God's Role in the Story of Jephthah

Hoo-boy. Jephthah. I guess I'm doing this. Let's see what happens. It's gonna be a long one, so I hope you've got some time set aside.

Once you start getting deeper into the Bible than the typical Sunday School curriculum (complete with feltboard and fill-in-the-blank workbooks), you start to come across some stories that really don't get brought up very often from the pulpit. Some parts of the Bible just aren't used in youth group devotionals. Some Bible verses won't ever get a t-shirt, not even the really cool ones from the KJV.

Sometimes there are parts of the Bible that are brought up as accusations against the Christian faith, or against God Himself. The objection seems to be that since God allowed horrible things to happen, even within the confines of the Israelites, God's chosen people, then He's obviously no God worth following. It's an extension of the entire "problem of evil" or "the problem of pain." If God is all-powerful, all-loving, and all-benevolent, how can evil or pain exist? Why isn't life just a flawless paradise already?

I'd like to take a moment here to say that I'm not really sure if I'm stating the case for objection correctly, because it's never really made sense to me. My own personal objections to God didn't have much to do with how He treated people 5,000 years ago on the opposite side of the planet. So I realize that if I'm way off base with the objection, my defense won't necessarily work.

In this post, I'm going to be talking about the story of Jephthah, found in Judges 10:6-12:7. I realize that this is not the only problem people have with the Bible. A lot of people have a hard time reconciling the Jealous "I AM" of the First Testament to the Father God of the New Testament, especially in light of the Mosaic law's tendency towards capital punishment for seemingly minor offenses, implied acceptance of slavery, and marginalization of women, as well as the brutal nature of the conquest of Canaan as recorded in Joshua and Judges.

Rest assured, I'll get to that. Just not in this post.

For now, though... Jephthah.

I'm not going to put the whole story of Jephthah here. If you'd like to read it all, go to Judges 10:6-12:7. I will post the most troublesome part, though - this is where the objection comes in for a lot of people.

And Jephthah made a vow to the LORD : "If you give the Ammonites into my hands, whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the LORD's, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering."

Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the LORD gave them into his hands. He devastated twenty towns from Aroer to the vicinity of Minnith, as far as Abel Keramim. Thus Israel subdued Ammon.

When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of tambourines! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter. When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, "Oh! My daughter! You have made me miserable and wretched, because I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break."

"My father," she replied, "you have given your word to the LORD. Do to me just as you promised, now that the LORD has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites. But grant me this one request," she said. "Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry."

"You may go," he said. And he let her go for two months. She and the girls went into the hills and wept because she would never marry. After the two months, she returned to her father and he did to her as he had vowed. And she was a virgin.

From this comes the Israelite custom that each year the young women of Israel go out for four days to commemorate the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite.

- Judges 11:30-40

That's pretty awful.

From a purely humanistic point of view - not even bringing questions of religion into play - this is pretty appalling. A very young girl - remember that in ancient cultures, marriage usually came pretty close to puberty - is sacrificed as a burnt offering, dying a horrifying death as a result of the religious folly of her father.

It's heartbreaking. It's absolutely terrible.

And yet it is in the Bible. And it would seem, after a surface reading, that God condoned the action, accepting the sacrifice of Jephthah's daughter. It is this specific point - that God allowed the sacrifice to happen - that seems to be the most prominent problem presented in this story.

So how do we reconcile this event to the story of a holy and loving God? How can we possibly accept this story as the will of God?

Well... I don't actually think we can. I don't think we should.

I think there's a really important clue as to how we're supposed to take this story - as well as the rest of the book of Judges - in chapter 2. In Judges 2, Joshua has died, and the Israelites have begun their long-standing and oft-repeated cycle of abandoning their covenant with God. When Israel turns away from God, God allows Israel to be overtaken by one of the remaining Canaanite nations. After a while, Israel gets its mind right and calls out to God once again, and God sends a judge to deliver Israel. But as soon as the judge dies, Israel falls away again, and the cycle is repeated. That's what leads to God's decision at the end of the chapter, and a really important lesson about the educational philosophy of God.

