that suppresses reason and education and learning and wisdom and free thought. My Bible says fairly differently. I'd like for us to all start proving the World wrong.

May God bless your mind as you seek Him with your whole being. Amen.

Wisdom Hurts

So I realized why God is keeping me single for now, and it isn't exactly thrilling.

I really want to be a husband. I really want to be a father. I want a family. Bad.

But I also want to be a GOOD husband and a GOOD father. I've been convinced for quite some time now that I'm ready for both of those things, yet I have remained single, despite my very best efforts to change that.

And I finally figured out what the hold up is. God is trying to keep me single in order to keep me from cheating on my wife.

I'm not at all comfortable with saying this openly, but I've been trying all day to come up with literally anything else to talk about, and that's not happening, so I guess I gotta lay this out. I'm something of a womanizer. And that's bad.

I'm not at all proud of it. I know it's bad. I've made a lot of mistakes with a good sized handful of different girls over the years. There have been some I've just treated like absolute objects, some others I've idolized as visions of perfection. I'm a very passionate guy. I am deeply romantic, emotionally reckless, physically aggressive...

Yeah, it's not good.

I've managed to maintain some false idea of "behaving myself", sticking to the willfully ignorant position of knowing that I've gone too far, but didn't ever go that far, so it's not really a sin, right?

As I've already said... it's not good.

I've been praying about this whole me-being-single thing for a while now... Like, a few years... It's never far from my mind. I cannot seem to find the strength to distance myself from my own desires, whether they are actually desires of the flesh or desires of the heart doesn't matter, because either way, those desires have been getting in the way of my relationship with God.

But God wants to help me change, and that's actually pretty awesome.

I'm not by any means there yet, but it's really thrilling to know that God wants to help me change my mind in such a way that I can see a physically attractive young woman (and they're everywhere) and treat her the way He wants me to treat her no matter what my relationship to her might or might not be. That is rather difficult for me to see actually being played out, but I know it's coming.

I also know it's going to be rough going for a while. Not so crazy about that, but I know it's necessary. I want to be purified in all things - I guess that means I have to go through the fire.

But what's amazing about this is that I'm actually not all that down on myself. I normally am after I have a realization like this. I just get really angry with my own shortcomings, get really depressed about my sins, and just do not give myself anything close to a break when it comes to accepting and learning from my past mistakes.

But this time, that's not happening. This time I think I'm actually understanding a bit of what Paul talks about with that thorn in the flesh deal...

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Call me crazy, but I'm to the point where I'm not quite as afraid of confronting my weaknesses anymore because I know that when my weaknesses come to light, that's when God is going to shine on through them anyway. For all of my temptations, struggles, lusts, concerns, pains, and everything else, God is still able to make me stand, not on my own two feet, but by finally fully trusting in Him to show me what I need to see in order to be the man He wants me to be.

But at the same time, some of this hurts.

Part of this whole understanding of my own lust-driven nature is accepting that God might actually be calling me to be single. I really, really, really hope that's not the case. And I'll be honest, the idea scares me. I have wanted to be a husband and father for as much of my life as I can remember. Even as a young, young, young boy, I wanted to be a daddy. And I still do. That desire has not gone away, and if it does, it won't be overnight. So much of my life up to this point has shaped and reinforced that desire in me to the point that I can't imagine my life being complete without it.

But then, two years ago, I couldn't imagine myself having the relationship with God that I have now, so it's not like my imagination should be used as any sort of defining standard for the actualities of the real world.

How often are we willing to take the brutal, unflinchingly honest looks at ourselves? How often do we check our own eyes for the logs instead of checking other people for sawdust? I am, quite frankly, embarrassed by all of this. I'm not so embarrassed as to not be able to write it up. Besides, who of you is any closer to or further from God's standard of holiness than I am? We're all in the same boat.

What I'm embarrassed about though is realizing that the root of all of my problems was me. I railed against God, mad as a hornet because things aren't working out my way. It's seriously been throwing me off track just because I've been SO focused on getting SOMETHING to happen that I couldn't just sit still for five minutes and realize that maybe God still had something else to work over in me. And here I'd thought He was all done.

I've already learned so much and come so far and grown at such an exponential rate that it's hard for me to understand why I still mess up, and especially on things that I kinda feel like should already have been taken care of. I'm disappointed in myself when I make the same mistakes that I've been making for years. How have I not overcome this? Is it hopeless? Am I doomed to constant failure?

