Seeing What I Want to See

I don't know about you, but 2010 was awesome for me.

Was every day of the year blue skies and rainbows? Oh, merciful goodness, no. By no means! There was heartache all over. There was impatient anger and indignant fury. There were lies and betrayals. There were lots of disappointments on some seriously fundamental levels. BAD STUFF HAPPENED this past year, make no mistake.

But 2010 is going to go down in my own personal history books as the year I finally let God take full control of my life, and that fact alone has made it by far my best non-1983 year to date.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

- Matthew 7:7-8

I will give thanks to You, LORD, with all my heart;

I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and rejoice in You;

I will sing the praises of Your name, O Most High.

Those who know Your name trust in You,

for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You.

- Psalm 9:1-2, 10

I will extol the LORD at all times;

His praise will always be on my lips.

I will glory in the LORD;

let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the LORD with me;

let us exalt His name together.

I sought the LORD, and He answered me;

He delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to Him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;

He saved him out of all his troubles.

- Psalm 34:1-6

You, God, are my God,

earnestly I seek You;

I thirst for You,

my whole being longs for You,

in a dry and parched land

where there is no water.

I have seen You in the sanctuary

and beheld Your power and Your glory.

Because Your Love is better than life,

my lips will glorify You.

I will praise You as long as I live,

and in Your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise You.

- Psalm 63:1-5

But if you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

- Deuteronomy 4:29

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

- Hebrews 11:6

I hope you picked up a theme in all of that. In case you didn't, let me sum it up:

IF YOU LOOK FOR GOD, YOU WILL FIND HIM.

Before I go any further, let me make something perfectly clear: I do not understand atheism.

Yeah, I know what atheism is. I get that.

And yeah, I can see how it came about. That's not a problem.

But what I specifically don't understand is this idea that it's up to God to show us He exists instead of being up to us to find Him - especially when God specifically says, "If you look for Me, you will find Me," as I've already pointed out.

Bertrand Russell - 20th century British philosopher, logician, mathematician, historian, prolific writer, and renowned atheist - was once asked what he would say to God if, after his death, he found himself standing at the Judgment. How would he explain his staunch atheism?

"I will say: ‘I’m terribly sorry, but you didn’t give us enough evidence.’"

Now... I don't know what would have qualified as "enough evidence" in Russell's mind. Paul makes an appeal in the beginning chapters of Romans that earth itself is enough to point to God, and a similar theme is brought up in the first six verses of Psalm 19.

And I don't have any problem admitting that I'm not entirely up to snuff on the textual criticism of the Bible. I do not personally possess the knowledge sufficient to defend the early dates or the traditionally ascribed authorship of the New Testament. If there are doubts about the historical legitimacy and authenticity of the text, there will be doubts about the veracity of the text. This is an entirely understandable objection.

But let me, in my objection to the atheistic requirement that God provide the evidence for His existence, provide some evidence on His behalf.

I looked for God.

I found Him.

(This happens to be exactly what God said would happen.)

Now, it makes all the sense in the world to me to think that this would be enough to turn even the most stubborn of atheists, but of course, that's not the case, so let me go a little further.

You know those little sausage balls that show up every once in a while at the good church get-togethers and Christmas parties and wedding receptions and all that? The unbelievably delicious little perfect mixture of sausage, cheese, and crispy breading? You wanna know how to make those? Get ready, because here it comes:

3 cups Bisquick

1 lb. sausage

1 lb. cheese

Mix all ingredients. Scoop out mixture into little sausage ball-sized sausage balls.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes, or until sausage balls are a crispy golden brown, like sausage balls ought to be.

You have now made sausage balls. Congratulations, everybody loves you.

Now... if you try that recipe and green bean casserole comes out of your oven, one of two things will be true. Option number one is that I lied to you. Option number two is that you didn't follow the recipe. Which of those two do you believe to be more likely? Would I have any reason to lie to you about how to make sausage balls? Come on. Think about this. I am a fat dude, and there is always the possibility of you sharing with me, so I will do everything within my power to ensure the existence of sausage balls.

