Some things I wish I wasn't thinking

One of the greatest tragedies of having survived a life of sin (whatever the circumstances of that sin might have been) is that it seems like nobody listens.

And I know - thick as I am - that just because I've got some skeletons in my closet, that doesn't mean that I've got anybody else's struggles figured out.

But it does not take a man of great years or frightful experience to figure out that some things are just plain bad news.

You know who Bob Ross was, right? The painter? Used to have a show, The Joy of Painting, on PBS for a long time. Had the fro thing going.

Bob had a saying in his show... "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents." Lots of those happy accidents would turn into happy little trees or a happy little stream running down the side of the happy little mountain.

I wish Bob's philosophy applied to actual life.

I wish I could look back on all the things that I have majorly screwed up in my life and - through the consequences of some of those actions - in the lives of others and say they were just happy accidents.

But I'm not awake at 3:40 AM thinking about all the times I screwed up that turned out happy in the end.

There are some mistakes that I have made that have definitely impacted the man I am today, and in a way that I can only attribute to the grace of God, I can see where some good has come from those mistakes, because I've learned lessons along the way that have helped me avoid such mistakes again.

All the same, really wish I hadn't ever made those mistakes in the first place.

More than that, I wish I could tell some people some things. More accurately, I wish I could get them to listen.

I don't have it all figured out. I know that. Doesn't take divine inspiration to get that much nailed down.

But Lord God in Heaven do I pray that there was some way to show people the fire they are playing with.

So many people are convinced, beyond any shadow of doubt or any room for discussion, that they will be the ones to carry the rattlesnake down the mountain and not get bit.

The rattlesnake is no respecter of persons, my beloved.

I have scars that are opened up fresh every time I see my sins reflected in the lives of others. There are things that I wish I could take back, but even more than ever undoing them myself, I want to avoid seeing those mistakes made again by those I care about.

This is emotion, pure and unfiltered. I don't even know if I'm making sense, I just have to get it out.

I love you, no matter who you are or what you're doing. But if you're doing something stupid - and I really think that in the back of your head, way down in the guts and gizzards of who we all are, we know if we're doing something stupid - just know that I would love to see you not do that anymore. I ain't gonna love you any less if you don't.

It's just gonna hurt.

(Also, because I can't resist an even mildly appropriate song drop... The Faces - Ooh La La)

An open letter to my GLBTQ friends

Hey.

Umm... I'm sorry.

I think that's probably the best place to start.

I'm not trying to apologize on behalf of all Christians ever or anything like that, I'm just saying sorry from me.

I haven't always been the not-that-bad guy that I am, and in my younger, dumber days, I said some things that were probably very hurtful. And I kinda said those things a lot. Loudly. (That's really the only way I know how to say anything, sorry.)

Some of you reading this might not have heard me say anything hurtful, and that's awesome. Thank God. Hope I can keep it that way.

But as the years go by and Facebook continues to update me on the lives of people I haven't seen in at least a decade, I have found out that I have way more GLBTQ friends from way, way, way back in the day than I thought I did... and man, I was a dumb kid.

Also young adult. I was a dumb one of those as well.

I think it's a good thing that there wasn't ever any kind tie to my faith with whatever hurtful things I was saying... I was just a dumb jerk. I didn't tell gay jokes because I thought gay people were going to hell, I told gay jokes because I also still told jokes about midgets in Las Vegas brothels.

Dirty jokes were still funny. Gay jokes counted.

So I grew out of that. Thank God.

I do want to let you know that not all Christians are Westboro Baptist members. Some of us are trying to take Jesus very seriously on that whole "Love others" stuff He was always going on about.

Also, to any of my GLBTQ friends who are following after Christ with me... Hang in there. I love you. I feel a little weird around some groups of Christians because our interpretations of Genesis 1-11 differ. I cannot even begin to imagine what your experience must be. I hope we can one day share a communion of Love and Truth and rejoice in each other's company as children of God. I hope that in the meantime you're in a place where God's showing you things and surrounding you with His people.

There are other things that I want to say, but it really feels like I'm being told to shut up, so... I will.

Words

I don't know what to say anymore.

I feel like writing is the only thing* I'm very good at, and I also feel like I've completely forgotten how to do it.

I used to update this once a week, never missed a beat.

I used to write a humor column at least once every two weeks for my college newspaper.

I also used to pray daily.

I don't really do any of these things anymore.

It's so... humbling to remember that God isn't the one who left.

I'm facing some crossroads in my life, trying to find a new direction for Annie and I to go in. (This new direction will hopefully include gainful employment for me. Also, I got fired back in October.)

But the biggest thing I've got to do, no doubt, is regain my focus.

I have allowed the detritus of the world to distract me from the Glory.