Well, yes. On my own, at least. I do still get frustrated with myself when I see the apparent lack of progress in my life, but I know that I'm doing a lot better than I used to, and that really is amazing, because I know that's not me. That's God.

I don't know where you are with God. I don't know how actively you see Him working in your life, but He's definitely working on me every day. There's not a day that goes by in which God doesn't show me something else, and it's everywhere I look.

The only snag is that sometimes I don't want to see it, because it hurts. Sometimes I don't want to face it because it's really scary what might be on the other side. I might have to give up something that I've wanted for my whole life. I might have to give up something that I consider to be a very part of who I am.

But if I'm getting rid of it in order to be closer to God, is that bad? Can I really be upset about that?

I don't have any great huge point to make here. I would like your prayers. I know I'm starting down a pretty difficult road - I'm going to be learning how to completely redefine my interaction with half of the human race - and I could use some encouragement. I could also use some patience, but that one's pretty much between me and God, I think.

I would like to encourage you to take a good, long, deep look at yourself. Ask God to show you what you need to see that's getting in your way to getting to Him. Even if it's something that you feel is completely insurmountable, look at it anyway. See where God is trying to take you. It might be a surprise how you wind up on the other end.

God loves you, no matter how often you try to convince Him otherwise.

Just kind of a rant thing...

I don't know if you know this already or not, but I'm looking for a church job of some sort. I don't have a Bible degree, no, but I do have a passion for God's people and an understanding of the Bible that I think can be used to help other people grow closer to Him. I've also got a mountain of student loans ready to come crashing down on my head, so, you know... job. Would be nice.

I've been applying for youth ministry positions as well as the regular pulpit job. I think I'd rather be a youth minister, just because I always get nervous talking to anybody over the age of 30. I still feel like I'm the same dorky kid I was in 9th grade, just obsessed with different comics. Holding respectable conversation with most adults means talking about... you know... stuff.

But as it is, I'm still unemployed, and I'll be honest, it's really starting to discourage me. And I think I'd be able to handle it a little better if the reasons made a bit more sense.

For instance... I know that there have been at least 5 churches I've applied to in the past year and some change that have refused to even look at my résumé just because I'm not married, which I find really interesting, since Paul specifically says in I Corinthians 7:1 that "It is good for a man not to marry."

I don't know why I'm even confused by this in the first place. So many of the churches I've interacted with ignore such huge chunks of scripture in the first place, why would I be surprised that they're ignoring other parts?

"Teacher," said John, "we saw a man driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us."

"Do not stop him," Jesus said. "No one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward."

- Mark 9:38-41

I realize I don't have the Bible degree, can't read Greek, and am only 26 years old, so there's no way in the world I could possibly be right about this, but it seems to me - and again, I realize I'm just a young buck idiot here - that this passage is pretty clearly stating that Jesus is pretty cool with His followers being in different groups, so long as they're all focused on following Him. I mean, that's what I get out of it... But hey, what do I know?

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another."

- John 13:34-35

So, wait... Love? Love is supposed to be how people know we're Christians?

So... it's not when we were baptized that identifies us as Christians, but that we love each other? It's not what version of the Bible we read that identifies us as Christians, but that we love each other? It's not how often we take communion, how many services we attend each week, how big our building is, or what it says on the sign out front that identifies us as Christians, but that we just love each other?

Interesting.

I just got turned down for a job that I really wanted because I was too honest with my beliefs. The question of one particular woman's salvation came up after one of the services, and the issue at hand was this: this woman was raised in the Baptist church, and believes that when she repented of her sins and claimed Jesus Christ as her Savior, that's when her sins were forgiven. In due keeping of Christ's commands, she was then baptized in to Him, because hey, that's what Jesus and the apostles teach that we're supposed to do. But the issue was this: the church of Christ belief is that baptism itself is the point at which your sins are forgiven, so there's no way that this woman's baptism was accepted by God because she wasn't baptized for forgiveness of her sins, she was only baptized because that's what she believes God asked her to do.

So... this woman is apparently condemned to hell because she... did what God asked her to do? What?

Look - I believe that baptism is what forgives you of your sins. I'm not saying it isn't.

But since the woman was baptized anyway... WHO CARES? What does it even matter? She's accepted Christ, hasn't she? She knows He's the only way her sins can be forgiven, doesn't she? She went through the process of baptism, didn't she? She's trying her best to follow Him and do what He asks, isn't she?