It seems to me that the atheist position of asking God to prove Himself (when God has said that if we look for Him we will find Him) is a lot like someone saying that the recipe for sausage balls can't possibly be true because the sausage balls don't make themselves. If you're not willing to follow the recipe, you can't ever know if the recipe is actually right.

The big objection to me tying the theory of the recipe for sausage balls to God is, of course, going to be that we all know sausage balls exist because we've all seen them, smelled them, eaten them, thrown violent temper tantrums when we ran out of them... (Well, maybe not ALL of us have done that.)

But God - whom even the Bible says no man has ever seen (John 1:18, I John 4:12) - cannot be proven in the same way as sausage balls, right?

Well...

God says, "If you look for Me, you will find Me." I looked for God and I found Him. Turns out God was right! Isn't that neat?

Now I know that argument would probably never hold up against a committed atheist, especially an atheist who already knows that there's not even a possibility of a God. The atheist rebuttal to my "finding" God would inevitably boil down to the idea of my living under a delusion, separate from reason, in defiance of evidence to the contrary... After all, if I'm seeing God at work in my life, then I'm only seeing what I want to see, so it can't be true.

This is another one that blows my mind.

Dad and I wanted to see True Grit. So we went to the theater and saw True Grit. We both really enjoyed it.

Did we see what we wanted to see? Yep. Sure did.

So does that mean that we didn't actually see True Grit?

I could go on, but I think you get the picture, so now I can move on to the point I really wanted to make.

I've been framing this whole thing since the wall-o'-scripture in a Christian-versus-atheist light because it allows me to use really broad strokes and get the BIG idea across. But now, I've got to do some detail work and talk Christian to Christian.

If you're a Christian, I know you already believe in God. I know you already believe in Jesus. I know you already trust the Bible to be accurate.

But what I don't know is if you're actually taking it seriously.

Let me stress the "I don't know" part of that last sentence. I'm not saying you're not taking it seriously. I'm just saying that I don't know. You're the only one who can.

Well... You and God.

Ask yourself... Do you actually believe Jesus when He says, in Matthew 6, that if you seek God first, everything else will fall into place?

Do you actually believe Him when He says, in Matthew 7, that if you seek Him, you will find Him?

Do you actually believe what the writer of Hebrews says, in the 11th chapter of the letter, that God rewards those who earnestly seek Him?

Now... If you actually believe these things, do you actually live it out?

Is God really your first priority? Does God win out over your job? Your hobbies? Your family? Your own life?

You're the only person who can answer those questions, and God's the only other one who'll know if you're telling the truth.

If God IS your first priority, I don't doubt at all that you're seeing a lot of the same things I've been blessed enough to see over the past year. I don't doubt that you're seeing the fruits of the Spirit borne in your life. I don't doubt that you're overcoming evil with good. I don't doubt that you're finding yourself stronger and stronger in the face of temptation. I don't doubt that you're finding more and more each day that God is the only thing in your life that really fulfills you. I definitely don't doubt that you're overflowing with joy and can't keep from telling people just how amazing God is.

But if He's NOT... Let me encourage you - as someone who very, very, very recently did not have God anywhere near the center of his life - to seriously consider making 2011 the year that changes your life. Look for God. You will find Him. And when you do... words fail me for expressing the way the Glory of God will manifest itself in your life in a very real, very powerful, very holy way. I wish I could tell you in a way that you could truly understand. I wish I could just GIVE it to you, because it would change everything for you.

I just really wish you could see what I see, because I'm seeing exactly what I wanted to see, and it's better than I could have ever imagined.

As 2010 comes to a close, my prayer for myself is that I will not just hold firm to the faith that has completely redefined my very existence, but that I will continue to go deeper in that faith, deeper into the very heart of God, led by His Spirit, following His Son, and encouraging everyone I come in contact with to do the same. My prayer for you is similar: I pray that each day brings you closer and closer to His Will for your life than you were the day before.

I love you so much.

Happy New Year.

What I Want for Christmas

Please listen to this song.

"And how did little Tim behave?'' asked Mrs Cratchit, when she had rallied Bob on his credulity and Bob had hugged his daughter to his heart's content.

"As good as gold,'' said Bob, "and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.''