Sooooooooooooooooo...  Gotta stop doin' that, I guess...

Pray for me.

* - Well, OK, the only thing that isn't, you know, totally useless. Somebody find me a job as a never-ending source for entirely useless trivia, and I'll be set for life.

On the Theological Import of Cheese

My wife and I were in Whole Foods not too long ago. As we wandered through the store, Annie went looking for some olive juice shampoo and pine sap conditioner, but I wound up lingering by the cheese.

I didn't mean to lose her. It just happened. The cheese guy was behind the counter, and I wanted to sample... everything. The smoked chipotle Gruyere looked amazing, and then there was the honey-infused farmer's cheese, and then the cranberry Wensleydale, and the horseradish cheddar, and the double Gloucester, and goodness... the cheese.

I turned to offer Annie a sample of whatever glorious fromage had just graced my mouth and was surprised to find that she was not there.

So did she leave me? Or did I just get left behind because I was distracted?

How often do I get distracted from God by cheese? (Very.)

As you might have deduced by the state of this blog, my spiritual life has been somehwat dry as of late. Is that God's fault? Did He stop loving me? Did He stop blessing me with each and every step I take? Did He decide He no longer has a direct interest in my life?

Or did I just get distracted by the cheese?

Things get hard in life sometimes. Annie and I don't know where we're going to be living come next month. Shouldn't I still be focused on God?

I have fallen farther behind in my spiritual walk than I am really comfortable admitting to myself. But it's entirely because I got distracted by the cheese.

I got (get) so worked up about the things in the world that I can't even do anything about and it distracts me. I lose my focus on God and put it on frivolities.

I don't want to do that anymore. I had a thriving, brilliant relationship with God not so very long ago... and I've let the mundane fluff of the world pull me away from that. And my goodness, there's just so much of it.

Annie and I could use some prayers. This coming month will be hard for us. But the biggest thing I'd like to ask you to pray for is that I find my focus again. That I can remember where God is and stop being distracted. I've forgotten so many things that I held close and fast in my mind and heart. I just am not where I used to be, and it's because I got distracted.

So... there's that.

A short letter to some folks who ought to know better

Dear every Christian in every pointless argument with any other Christian about Christianity ever:

John 5:39-40.

Look it up.

Yeah. Lookin' at you there, chief.

While we're at it, Titus 3:9.

So knock it off, OK?

You're a Christian, that other person is a Christian, I'm a Christian, we're all Christians...

...so maybe we don't have to fight tooth and nail over translations of the Bible.

Or instruments.

Or the exact point in your acceptance of Jesus Christ at which you will be allowed into heaven if you die before (finishing the prayer/baptism/first communion/first time you mess up passing out communion).

I'm not saying that there aren't issues of doctrine that are worth correcting, because there are. You can't, for instance, sacrifice your children to Molech as a Christian. Yes, I know, it's an OT law, but still, it's not a good thing to do once you're trying to follow Jesus.

You know what is a good Jesus-following thing to do? Not being a nitpicky twerp. That is a very Jesus-like characteristic that it would really behoove a lot of us to develop.

Let's try to maybe focus on the big picture for a minute, OK?

Despite whatever differences of belief may exist between you and your brother from the congregation across the street, they're minute. I promise you, they are teeny tiny. Especially when compared with the differences  between your beliefs and the beliefs of everyone else in the overwhelmingly vast majority of the world who isn't a Christian at all.

If we can't even talk amongst ourselves civilly, how are we ever going to bring those lost in the world in to the Kingdom?

I have never understood how people can argue so much about what the Bible says while completely ignoring what the Bible means.

Forest for the trees, man.  Forest for the ding-danged ol' TREES.

Look, I just... I saw some things, I had concerns... I promise, I still Matthew 22:34-40 you, but you just gotta stop being such a Numbers 22:21-41.

Some things I'd like to see.

More of this:

Christians Protect Protesting Muslims from Pro-Mubarak Thugs

Less of this:

ABC News segment about the Christians protesting the new mosque in Murfreesboro.  Way to represent the home state faith in front of the national media, y'all.  Keep makin' us look terrible.

Also...

More of this:

Christian group says "I'm Sorry" at Gay Pride parade in Chicago

Less of this:

You know these people. I don't need to tell you any more.  If that picture doesn't make you mad, you're not paying attention.

I cannot help but think that our evangelistic efforts would be vastly served if Christians at large actually began to live anything like Jesus, the Christ of whom we are -ians, suggested.

Notice that tag at the bottom of that.  This is from an atheist site.

Gang, I've got some pretty bad news - THE ATHEISTS UNDERSTAND JESUS BETTER THAN OUR TEAM DOES, AND WE'RE THE ONES WHO THINK HE WAS ACTUALLY REAL.

