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I'm sorry.

That's all I've got.

I've apologized to God, and now I'm apologizing to you. If you think for a second that this could possibly be directed towards you, it is. If I have in any way wronged you - to your knowledge, to your face, or to your liking or not - I really am sorry.

I've turned off comments on this post because I want you to know that anything you have to say will be between me and you, so please, get in touch. If you're reading this... Yes, it really is you I'm talking to.

I have recognized a few things about myself that I don't like. Trying to fix them.

I'll be back next week with the stuff I said I was gonna have this week last week.

And I love every one of you.

Non-Emo Addendum: Friday, July 2, 2010, 2:33 PM

So... Repentance. Obviously something I've been dealing with this week...

It's pretty amazing how God works in me sometimes. I'm sure it's amazing how He works in you as well, but I can't see that the way I can see this.

I made a few "small" mistakes a short while ago... I thought they were harmless, just natural extensions of the unique experience that is Aaron J. Rushton. Turns out the "small" mistakes were actually "outrageously huge" offenses! Well... Awesome.

I am a pretty good guy... at least 80-85% of the time. Maybe all the way up to 90%. On a good day.

But that 10-20% margin of error still really gets me in trouble sometimes. I feel like a prisoner to my temptations. It's like I'm defined by this one thing I can't get my mind off of. And it feels like this ONE thing... this one struggle, this one temptation... is robbing me of ALL of my righteousness. I am so caught up in this ONE sin that I can't do a single good thing, one righteous thing, to balance it out, to cancel it, to redeem myself... Nothing.

I am a creature of sin, tied like Prometheus to the rock of my passions, torn apart every day by the unending assault of Satan's winged messengers, with their razor-sharp talons and beaks like meat cleavers.

Don't read too much into that.

But what's amazing about this whole thing isn't that I was convicted of my sin and decided to repent after I'd been confronted with what I'd done. When I was confronted with what I'd done, I issued a half-hearted apology and chalked it up to, "Hey, you can't please everybody."

And that was really bad.

God definitely has a sense of drama. He knows how to weave plotlines together like none other. Even the Coen Brothers aren't this good. As I continued to ignore my guilt, God let me take a look into the horrifying consequences of the same sin I was dealing with and how it has affected other people's lives, running unchecked. My "small" mistake was a step on that road, and I realized that I was much farther down that road than I wanted to be.

I know that I have been created by God with certain desires, but if I'm letting those desires make my decisions for me instead of aiming for the purposes God had in mind when He created those desires... well, then I'm just in a bad place, a slave to my own weakness. Again... a prisoner.

But this is not where the story ends. This is where things actually start to get really interesting.

In repentance, in true, genuine, heartfelt contrition, there is an unbelievable release. I kinda think God's got something to do with that one, too.

Through repentance, we open ourselves up so God can free us from our own prison. In sincere penitence, we lay down enough of our pride, enough of our self-reality, to accept a bit more of the only True thing in this existence. Jesus wasn't joking when He said "...the Truth will set you free." (John 8:32)

I messed up. Really bad. I hurt several people that I genuinely care about, and others... well, they might not know I did anything wrong to them, but I did it just the same.

I'm still really sorry. I'm still addressing this to every single one of you. And I still love you all.

Good for Goodness's Sake (a prologue)

So last week, I asked a question that I sincerely believe deserves an answer.

Everything God does is right, right? Maybe not pleasant, but it's RIGHT.

If that's correct, why is what God does right? Is it because everything God does is right because God did it, and therefore it is right, or is it because God did it and God only does things that are right?

And if what God does is right because He's God, what impact does that have on our morality? And if what God does is right because God only does right, what then? What does that say about who we are meant to be?

I feel a little silly about quoting myself, but it bears some reflection, I think, because if we are meant to pursue a lifestyle that reflects the very nature of God, then it really helps to understand the nature of God as much as we possibly can. This is very similar to a Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks understanding the full history and total sociological impact of the industrialized coffee trade, but still, it helps us to understand where we're coming from as well as where we're going in order to make the journey as smooth as possible.

So let's lay this out.

Here's what I personally believe. If you disagree, hey, that's fine, but here's what I believe.

Everything God does is good - not in the sense that every thing that God does makes us all happy, but that each act God carries out moves the universe one step closer to a complete understanding and realization of His Will. So "good" might not be as good of a word as "right."

So... everything God does is right. Everything God does is correct.

But why?

Is everything that God does correct and good and right because God did it, and no matter what God does, the fact that God did it makes it right?

Or is it all good because good is the only thing God does?

Is goodness dependent upon the will of God for its definition, or is goodness itself a part of the nature of God?

I personally believe that we have been given a fairly clear picture in Scripture that God does what is right because what is right is what God does. God, in His very nature, cannot do or be wrong, because God Himself is the definition of all that is right and good. Everything that is - all of "is," as well as "was" and "to be" - exists because of God. God's creation was pronounced Good. Everything since then has been mankind getting in the way.

So in trying to reconcile ourselves to that original goodness - trying to be holy as God is holy (I Peter 1:16, quoting Leviticus 11:44 among others) - we have to be able to understand what that goodness looks like. Is it a static, unmoving, consistent "THIS IS WHAT IS GOOD"? Or is it fluid, tied only to whatever God felt like doing?