There are some folks reading this who may be scandalized by this whole thing, but I'm so far beyond the point of caring about it that I can't even pretend I'll be upset about it, so I'll just lay it out. I don't think the "Church of Christ" - as a denomination (and yeah, we're a denomination, don't even try to play like we're not) - is the only way to get to Heaven. I don't think the c-of-C is the only way to be a good Christian.

Let's consider some more Scripture together, shall we?

At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion in what was known as the Italian Regiment. He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly. One day at about three in the afternoon he had a vision. He distinctly saw an angel of God, who came to him and said, "Cornelius!"

Cornelius stared at him in fear. "What is it, Lord?" he asked.

The angel answered, "Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God. Now send men to Joppa to bring back a man named Simon who is called Peter. He is staying with Simon the tanner, whose house is by the sea."

When the angel who spoke to him had gone, Cornelius called two of his servants and a devout soldier who was one of his attendants. He told them everything that had happened and sent them to Joppa.

About noon the following day as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. Then a voice told him, "Get up, Peter. Kill and eat."

"Surely not, Lord!" Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean."

The voice spoke to him a second time, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."

This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven.

While Peter was wondering about the meaning of the vision, the men sent by Cornelius found out where Simon's house was and stopped at the gate. They called out, asking if Simon who was known as Peter was staying there.

While Peter was still thinking about the vision, the Spirit said to him, "Simon, three men are looking for you. So get up and go downstairs. Do not hesitate to go with them, for I have sent them."

Peter went down and said to the men, "I'm the one you're looking for. Why have you come?"

The men replied, "We have come from Cornelius the centurion. He is a righteous and God-fearing man, who is respected by all the Jewish people. A holy angel told him to have you come to his house so that he could hear what you have to say." Then Peter invited the men into the house to be his guests.

The next day Peter started out with them, and some of the brothers from Joppa went along. The following day he arrived in Caesarea. Cornelius was expecting them and had called together his relatives and close friends. As Peter entered the house, Cornelius met him and fell at his feet in reverence. But Peter made him get up. "Stand up," he said, "I am only a man myself."

Talking with him, Peter went inside and found a large gathering of people. He said to them: "You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean. So when I was sent for, I came without raising any objection. May I ask why you sent for me?"

Cornelius answered: "Four days ago I was in my house praying at this hour, at three in the afternoon. Suddenly a man in shining clothes stood before me and said, 'Cornelius, God has heard your prayer and remembered your gifts to the poor. Send to Joppa for Simon who is called Peter. He is a guest in the home of Simon the tanner, who lives by the sea.' So I sent for you immediately, and it was good of you to come. Now we are all here in the presence of God to listen to everything the Lord has commanded you to tell us."

Then Peter began to speak: "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right. You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, telling the good news of peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all. You know what has happened throughout Judea, beginning in Galilee after the baptism that John preached— how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how He went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with Him.

"We are witnesses of everything He did in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They killed Him by hanging him on a tree, but God raised Him from the dead on the third day and caused Him to be seen. He was not seen by all the people, but by witnesses whom God had already chosen—by us who ate and drank with Him after He rose from the dead. He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that He is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead. All the prophets testify about Him that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through his name."

While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God.

Then Peter said, "Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have." So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days.

The apostles and the brothers throughout Judea heard that the Gentiles also had received the word of God. So when Peter went up to Jerusalem, the circumcised believers criticized him and said, "You went into the house of uncircumcised men and ate with them."

Peter began and explained everything to them precisely as it had happened: "I was in the city of Joppa praying, and in a trance I saw a vision. I saw something like a large sheet being let down from heaven by its four corners, and it came down to where I was. I looked into it and saw four-footed animals of the earth, wild beasts, reptiles, and birds of the air. Then I heard a voice telling me, 'Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.'

"I replied, 'Surely not, Lord! Nothing impure or unclean has ever entered my mouth.'

"The voice spoke from heaven a second time, 'Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.' This happened three times, and then it was all pulled up to heaven again.

"Right then three men who had been sent to me from Caesarea stopped at the house where I was staying. The Spirit told me to have no hesitation about going with them. These six brothers also went with me, and we entered the man's house. He told us how he had seen an angel appear in his house and say, 'Send to Joppa for Simon who is called Peter. He will bring you a message through which you and all your household will be saved.'

"As I began to speak, the Holy Spirit came on them as He had come on us at the beginning. Then I remembered what the Lord had said: 'John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.' So if God gave them the same gift as He gave us, who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I to think that I could oppose God?"