Don't ever, ever, ever forget that the single reason people aren't in church is people who are in church.

Don't be the reason people avoid church. Don't be the reason people don't understand Jesus. Show Love. Show the Love that means that you'll willingly die for someone you will never know in this present reality.

Let's all try to Love other people despite their beliefs that we don't share, especially since we're accepted members of communities of people who care for us and love us because we only believe the same things they do.

Let's all try to Love other people despite their lifestyles of sin, especially since we've all managed to completely eliminate all sins of omission, sins of commission, ignorant sins, known sins, habitual sins, and I-swear-it-was-just-this-one-time-please-don't-arrest-me sins.

I have kinda forgotten how to do this writing thing.

Just a quick update, prayer requests, and food for thought...

Hi!  Been a while.  Sorry.

I have a journal (still blank) that I got for Christmas a few years back.  The cover of it reads something like, "Don't write because you want to say something; write because you have something to say."

I haven't really had anything to say since January.

I've got a lot of things to say now, but it's taking me a while to get it out.  Rest assured, it's coming.  (Like there are ANY of you left reading this!)

The last time I posted, things were rough.

Things are now WAY better.  Thank you for your prayers, love, and goodness.

Big big big big big big thing in my life right now: Annie and I are applying for a CARES Team Apartment Life ministry.  The way we see it, this would be the perfect launching pad for everything we already want to do in our marriage, and a natural extension of everything I have been doing since I moved to Texas.  I have made my life here about reaching out to those who have not been reached.  Some have not even been reached out to in the first place.  I wanna go get 'em.  And with God's help, I have and will continue to do so.

So pray for that, if you would please!

I do have a job now.  It is very boring.  If I were to write about it, it would bore you.  So just know that I have a job, and that it is good enough for now, because it is better than nothing at all.  It could be better.  But it isn't worse.  So that's great.

Amberland is coming up in a hair over a month.  That's kind of a big deal.  Wedding is also coming up.  Kind of a bigger deal.

I asked for help with this back before the New Year because I needed help, and I got help, so I'm asking again because I could use some help.  Amberland is all the way in Georgia, which is quite a stretch from Texas, and gasoline is hovering just under $4.00.  We could use some gas money.

Last year, Corwin and my sister came with me (along with a whole other mess of people) for their first time.  They'll be back with me this year, along with Annie for her first year.  This is my third.  I've served communion two years in a row now, and I plan to keep it going.  Last year, Corwin and Lyn helped me reach out to more people than I could on my own by speaking to them in Truth and showering them in Love.  Annie's along to help us do more.  She already met a chunk of people at the New Year's Eve run, and planted seeds along the way.

I performed a wedding last year.  I can't even begin to tell you the number of people who wanted to talk to "the preacher" after that.  And not just for the rest of that weekend, but even months afterward.  In October, I met a guy at a show in Austin who wasn't even at Amberland last year but had heard about the wedding and wanted to talk to "the preacher."  At the New Year's shows, there were dozens of people who remembered "the preacher."

The groundwork is done.  The foundation is laid.  The seeds are planted.  Things are starting to grow.

I want to be able to keep working.  If you can help me out with gas, please, hit up the PayPal donation thing.  To your right.  Yellow button.  Says "HELP A BROKE DUDE" right above it.

Corwin, Annie and I are all volunteering this year, so we get into the festival for free.  We can eat cheap.  All we need is the gas to get there.  If you can help, please, please, please do.  This is my field.  These are my people.  God has called me to go to them, and go to them I must.  I trust Him to provide.  I just want to make sure I offer you an opportunity to help Him out.

So also pray for Amberland, if you would!

And now I just want to ask a few questions, and I really hope you'll bless me with a response.

When has there been a time in your life that God drastically changed you for the better?  What happened?  Did it hurt?

Just so you know...

Things are hard right now.

I'm in bad need of a job.  I have been in need of a job since moving to Texas in April, and so far, every application's response has been a deafening roar of silence.

I did have a job, briefly, in August.  Over the course of 3 days, I made $52.00...

Problem is I had to spend $60 to make it.  So with 3 days worth of work, I made -$8.

Awesome.

God is good... but it kinda feels like not much else is right now.

I'm incredibly thankful for the blessings I have in my life, chief among them being my wonderful fiancee.  I'm so grateful to have found a woman who is willing to put up with me for the rest of my life.

I'm tired of being a burden.  I'd really like to be able to actually support myself... and, you know...  my future wife.

Things are hard.  I could really use some prayers.  And, if you got it, a hook up on a job that will actually hire me in the mid-cities D/FW area.

I really just don't have a lot to say right now.  I'm sure I'll be back writing soon.  Winter is always hard on me.  This one has proven to be no exception.

Something's gotta give, right?

Just hope it ain't me.