Bob's voice was tremulous when he told them this, and trembled more when he said that Tiny Tim was growing strong and hearty.

- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

I'll go ahead and admit that I can't read that without tears springing to my eyes. I can't talk about it without getting too choked up to speak. I seriously can't even hear that line in bold spoken by Kermit the Frog without openly crying. (By the way - The Muppet Christmas Carol happens to be my favorite film adaptation of the book, hands down.)

Listen to this song, too, please.

By far, my favorite ornament on my parents' Christmas tree is the one of the Baby in the manger with Santa Claus, hat in hand, kneeling by His side in humble worship. I kinda have a soft spot for Santa Claus in the first place (which I'm sure is an earth-shattering surprise for all of you - a big jolly fat guy like me with a penchant for cookies is a fan of Santa?), but once you get the two personifications of Christmas reunited in that kind of thing, cheesy as it may be to some, I just can't help but get all sniffly.

I suppose I should let you know that I seriously cry at the drop of a hat anytime between the day after Thanksgiving and Boxing Day. "Good King Wenceslas," "O, Holy Night," well-timed renditions of the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah... The tears, they flow.

It's Christmas. Listen to some music.

Last year, it seemed like everybody was upset about Christmas becoming too Christian, what with its roots in the pagan solstice celebrations. This year, however, I'm seeing the exact opposite - I'm seeing people pitching absolute fits about how Christmas isn't Christian enough. Things like "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" and "Keep Christ in Christmas" keep popping up, as bumper stickers (on cars that cut people off in traffic and park illegally in handicapped zones), as shirts and sweaters (on people whose mouths do not in any way match their wardrobe), and as bullet points in political commentary (from people who make their living by villainizing anyone who disagrees with them).

And you know what? I'm really 110% behind the idea of keeping Christmas Christian.

I'd just like to see more folks living up to the standard that they're holding the rest of the world to.

I don't mind people getting up in arms to remind people that Christmas has traditional ties to the birth of Jesus and that we should all live more Christ-like lives because of it - I just want to see those same people do the Christ-like living part, too.

If Christians got half as mad about their own unrighteousness as they do the world's unrighteousness, we'd all be a whole lot better off.

Especially at Christmas.

Just for the sake of argument, let's say that December 25th actually is the correct date for the birth of Christ, just to make the "Reason for the Season" arguments correct.

Now, if Christmas really is a big birthday party for Jesus, which present do you think He would prefer:

1. A crowd of people loudly telling everybody else that they're messing up His party, especially when everybody else already chose not to attend in the first place?
2. A group of people coming together to focus on Him, no matter what everybody else is doing, no matter what day of the year it is?

I'm not saying we can't remind folks that the reason we, as Christians, choose to celebrate Christmas is as a remembrance of the birth of Christ. That's fine.

I just would prefer to see us do it with our lives instead of rhyming slogans on hastily designed bumper stickers.

I want to be like Tiny Tim. If people see me and they remember the birth of the One who made the deaf hear, then I'm happy.

But more than that, I want people to see me and remember the death of the One who made me righteous.

I want people to see my life and remember the resurrection of the One who transformed me from wretched, broken, dying sinner to sanctified, restored, living child of God.

And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!

Do me a favor.

Pray that God's will be done in Madras, Oregon.

The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

- James 5:16

Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

- Luke 18:10-14

I don't care if you haven't been to church in years, I don't care if you're on the way out the door to church right now. If you care for me and if you believe even in the slightest that there's a God in Heaven, I want you to pray for me that His will be done in Madras, Oregon.

I love you all and I'll let you know what happens when I know what happens.

Is "Not Bad" Good Enough?

When I was five years old, my family lived in Jacksonville Beach, Florida. During that year, we made plenty of trips out to the beach - more than I can remember. One thing I can say I remember about our beach trips, however, was the sandcastle bucket.

It wasn't anything fancy - just a cheap little plastic pail with a handle and a shovel, and on the bottom of the bucket were little indentions that were meant to mimic the battlements of a castle tower.