Therefore the LORD was very angry with Israel and said, "Because this nation has violated the covenant that I laid down for their forefathers and has not listened to me, I will no longer drive out before them any of the nations Joshua left when he died. I will use them to test Israel and see whether they will keep the way of the LORD and walk in it as their forefathers did."

- Judges 2:20-22, emphasis added

I believe that the story of Jephthah is an example of Israel failing that test.

I've mentioned before that sometimes loving parents have to deny their children something they want - or at least think they want - because the consequences, whether immediate or delayed, are detrimental to the overall health and happiness of that child more than the benefits of gratification would be a positive in that child's life. To reuse my original example: letting a child eat an entire bag of Oreos may result in temporary happiness - because, hey, Oreos are delicious - but it will also result in at least a stomachache for the night, and possibly, if the Oreo buffet continues and becomes a regular thing, cavities and Type II Diabetes.

But on the other hand, sometimes loving parents have to allow their children to make the poor choices that lead to negative consequences in hopes that the negative outcome will serve as its own deterrent punishment and will allow the children to learn from their own mistakes. And sometimes, even if their children aren't actually making the mistakes themselves, parents have to allow their children to see the consequences - gruesome as they may sometimes be - when someone else chooses poorly. (By the way - my own parents were pretty big fans of both of those ideas. Remind me to tell you the story of our cat, Oatmeal, and how I learned at three years old not to play in the road...)

That's what's going on here. God is allowing Jephthah to make a horrific mistake so Israel can learn from it. It's a hard lesson for Israel to learn, but it seems that it was a necessary one.

I want to point out a passage from Leviticus that sheds some interesting light on this event.

The LORD said to Moses, "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'I am the LORD your God. You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God. Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the LORD.

"'No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the LORD.

"'Do not dishonor your father by having sexual relations with your mother. She is your mother; do not have relations with her.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your father's wife; that would dishonor your father.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your son's daughter or your daughter's daughter; that would dishonor you.

"'Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father's wife, born to your father; she is your sister.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your father's sister; she is your father's close relative.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your mother's sister, because she is your mother's close relative.

"'Do not dishonor your father's brother by approaching his wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law. She is your son's wife; do not have relations with her.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your brother's wife; that would dishonor your brother.

"'Do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter. Do not have sexual relations with either her son's daughter or her daughter's daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness.

"'Do not take your wife's sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.

"'Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period.

"'Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor's wife and defile yourself with her.

"'Do not give any of your children to be sacrificed to Molech, for you must not profane the name of your God. I am the LORD.

"'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

"'Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.

"'Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the aliens living among you must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.

"'Everyone who does any of these detestable things—such persons must be cut off from their people. Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God.' "

- Leviticus 18, emphasis added

I used to be kinda confused by this chapter. I always thought there was just something strange about the way it flowed: "Here's a big list of all the people you can't have sex with. And while we're at it, don't sacrifice your kids. Also, here are more people you can't have sex with."

But the thing is, it really makes sense once you recognize the conditional aspects of the morality being prescribed here. God is telling Israel not only that there are certain things that they, as the chosen people of a Holy God, cannot do, but He is also laying down a conditional aspect, telling Israel that the nations who were in Canaan before their arrival had been completely depraved people, sleeping with animals, having sex with their parents or children or even grandchildren, and sacrificing their children to Molech.

So Canaan has already become a place where the sacrifice of children is acceptable. Israel, now living among these Canaanite nations, has been seduced by the false gods of the surrounding nations (quite probably because they were also seduced by the temple prostitutes of those false gods). As time goes by, as the connection to the Mosaic covenant weakens in the hearts and minds of the Israelites, they begin to absorb the theology of the Canaanites on a cultural level, which replaced the cultural understanding of God that had been established during the time under Moses and Joshua.