When they heard this, they had no further objections and praised God, saying, "So then, God has granted even the Gentiles repentance unto life."

- Acts 10:1-11:18

Wait, did I just read that right? God accepted Cornelius and his household before they were even baptized?

Interesting.

And then the rest of the Christians back in Jerusalem gave Peter a hard time about associating with and accepting people who were different from them?

Interesting.

Or what about this?

When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them. When they arrived, they prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come upon any of them; they had simply been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

- Acts 8:14-17

So the folks in Samaria had been baptized, but hadn't yet been given the Holy Spirit? So baptism wasn't the only thing they needed?

Interesting.

I am a member of the Church of Christ because I believe it's the closest I've found to what God is asking us to do, but I don't for a second believe that we're so close that we've got an exclusive monopoly on the Truth.

Here's what I believe: Jesus Christ is the only way to get to God, and it is only through Christ that your sins can be forgiven. An important step in following Christ is baptism. Jesus Himself was baptized, so why on earth wouldn't we be?

But after that, it's living a life dedicated to truth, love, compassion, mercy, justice, fairness, patience, kindness, humility, evangelism, and so many other things that are so much bigger than baptism.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel."

- Matthew 23:23-24

Yeah, baptism matters, don't get me wrong. But it's not about the baptism of the body, it's about the baptism of the heart.

When will people get that? When, Lord, when?

There are folks out there who just can't get past the differences between names on our churches, and I pity those people. I'm not even mad anymore. I can't be. It's too sad.

I fully realize that there may be prospective employers reading this post, and I fully realize that this post may endanger whatever career future I could have had within the churches of Christ, but I can hold my head up and say that I really just don't care.

I'd rather die broke and homeless because I held onto my convictions that Christianity is maybe - just maybe - a bit bigger than one specific group of people than to be wealthy (or at least debt-free) and know that the only reason I ever got one cent was because I sold out my faith.

It's not up to me, it's not up to you, and it's not up to anybody else down here who makes it up there. It's up to God, and God alone. So let's all stop trying to do His job.

Sympathy for an Apostle

John the Baptist had not yet been dead for a full day.

The crowds wouldn't leave Jesus alone, even in His grief for His cousin, but He felt love for them anyway and healed their sick. As the night grew closer, He fed them all - over five thousand people - with five loaves of bread and two fish.

Once it was dark, though, Jesus told the Twelve to get out into the boat and wait for Him. After He sent the crowds home, He retreated up to the side of the mountain to pray.

The wind on the sea was fierce, and the disciples were already uneasy when they saw the impossible: there was a figure walking towards the boat, right in the middle of the water, miles from the shoreline.

"What IS that? Is that... Is that a person?"

"No way, man... There's just no way. Whatever it is, it's not human. There is no way that's a person. It's gotta be a ghost, man... That is just not possible!"

Jesus shouted out, "Hey, guys! Cool it. It's Me, don't worry."

Peter recognized the Lord's voice and leaned over the bow to get a better glimpse through the wind and the rain and the rocking of the boat. "Jesus? Oh, wow... Jesus, if that's you... If it's you, Lord, tell me to get out to you in the water."

"Well..." replied Jesus. "What are you waiting for? Come on!"

Peter's heart was pounding in his ears as he climbed over the side of the boat and touched down in the water. Tears were streaming down his face, tears of exuberant joy, mixed with the spray of the saltwater and the grime of the day's travels. He was getting closer. He was almost standing right next to the Master! The Teacher! The Lord! He was right there!

And that's when Peter noticed the chill of the wind blowing through his clothes. That's when he noticed the fury of the lightning. That's when he realized just how far he was from the boat.

And then he felt the water splash up over his head as he floundered into the sea. Gasping for air and flailing his arms in a struggle to stay afloat in his heavy wool tunic, Peter managed to choke out a simple cry for help; "Jesus! Please, help me! Save me, Lord, please!"

Jesus, standing as tranquil as He had appeared when the disciples first spotted Him walking out across the deep, dark blue expanse, reached out His arm, clasped Peter's hand, and pulled him up. When Peter had caught his breath and wiped all the water out of his eyes, he cast a sheepish glance at Jesus, who smiled softly.

"Peter... What were you afraid of? You knew it was Me! You asked Me to call you out into the water! You wanted to come out to Me! So what in the world were you afraid of? Did you think I couldn't handle it? Haven't you already seen Me raise the dead, heal the sick, let the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear, and the mute speak? Haven't you seen demons tremble at my coming? Didn't you just see Me feed over five thousand people? Peter... That was TODAY! What on earth were you afraid of?