There were two primary uses for the bucket when we went to the beach. I seem to remember that Lyn, who would have been two at the time, preferred to simply use the shovel (or her hands) to fill the bucket with sand. The purpose seemed to be to just have a bucket of sand. I'm not really sure. But whatever the purpose, the bucket's function was limited to one thing - keeping the sand in one place, not letting it get outside of a certain pre-defined set of bucket-shaped boundaries.

The other use, however, was to mash the bucket down on a big pile of sand, so that when you picked the bucket up, there now sat one of the many towers that would be added onto the glorious sand equivalent of Windsor Castle, with a construction vulnerable only to the erosive powers of the pounding surf or the boredom-borne destructive whims of a five-year-old boy and his two-year-old sister.

Can the bucket be used to just keep sand in one place? Sure.

But it's actually meant to be used to mold the sand into a desired shape. That's really the whole purpose of its specific design.

And in fact, the same thing is true for Christianity.

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

- Matthew 5:17-20

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

- Matthew 23:23-24

Matthew 23 is one of the most powerful chapters in all of the Gospels, because it is nothing but Jesus telling the most super-religious people of His day that they were completely missing the point. A life of holiness isn't just about avoiding sin - and this is what the Pharisees were so very about, adding their own layers to the Law in order to keep themselves miles away from the possibility of sin - but at its core, a life spent in pursuit of God's righteousness is actually about being good.

Just like the bucket could be used to simply keep the sand in one place, Christianity could be seen as a way to set up parameters that define our lives by what we are not allowed to do, where we are not allowed to go, and words we are not allowed to say. But - just like the bucket - that's not what it's actually designed to do.

"Not bad" isn't good enough. Living a life free from sin isn't good enough. We've got to go the extra step and be proactively good, pursuing righteousness above all else.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

- Luke 6:27-38

As Christians, we know that it is wrong to murder, steal, rape, lie or cheat. But doesn't the world know that, too? No civilization in the history of ever has said that it's just OK to wantonly kill anyone without reason. Murder is bad on a universal scale. So just avoiding murder isn't enough to make us different from the world, is it?

What about loving our enemies? Is that what makes us different from the world?

By and large, the world is satisfied with a definition of morality that says "Just leave me alone and don't get in my way." That's not good enough for a Christian. We are called to something higher - Love.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

- Matthew 22:24-40

Notice that nowhere in either of those two greatest commandments did Jesus mention not sinning. Why is that? Is it because avoiding sin isn't important?

Oh, heavens no.

Maybe it's just because if we're focused on actually living a life filled with righteousness, holiness, Love for God and Love for others, we're not really going to have a lot of room in our lives for sin.

Will we still occasionally mess up? Sure.

But isn't that the whole reason our sins were forgiven in the first place?

If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right.

- James 2:8

What else do we need? A life focused on avoiding sin is a life fearfully focused on rules. A life focused on Loving God and our neighbors is a life joyfully focused on God and His wonderful creation.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

- James 1:19-27

Keeping ourselves free from the pollution of the world is awesome. It's a big deal. It's very important.

But it isn't the end of the story.

Love for others - especially those who cannot provide for themselves - is the work of God in this world.

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

- James 2:14-26

It doesn't matter what you believe if you don't do anything about it. You can believe all you like that Jesus is the King of the Universe and that your sins are forgiven through His death and resurrection - but the demons of hell believe that, so who cares? The difference is entirely based on what you do with that belief.

You can believe that a traffic light is red all day long and it won't make any difference unless you actually stop.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

- James 4:17

There are plenty of verses in the Bible that I like to think of when I'm dealing with particularly difficult people because I know that God will deal with them far, far, far better than I ever could. This, however, is not one of those verses. This one, quite simply, scares me. This might be one of the most damning verses in the entire Bible.

It's not enough to just be "not bad" - we actually have to make it far enough up the ladder to be wholly in "good" territory. And if we're not being good... THAT'S BAD!

Spending our lives only avoiding sin is sin itself. If we are not focused on attaining righteousness, we are falling short of the name of Christian.

A (potential) Leap of Faith

So tomorrow morning I fly out to Oregon to meet the congregation at the Madras church of Christ.

I'm gonna be up there for 12 days - from the 2nd to the 14th - preaching on the two Sundays in between, as well as teaching the Wednesday night Bible class.