So let's see who's been paying attention... In Judges 10, Israel has turned away from God, and has been conquered by the Ammonites. Take a guess at who the chief god of the Ammonites was.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites.

- I Kings 11:7, emphasis added

So here we see that Israel is surrounded by a culture (the Ammonites) that practices the worship of a false god (Molech) which requires the sacrifice of children (which is completely horrible, and specifically forbidden by God on pain of land-vomit). We also see that God is allowing Israel to find their own way, testing them, to see if they will "keep the way of the LORD" or not.

Jephthah's view of how God works had been distorted by the culture he lived in. Jephthah believed that God, like Molech, was bound to the invocation of a worshiper. When someone made a sacrifice to Molech - or Ba'al, or Ashteroth, or Chemosh, or any of the other gods - it was with a sort of "payment" idea in mind. "If I slaughter this calf for Ba'al, that means that Ba'al is obligated to bless me with fertile crops this coming season." God didn't - and doesn't - work like that. Sacrifices were made to God in thanks for everything He had already done - like delivering the Israelites out of Egypt, bringing in good crops, or, you know, creating the universe - as well as sacrifices made for atonement of sins and sacrifices made just in praise and worship of the one true holy God.

So what happened? Israel fell away from God, embraced the culture of idol worship they were surrounded by, which in turn distorted their view of God when they tried to return to Him. Jephthah, operating under that distorted view, sacrifices his daughter. God does not stop Him, but allows Jephthah's truly awful sin to take place.

Jephthah's sin is so heinous, so abominable, so detestable, that the writer of Judges cannot even bring himself to write down what actually happened to Jephthah's daughter. Notice that in verse 39 it simply says that "he did to her as he had vowed."

BUT! There is something VERY important to notice here! Notice the last phrase of verse 39, and then verse 40.

From this comes the Israelite custom that each year the young women of Israel go out for four days to commemorate the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite.

What is this commemoration about? Is it a thankful celebration to the God who delivered Israel from her captors, taking only a young girl as His payment? Or is it a somber memorial of how far Israel had fallen away from God? Is it a ritual to help remind Israel of their own past sin? Is it a wake-up cry for the people of God to remember that not only have they been delivered from a life of slavery in Egypt, but that they have also been delivered out of a life of slavery to sin?

God called the Israelites to live as a holy and righteous people. Several times in Leviticus, God says, "I am the LORD your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy." Their ethical behavior, specifically prescribed by God, was to be in pursuit of the holiness of God. The sacrifice of an innocent young girl was enough of a shock to wake Israel up, shake her out of her theological confusion, and bring her back closer to God.

Did God allow the sacrifice of Jephthah's daughter to happen? Well... He didn't stop it, so I guess that counts as "allowing" it, yeah... But God also allowed Eve to listen to the serpent, and Adam to listen to Eve - but they learned from it. God also allowed me to make all the many, many, many mistakes I've made in my life - but I've learned from them. So did God allow Israel - through Jephthah - to make a mistake? Yes. But they learned from that mistake.

Did God accept Jephthah's sacrifice? There's nothing in the story that suggests He did. In Judges 11:29, the "spirit of the LORD" has already come over Jephthah when he makes his foolish, rash vow. This vow, by the way, was already going to get Jephthah in trouble no matter what happened. By vowing to sacrifice "whatever," Jephthah is violating Levitical code, which specifically listed the requirements for what could and could not be sacrificed to God, as well as how the sacrifices were to be made. He's also violating the very spirit of sacrifice. God wants our sacrifice to be intentional, planned out, and deliberate... not just "Well, I'll give God whatever I've got laying around when I think of it."

We also see here the danger of allowing the mindset of the world to become intermingled with our faith. Are we as Christians today in danger of sacrificing our children as burnt offerings to God if we aren't listening to the pure truth of the Gospel? Well... Probably not.

But are we in danger of leading our children down paths that aren't where God intended for us to go? Very much so.