"Peter... What did you think was going to happen to you? I was right there! You could see me! You were close enough to touch me! What did you think could possibly happen to you? Where was your faith? You trusted Me enough to leave everything you had and follow Me, what's stopping you from trusting Me now? The wind was already up when you got out of the boat. Nothing changed when you got out and came to Me.

"Peter... Don't you know who I Am yet?"

As Peter looked in His eyes and listened, the boat drew near. Jesus helped Peter climb into the boat and then followed him up. On deck, the disciples were gathered around, gazing in wide-eyed wonder and amazement at Peter and the Rabbi.

It was Peter who first fell to his knees and said, "You are, without a doubt, the Son of God."

- Matthew 14:22-33 (AJRV)

I get Peter.

I can really relate to his whole story here. I get where he's coming from, because I've been in the same place.

I've caught that first glimpse of Jesus, way off in the distance, way out where things stop making sense, and I said, "Hey! If you want me, I'll come out there, You just gotta let me know!"

And so He let me know.

So I jumped out of the boat and started running where I did not think I could even stand. I ran with all my heart, focused solely on the One who called me out to Him, and He helped me do the impossible. He brought me out to Him, carried me to where He is, showed me what He sees... And it was wonderful.

But then... but then...

But then I started noticing everything. I started noticing how far out I really was. I started noticing how hard it can be living a life wholly focused on God - hard because the World is dedicated to dragging me down to its level, completely committed to getting me dirty again so I fit in.

And that's when I fell. That's when I lost my footing and went under. That's when my faith was shaken - when I stopped focusing on Him.

And that's when He pulled me up, dusted me off, and said...

"Hey. What were you worried about? What did you possibly think was going to happen to you? Haven't I already brought you through more stuff than you thought you could ever survive in the first place? Haven't I shown you more of Myself in ways you never thought you could ever understand? Haven't I been here with you for every step?

"What were you worried about? You could see Me! You could hear Me! You could touch Me! You were so close to Me, and then you got worried... About what? About money? About time? About the future? About the past? What was it? What was it that could possibly have taken your focus off of Me? What is there worth worrying about?

"Don't you know that I love you? Don't you know that I'm never going to give up on you? Don't you know who I AM?"

I want to trust God, because I sure know that I can't trust myself all that much.

I'm forgetful. He's not.

I'm easily distracted. He's not.

I'm weak and powerless. He, most certainly, is not.

And so I find myself once again standing out in the water, and I'll admit, it's up over my ankles and occasionally splashing up to my knees. I'm scared, I don't know what I'm being called to do, and I'm really not too thrilled about a lot of the challenges that are coming my way no matter what I do.

But I am standing. Not on my own strength, but on His. My faith is completely in Him, as completely as He holds my life.

Come on out here with me. The water's nice.

Is Crazy Really That Bad?

So... I really think it's at least a decent possibility that I might actually have gone completely crazy...

Because... uhh... God talks to me.

Yeah, I know. It's nuts.

But seriously, it's also incredibly awesome.

I don't really know where to go from there. It's not like you can just tell most folks "Oh, hey, my name is Aaron, and God talks to me," and then expect the conversation to really get much more interesting than that.

I know it sounds crazy. Believe it or not, it feels crazy. But really, there's no other way I can possibly describe what's going on other than that God is talking to me.

I don't really know what this is. I think, believe and feel that it's the Holy Spirit working in me in a way that a lot of us aren't really predisposed to believe happens anymore. I've been reading my Bible, I've been sharing what I'm going through with close friends, I've been praying non-stop... I'm really trying to make sure I'm hearing what I'm hearing, because if I'm just making it all up and calling it God on my own, then... well... I guess I'm crazy.

But really, is this kind of crazy so bad?

Everybody thought Noah was crazy.

I'm sure the same can be said of Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Samuel, David, Elijah, Elisha, Daniel... Or what about John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, John the Revelator, Philip, Stephen... or even Jesus Himself?

I don't want to sound like I think I'm on par with any of those guys.

But I do know that we all worship the same God.

So why can't my God work the same miracles today that He worked back then?

More to the point, I guess... Instead of why can't He... Why wouldn't He?

Let me make this super clear here: yes, I am really saying that I really think that God is delivering personal messages directly to me. I don't hear a voice from the clouds, I just know that He's talking to me.