It's a small church (for now!), with an average of about 20 people showing up most Sundays from what I understand. That also seems to be a generous estimate. I'm not sure.

There's a lot of complicated history with the church that I'm not entirely sure I can follow just yet, and they haven't had a preacher for about three years, so maybe their standards have fallen low enough by this point that they're willing to give me a shot. That is in fact the entire purpose of this trip, as I'm sure you've guessed - I'm going up to see if I'm a good fit for this congregation and if they're a good fit for me.

I also just got off the phone with Sallie Mae.

I do not like that woman.

My loans are coming down on me in a way that I just can't do anything about. I have been looking - looking hard - for a job, but things just haven't been happening. And I haven't just been looking for church jobs, I've been looking for a regular job-job, too. Dollar General, Lowe's, Wal-Mart, Burger King, seven different gas stations, Harris Teeter, Whole Foods, Costco, Publix, McDonald's, floor refinishing, delivery jobs... no, no, no, no, no... all no. I have no money, I have no job, and I have a whole lot of debt that is very insistent on ignoring the fact that I have no money and have no job.

It's enough to get a guy kinda discouraged.

OK, fine... Really discouraged.

I'm at a crossroads of the principles of my faith and the principles of the world. On the right, I have God telling me that He has a plan for me, and that things will work out, one way or another, sooner or later. God tells me (and, coincidentally, you) over and over that it's not up to me how things work out (James 4:13-14, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Philippians 4:4-7, Proverbs 3:5, I Peter 5:6-7, Psalm 48:14), and beyond that, Jesus tells us in no uncertain terms that we're not supposed to worry about money or stress out about tomorrow, but instead to focus completely on God, trusting that He'll take care of us (Matthew 6:19-34).

And on the other hand there's a few voices in the world telling me to do nothing but completely freak the ever-loving electric cuss-words out about not being able to repay my loans. If I don't pay off my loans, then the rest of my life is completely sunk.

Money, it's a crime

Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie

Money, so they say,

Is the root of all evil today

But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're

giving none away...

- Pink Floyd

A lot of what I'm thinking about right now goes back to what I wrote in "The Safe Bet" a few weeks back. I made the point in that post that if we are going to claim to live as though God is real, then perhaps we ought to live our lives as though we actually believed it. God says He's going to take care of us, He tells us not to worry about money, He tells us to just trust Him, take care of each day as it comes, and live our lives as completely focused on serving Him as we can.

And the thing is... I know all of that...

But man, I don't mind telling you at all that I am still scared senseless.

The pressure from the loans is bad enough, believe me... But it's not like Oregon is just up the street from Tennessee. It's not like I've actually got a lot of experience at being a preacher. It's not like I don't have doubts eating away at me every second of the day, especially as that flight gets closer and closer with every hour.

But you wanna know something really crazy?

I had already made up my mind before we even left for church this past Sunday morning to go forward during the invitation and ask for the congregation's prayers about this whole Oregon trip deal. But when we got to church and the sermon was entirely drawn from Hebrews 11, the "faith chapter" of the Bible... Well... That was kind of exactly what I needed to hear.

Isn't the whole point of faith in the first place that we actually live it out?

Isn't the whole point of faith in Jesus that we face up to the challenges that are going to come our way?

Isn't the whole point of faith in God that we accept that things may not make a lot of sense by the world's standard, but knowing throughout it all God has a plan for us?

I have to admit that I don't know what that plan is. I don't know if it's Oregon. I really don't even know if it's a church job at all, at this point. Like I said - the doubts, they are a-plenty.

But through countless hours of prayer - and not just my own, but also those of the army of people whom God has led into my life who are all supporting me at every turn - and dedicating myself to studying the Bible as best as I know how, this is what I feel like God's asking me to do.

And it's big.

But hey... I serve a Lord who died for me.

I guess the least I can do is fly to Oregon.

I would really appreciate your prayers. Not only for me, but for the Madras church. One way or another, the next 12 days are going to change my life, and hopefully the lives of a few other people. In all things, however, I hope that my words and actions can lead others - and myself - closer and closer to the eternal presence of God.