Joel Osteen has made a bajillion dollars telling people that a life of good Christian piety leads to worldly success. The Prayer of Jabez put forth the idea that if you just pray like a guy mentioned exactly one time ever in the entire Bible, you'll be able to have an enormous stock portfolio and 3 BMWs in the garage. And of course there is always just the idea that "God wants me to be happy!"

That's the world talking. That's not God.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

- James 1:27, emphasis added

Make sure you know what you believe. Make sure you believe what you say you believe. Make sure you live what you believe. Love God, love others, and do it in that order. Anything else just slows you down.

I would like to extend very heartfelt and sincere thanks to my dear friend Peggy Thomas for all of her help on this one. I could not have written this without her. (Well, at least not the coherent and sensible parts - I got stupid covered just fine on my own, thanks.)

Freethinking In Christ

"Few people are worthy to believe in nothing."

- Jean Rostand

Behold, dear reader, the pinnacle of cosmic arrogance. Jean Rostand was a French biologist and philosopher, born in 1894, and died in 1977. I have not read any of Rostand's work outside of this quote, so I cannot judge it in its context, but it is pretty hard to imagine that there are very many possible contexts in which this quote manages to sound any better. As it is, we have here the ultimate representation of human arrogance. To believe - especially as a scientist! - that it is the privileged few who come to the idea that there is nothing in the universe bigger, stronger, smarter, holier than the self is self-worship on an absolutely impressive scale. To believe that anyone who believes in anything larger than themselves is not "worthy" of believing in nothing... That is, quite simply, sad.

According to Rostand, the ultimate goal - the height of man - is to realize that we are alone in the universe. According to Rostand, it is the elite few, the chosen, the especially wise, who will realize that life has no meaning, and that our existence is merely an accident.

I wonder how many atheists really think out the fullest extension of the idea that the universe as we know it - including all life on earth - just "happened." The more I look at it, the more absurd it looks. Now, I make no secret about the fact that I don't believe in a literal 6-day creation of the world. But I do firmly believe that God created everything. I do believe that God created the universe, and therefore everything in it comes, at least by extension if not direct creation, from God.

The thing about it is that if man is an accident, then everything man has ever accomplished is an accident. If there is no higher power or reason providing the sparks of intelligence and creativity in humanity, then everything we've ever come up with is mere happenstance, akin to the infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of keyboards eventually banging out Hamlet.

If life is the result of a mere chain of collisions of atoms, then Hamlet, for instance, really was nothing but an accident. If humanity is the product of random chance, then Botticelli's The Birth of Venus is just a remarkable coincidence. If mankind is nothing more than the product of a 1-in-1,000,000,000,000,000,000 chance, then that means The Allman Brothers Band At Fillmore East was mere chance, and I personally refuse to believe that "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" doesn't carry at least some hint of the divine.

See, it just makes more sense to me that there would be a Creator. There is too much amazing stuff in Creation for there to not be a Creator.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use..."

- Galileo Galilei

This is why the terms "freethought" and "freethinker" irk me. The idea is that "freethought" is based entirely on logic, reason, and science, and that religious beliefs are somehow the antithesis of all "freethought."

I personally find that to be an absolutely ludicrous belief.

"Some hold the undemonstrable dogma of the existence of God; some the equally undemonstrable dogma of the existence of the man next door."

- G.K. Chesterton

It absolutely boggles my mind that, at least in the conversations I've had, the atheist rejection of God seems to be inextricably linked to the non-tangibility of God. The argument typically comes as this: "I can't physically experience God through any of my personal senses, so God, therefore, cannot be real."

"Since only what is material is perceptible, knowable, nothing is known of the existence of God."

- Karl Marx

What absolutely blows my mind, however, is that it is typically the same people who reject God based on their lack of tangible experience who will readily embrace the ideas of non-theistic abiogenesis (life appearing from the inanimate primordial soup), or the Super String Theory, or any number of other scientific ideas that are every bit as impossible to prove as the existence or non-existence of God, but there is a rabid, militant defense for these things simply because they have the stamp of approval from SCIENCE! All-knowing, all-powerful, all-trustworthy, infallible SCIENCE!