Part of why I know He's talking to me is that I'm not the only person He's talking to, nor am I part of some exclusive group.

I have friends who are on this wavelength - we're seeing the same stuff and it's kinda scary all around. We all want the same thing - to know God as deeply as we can - but there is just so much of today's world that has told us that God retired. There are so many in the world - in Christianity - who feel that God, for some vaguely defined reason, stopped working the same miracles as He once did in the Bible, and as I understand it, that's got something to do with the Bible itself existing. Since we have the Bible, God doesn't pull out the fireworks anymore.

Well... I have a counter-theory.

What if God didn't stop working the miracles at all? What if the only reason we ever stopped seeing God doing awesome stuff - like no-possible-explanation-for-this-except-God stuff - is because we stopped looking?

What if we don't see miracles because we don't think they're out there?

The Bible is pretty consistent in getting out the point that if you are genuinely looking for God, He'll show Himself to you.

So... score another one for the Bible being awesome...

Another part of what lets me know that this - whatever this is - is from God is that it doesn't contradict the Bible. In fact, everything I'm reading in the Bible makes me think that this is exactly what the Bible is talking about.

Is the fruit of the Spirit in your life because you chose to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled?

Or has the Holy Spirit borne that fruit in your life, changing you to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled?

I don't know about you, but I know that - for myself - it's the latter. I am a better person because God came into my life in such an unbelievably huge way. And I think "unbelievably" might be a pretty big word there.

Just how unbelievable is it for you that God talks to me? Just how unbelievable is it for you that God changed me? Just how unbelievable is it for you that He wants to do the same with you?

Just how alive is God for you?

Do you believe that He did all that crazy miracle stuff?

Or do you believe that He does all that crazy miracle stuff?

I don't want to claim anything special or unique here - it's not. The salvation of Jesus Christ is not unique to me. The Bible is not my own little special secret book. This is open for everyone. Every single person on this planet can get here if they choose to do so.

I really hope you will choose to do so, because trust me, it's awesome out here. Yeah, it's... it's weird at times. It's scary sometimes. Above all, it's enough to make a guy really question himself as well as his faith, but so far, the answer to all of the questions has consistently been GOD, in gigantic impossible-to-miss ways.

If God isn't talking to me, whatever it is that is talking to me - my own crazy mind or some other force unknown - is certainly telling me a whole lot about some really awesome stuff going down.

If God isn't talking to me, I have sent those letters and made those phone calls and seen those people and had those conversations that have ultimately ended up in somebody seeing God in a huge, huge, huge way - whether it's me or the people I'm talking to or even all of us... And it doesn't make a lot of sense for anything except God to be doing that.

If God isn't talking to me, then I have somehow found the exact right mental instability, because it has made me nicer, kinder, more patient, more joyous, more loving... It's made me a better man, being this crazy.

If this is crazy, it is an awesome crazy, and I really hope you get it.

I don't know - you might already be here. Maybe we just haven't talked about it. But one thing that I've found is that when you meet somebody else who is here, you know. Pretty much right away. As soon as God comes up - which is very quickly - you just know that you're talking to someone else who is seeing the same thing as you, and it's earth-shattering. It's SO big.

So very big.

And it's everywhere.

And it's all the time.

And it's real.

It's unmistakable. It's unavoidable. It's undeniable.

It's God.

But what if I'm just seeing what I want to see?

Well, since what I want to see is God in the first place... How is that bad?

And didn't Jesus in fact tell us that if we want to see God, that we would?

Isn't that the whole point of the ask-seek-knock deal? Ask and you'll receive, seek and you'll find, knock and the door will be opened to you? Isn't that a promise from Jesus Himself?

But it sounds so crazy. God talks to me? Really? That's what the homeless guy on the sidewalk in front of the Walgreens said, too.

Well... Yeah... But like I said... People thought Noah was crazy. People thought Peter and the other apostles were drunk on Pentecost. In I Corinthians 14, Paul tells the Corinthians that when they're actually displaying their spiritual gifts, non-believers are just going to be confused and think that they're all crazy people.

So again... Is crazy really that bad?

Call me crazy if you must. I'll take it.

But I think God and I are going to some pretty amazing places with the crazy. So I'm definitely along for the ride.

Get on board with me. See where it goes. I promise you'll like it.

If you're already on board... Can't wait to see where we wind up together.

But either way... Let's talk about it.