Let me make this point very clear right now: I'm not saying that science is an inherently anti-God field, nor am I saying that good Christians can't follow scientific thought, nor am I saying that science and religion are incompatible worldviews. What I am saying, however, is that there are atheists out there in the world who will mock me and my belief in something I cannot see or touch, but believe every bit as strongly in something they cannot see or touch, either, and will often times defend that belief with the same zeal and passion that I hold in my defense of the Cross.

The only difference is that their belief prescribes no specific moral conduct.

"Well, I tell you, if I have been wrong in my agnosticism, when I die I'll walk up to God in a manly way and say, Sir, I made an honest mistake."

- Henry Louis Mencken

In the discussions I have had with the atheists who were every bit as eager and hopeful to see me denounce religion as I am to see them embrace Christ, one specific point has consistently arisen that I find to be an absolutely absurd - and I mean positively just downright silly - argument against Christianity, and that is the idea that we Christians are inherently flawed in our thinking because we believe in something we cannot see.

What I don't understand is how that's meant to be a convincing argument, since that is, in fact, one of the central points of the Christian faith, straight from the mouth of Jesus.

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"

But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

- John 20:24-29, emphasis added

"If the book the Bible and my brain are both the work of the same Infinite God, whose fault is it that the book and my brain do not agree?"

- Robert Green Ingersoll

Faith is not the absence of reason. Faith is not the suppression of reason. Faith is the step above reason.

My faith in God is not based on what my parents told me. My belief in Jesus is not based on the stories I heard as a child in church. My Christianity is not merely the product of my upbringing. I am thankful that I was raised in a Christian home, that I was raised in a church-going family, that I was taught the Bible from a young age, but that is not what holds me to my faith, trust me. I've had too many late nights all alone in my head, rejecting the idea of a God, loving or vengeful or merely apathetic, to be able to honestly say that the path of my childhood is the only reason I'm a Christian today. I have come to know God in Christ through the Spirit, and my faith is based on my reasoning, and my reasoning is based on my experience. I have lived a life of sin and I have lived a life of righteousness. I have found the life of righteousness to be better.

I cannot touch His scars, but I can - and do - feel and know His presence.

Napoleon Bonaparte, during his exile on St. Helena, was in a discussion with Charles Tristan, Marquis de Montholon, about Christ. He asked the marquis, "Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?" The count declined to respond, at which point Napoleon answered:

"Well then, I will tell you. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him... I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man; none else is like Him: Jesus Christ was more than a man... I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me... but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lightened up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts... Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a philosopher may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the empire of Christ. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ."

If the sole basis for the acceptance or rejection of God is to be tangible experience, then I have no choice but to embrace God with all that I am and have, because I have experienced things that have made it clear to me, in ways that I cannot even begin to compare to anything else in this world, that there is a God, that He has a direct interest in my life, and that He is working in me so that I may do His work in the world.

This is just a prologue to something that has been on my mind for a while now. My next few posts - I would say at least the next three - are going to be dealing, in at least some way, with issues of faith, especially in a sense of apologetics. I don't claim to have all the answers. I don't even want to claim to have ANY of the answers. I have my faith, I have my Bible, and I have - most importantly - the Holy Spirit. I want to be better "prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks [me] to give the reason for the hope that [I] have" (I Peter 3:15), and I hope that this can help prepare you, as well.

If there was ever a time when I wanted your input, your feedback, your questions, your comments... Now is the time! This isn't just for me, and this isn't just for you. This is for the Kingdom of God. This is for all of us. This is for the glory of Christ, and for the Hope and Faith we have in Him.

May God bless each one of us as we strive to show this sick, lost, and hurting world His Face by showing His Love. In Christ's Name, Amen.

Do I Surprise You?

So a few nights ago, I went out to Nashville with my buddy Will to catch the Umphrey's McGee show at War Memorial Auditorium. That it was Umphrey's McGee doesn't really have any bearing on the story, I just thought I would throw that out for those of you who actually know who Umphrey's McGee is, so you could be jealous. (As you all should.)

While we were standing in line for our tickets, we got to talking to this guy - well, OK, he got to talking to us - who really liked letting us know just how connected he was. He said he was college buddies with the guys in the opening band, and would have been on the guest list if he'd wanted to, but he felt like paying for his ticket to support his friends. He pointed out a name on one of the bronze plaques commemorating all of the soldiers from Tennessee who died in WWI, and proudly said, "Well, there it is! Cunningham!" (or whatever his last name was, I forget), as though Will and I should have already known who this guy was. As time went on, he kept name-dropping all these people he'd worked with, places he'd gone, how much he paid for the rarer brands of Scotch he had in his cabinet back home...

But then he started talking about his break-up with his girlfriend. They'd broken up two months ago, and he was showing incredible maturity and restraint by not just immediately seducing any of the dozens - nay, scores! - of eager, nubile women he could have easily attained at any moment. Instead, he told us, he was taking some time off from the dating scene. After all, he knows they'll wind up back together eventually. And besides, he's still good friends with her father, since, as he pointed out to us, "he's a Christian, I'm a Christian, we're both Christian men, so there's been a reconciliation..."

Now... PLEASE don't think that I'm making any sort of judgment call on this guy. There was nothing about his behavior in the 30 minutes or so that Will and I were waiting in line with him that was characteristically un-Christian. He was kind of long winded, maybe, but hey, so was Paul. I definitely don't have any problem with Christians drinking, and there's nothing in the world wrong with a Christian being at an Umphrey's McGee show.

But at the same time, I was surprised when he just dropped that tidbit on me. It's not so much that there was anything in his behavior that made me think he wasn't a Christian, it's just that there was absolutely nothing about his behavior that made me think he was a Christian.

I really hope people aren't surprised when I tell them I'm a Christian. I really hope it makes sense. I really hope they don't even need me to tell them!

People are consistently surprised when they find out I'm an Eagle Scout. Honestly, I can see how that happens.

People are consistently surprised when they find out I'm actually a pretty good cook. This is an absolute mystery to me.

But I really hope my faith comes as no surprise to people. I am striving to present an endless, selfless, deep, genuine love to everyone I meet - a "love that surpasses knowledge."

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

- Ephesians 5:1-2

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?

- II Corinthians 2:14-16

So here's how that's all coming out in my life right now.

I am becoming less and less of a jerk with each passing day, and quite frankly, it's exhilarating.

I am becoming more and more of the guy I've always wanted people to think I already was. I'm more patient, more sympathetic and empathetic, more generous, more self-controlled, more gentle... All around nicer! I'm just becoming a nicer guy! And it's fantastic!

I'm telling you all this not to boast in my own accomplishments, or in any way to glorify myself, but to sincerely give all credit and praise to God for the work He has done, is doing, and will continue to do in me.

I look at the guy I was five years ago, the guy I was three years ago, the guy I was one year ago, the guy I was yesterday, and I see so many parts of my life where God has refused to let me stay the same, even if I was perfectly content to do just that.

I've been through some pain, but that pain served to buff out my rough spots. I've been through some really high points, but those high points served to show me how well my life can work when I have love on my mind and Christ in my heart. I've been through some really hectic, frenetic, manically busy spots, but being so busy served to show me that there are some things I don't need to worry about, because God has it taken care of already. I've been through some really slow, dull, empty stretches, but those slow periods served to teach me the value of meditation and time alone with God.

So why am I telling you? What good does it do you? Well... I don't really know.

I hope my testimony can be a point of hope for you in your walk with God. Maybe you're already beyond where I am right now, or you're getting there with me, and this is simply an opportunity for you to join me in thanking God for the transformative work He does in all of us when we open up to Him. If you're not quite there yet - if you're still struggling to allow God's will to supersede your own, if you're still having a hard time hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit over your own voice - then I hope this can serve as a point of encouragement for you. I hope that you can see where God has brought me in my walk with Him, and let that show you that you can walk just as far, and even farther.

You CAN have an intimate, personal, vibrant relationship with God. Believe me. If I can do it, anybody can. If God can take me - arrogant, skeptical, impulsive, greedy, selfish, impatient, lustful and bitter as I was - and turn me into a new man - a more humble, more faithful, more self-controlled, more generous, more selfless, more patient, more pure and more joyous man - then He can certainly do it with you, or anyone else for that matter.

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

- I Timothy 1:12-17

I can take no credit - and don't want to anyway - for the changes that are coming around in me. The glory belongs entirely to God, who reconciled me to Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ, and who guides me in His Will for me through His Holy Spirit.

I want to be Christ to the world around me. I want to show everyone I come in contact with the same love that has been shown to me. I want to build a reputation as a man singularly dedicated to the expansion of the Kingdom of God. I want to love, share, teach, preach, reach, serve, feed, clothe, visit... I want to do it all. I want to be God's conduit. I want to be unstoppable.

My friend Corwin and I have had a couple of conversations lately that have led us to an idea we're both really fond of. It's sad to say that in today's world we are not unfamiliar with religious extremists who are willing to die violent suicidal deaths, taking out groups of innocents and themselves as well in the name of their faith.

But what if we had that same zeal? What if we had that same unstoppable, fanatical faith that would lead us to sacrifice our own lives? And what if, instead of sacrificing our lives in the name of violence and terror, we sacrificed our lives in the name of love and peace? What if we decided that we weren't going to be suicide bombers, but instead, suicide lovers? What if we decided, "OK, world... You know what? I am going to love you, no matter what. I am going to show you what love really looks like, even if it kills me."

I imagine that would be something of a surprise, wouldn't it?

I'm Getting Hungry Again

The sixth chapter of the Gospel of John opens with the feeding of the five thousand, after which Jesus heads up a mountain to get away from the people. The disciples boat on out into the Sea of Galilee, Jesus walks out to them on the water, and once He gets into the boat, they land in Capernaum. The next morning, the crowds realize that Jesus and the disciples are all gone - and, conveniently enough, so's their boat. So the crowd hops aboard a few boats that have just arrived for the morning's commerce and sail on over to Capernaum, looking for Jesus.

When they found Him on the other side of the lake, they asked Him, "Rabbi, when did You get here?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, you are looking for Me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On Him God the Father has placed His seal of approval."

Then they asked Him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"

Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the One He has sent."

So they asked Him, "What miraculous sign then will You give that we may see it and believe You? What will you do? Our forefathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written: 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'"

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

"Sir," they said, "from now on give us this bread."

Then Jesus declared, "I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen Me and still you do not believe. All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and whoever comes to Me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do My will but to do the will of Him who sent Me. And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall lose none of all that He has given Me, but raise them up at the last day. For My Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

- John 6:25-40

Sometimes I read through the Gospels and I get this sense that everybody living in 1st century A.D. Judea, including the 12 Apostles, was an idiot. There are so many of Jesus' lessons in the Gospels that people completely miss, even the Twelve, that I am quite often simply amazed at the infinite stretches of human stupidity.

And then I turn around and realize that I could just as easily have been a member of any of those crowds that completely missed the point, because I'm still missing the point from time to time here and now.

The crowds were already impressed by Jesus. John 6:2 says that "a great crowd of people followed Him because they saw the miraculous signs He had performed on the sick." The interest in the power of Christ was already there.

But then they ate! It seems that the crowds of Jesus' time had a lot in common with me - once the question of dinner is brought up, it doesn't matter how impressive anything else you showed me, said to me, or did for me was, because when I'm hungry, food takes precedence over all of it. But if you provide me with food, then I will remember you forever with kindness in my heart. My opinions of people who have prepared food for me are very closely tied to the quality (and quantity) of that food.

Notice how the people initially react to their miraculous dinner:

After the people saw the miraculous sign that Jesus did, they began to say, "Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world." Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make Him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by Himself.

- John 6:14-15 (emphasis added)

This crowd has been following Jesus around all day, watching Him heal the sick. There was enough buzz going around - Jesus' reputation preceded Him - that over 5,000 people showed up. They had already seen countless miracles, heard all the rumors, seen the magnetism this carpenter from Nazareth clearly exhibited wherever He went... But it wasn't until He gave everybody dinner that they went off the handle. I can see it now:

Crowd person #1: "So, what do you think of Jesus?"

Crowd person #2: "Well, I think He's onto something. He cured my father-in-law's gangrene, so that's kinda neat, I guess..."

Crowd person #1: "Yeah... I dunno. I like Him as a PERSON and everything, but I don't know if I can really get behind His message, you know?"

Andrew, the Apostle: "Hey guys, here's your fish and bread."

Crowd person #2: "Whaaaaat? Where'd this come from?"

Andrew, the Apostle: "Oh, Jesus miraculously made it for you. Enjoy! He already said the blessing, so you can just dig in."

Crowd person #2: "I don't care what anybody says, I am personally going to march on Rome RIGHT NOW and put Jesus in charge. This is happening. I am so serious."

Crowd person #1: "I WOULD TACKLE AN ENTIRE LEGION OF ROMAN SOLDIERS WITH NOTHING BUT MY SANDALS TO MAKE JESUS KING."

Crowd person #2: "LET US DO THIS THING!"

It seems silly, doesn't it? (I've been sleeping a lot today, so I'll admit that my sense of silly might be a little off-balance.)

But when they finally catch up to Jesus, He calls them out on it, saying, "Look - you're not coming after Me because I was healing the sick, you're here because I gave you holy Filet-O-Fish sandwiches yesterday and you can't think past your stomachs. Don't focus on where your next meal will come from - focus on where the meaning of the life sustained by those meals comes from. Don't just follow Me because I can make your stomachs full, follow Me because I can make your LIFE full!"

The crowd was right to follow Jesus. And they weren't really wrong to follow Him because He provided them with food - after all, the Israelites wandering in the wilderness were miraculously fed by God, Jesus was feeding them miraculously... Maybe the guy had something to say!

But what Jesus tells them when they finally catch up to Him is that if all they're looking for is their next meal, the thing that sustains them, the thing that just lets them get by, then they are completely missing the point.

Two posts ago, I wrote about how my renewed dedication to studying the Bible and encountering God were both birthed out of a broken heart. I was turning to God, turning to the Bible, in efforts to turn away from my pain.

I'm currently looking for a church to work with. In fact, I'm driving up to Illinois on Saturday to teach class and deliver a sermon for the congregation in Marshall. For over a month now, I've been studying the story of Jephthah in Judges 10-11, carefully reading the text over and over, seeking out the opinions of people I respect and love, trying to forge something that I can relate from the pulpit, something that would be a strong presentation of my knowledge and understanding of Scripture. I was spending a lot of time with the Bible, but all that time was spent focusing on my sermon, my job, my future.

I've been spending a lot of time with God lately. I've been praying, meditating, studying, reading, sharing, thinking, and all sorts of other perfect progressive tense verbs more than at any other point in my life. It's been good.

But it's also been focused on the wrong thing.

I turned to God to get away from the pain of my broken heart, not to get away from the sin of my broken soul. I turned to God to find a secure job and a paycheck for my future, not to find the job He has already secured for me in His Kingdom.

I have been focused on God, but I've been using Him. I've been seeking God because it served my ends, because it bettered my life. But I kinda think that's missing the point.

I kinda think I'm supposed to seek God because He's God.

So here again I find myself looking into the infinite stretches of the unknown that stands before me, placing my hope, my trust, and my very life into the hands of the One who created Life, the Universe, and Everything...

...and waiting to see where He takes me next.