From what I understand, the two schools of thought I'm addressing here are called Platonism and Ockhamism. Again, I will readily confess that I may not be fully understanding what I'm talking about here, but from the reading I've done, I've come to understand that Ockhamism is the belief that whatever God does is right because God does it, while Platonism says that God does what is right because that's what God does, in accordance to His Nature.

And it is from that understanding that I can say that I fall firmly in the Platonism camp. What God does is right because God only does what is right. It is who He is. Everything that God does is right because He is the standard and definition of right. What is right does not change because God does not change.

I believe Job backs me up on this (chapters 38-42), as well as verses 5-10 of Isaiah 45:

I am the LORD, and there is no other;

apart from me there is no God.

I will strengthen you,

though you have not acknowledged me,

so that from the rising of the sun

to the place of its setting

men may know there is none besides me.

I am the LORD, and there is no other.

I form the light and create darkness,

I bring prosperity and create disaster;

I, the LORD, do all these things.

"You heavens above, rain down righteousness;

let the clouds shower it down.

Let the earth open wide,

let salvation spring up,

let righteousness grow with it;

I, the LORD, have created it.

"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker,

to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground.

Does the clay say to the potter,

'What are you making?'

Does your work say,

'He has no hands'?

Woe to him who says to his father,

'What have you begotten?'

or to his mother,

'What have you brought to birth?'

We are not in a position to question the rightness of God - He is, after all, God - but we can understand what that rightness is by knowing that God Himself is the standard of rightness, and He will not break from His own standard.

So where does that leave us?

Our mission in life is to Love God and Love our neighbor. In showing our neighbors God's Love, we are told to bring them all into His flock, into His church, into His presence.

I want to know how to better do that.

And I think that there are certain rules of engagement that have to be understood before we can really cover a lot of ground towards what really matters. If you're trying to bring someone to Christianity who doesn't accept the existence of God, quoting the Bible is not going to be a very effective way to engage them in the conversation. If someone doesn't believe in God, why would that person believe in what the Bible says about God?

If we are going to get anywhere, we've got to understand that it is possible to have a conversation about God - even about our own personal Father Yahweh God - outside of the Bible. It is possible to discuss Truth without Scripture, because Truth is not defined by Scripture. Rather Scripture, in its nature, is True, just as God, in His Nature, is right.

Consider this: if there were no laws on the book against theft, would you just steal whatever you wanted? You, personally, as a Christian... Would you just take things that didn't belong to you?

Of course not. You know it's wrong. It's not just wrong because God said it's wrong in the 10 commandments, it's wrong because it violates someone else's property, it takes away from their work, it hurts them... And that's not Love. As a Christian, you know that your singular mission in life is to Love others. Stealing isn't Love. Stealing is inherently wrong, whether there's a law down against it or not.

And that leads me to some places that I'm gonna need a few posts to discuss. I'm going to write about morality, about perception of morality, about Love, about lust, about good, about evil... It's gonna be a trek. I hope you'll come back for it and take part in this discussion with me, because it's an important one to have, I think.

I also hope I have a single clue as to what I'm really talking about.

Knowing My Father

My Dad's favorite band is Led Zeppelin.

His favorite movie is the one with cowboys in it. Just about doesn't matter which one.

A day spent with a motorcycle is better than most days not spent with a motorcycle.

He likes his cheddar cheese exceptionally sharp.

It should come as no surprise to you, then, that I am also a quite public fan of Led Zeppelin, a whole lot of cowboy movies, Harley-Davidson shirts, and Black Diamond Special Reserve Extra Sharp Cheddar (aged 18 months).

Especially the Led Zeppelin and the cheese.

Is it just because I was brought up around those things? I've got vivid memories of listening to Led Zeppelin II at something like 8 years old. I could barely comprehend what was happening to my ears most of the time, but I know I liked it. Cheese... Well... It's cheese, and cheese is awesome.

I think I've listened to enough Led Zeppelin (and eaten enough cheese) on my own to know that I really, really like Led Zeppelin independently of any childhood memories. (And yes, of course, the cheese.) But there's no denying that I was brought up in an environment that probably prepared me for that outlook. Not like I'm complaining.

Especially not since the same father who brought me up to know and love "Ramble On" also brought me up to know and love my Father.

I was definitely placed on the path that led me to where I am today by my dad. I have been given an example of what it looks like to be a man who is dedicated to following and understanding God.

I think those two parts - following and understanding - are important to have together. It is possible on some level to follow God without understanding Him, just as it is possible on some level to understand God without following Him. But the fullness of each is brought in by the other. If you are dedicated to following God, you will find that it is easier to do once you understand more about God, and every time you understand something else about God, you see new ways in which you can follow His paths.

So I want to understand my Father in the ways I understand my dad. I understand why my dad likes Led Zeppelin. They're good. I understand why my dad likes extra sharp cheddar. It is delicious.

I also understand why he showed me, at age 3, my cat Oatmeal, laying in the middle of a highway in Judsonia. It taught me to stay out of the road.

I have such a pathological fear about getting my eyes poked out that I can't wear contacts (also, they are itchy), but at least I've still got both of my eyes. After all, "THEY DON'T GROW BACK." Thanks, dad.

I understand where my dad's coming from, so I can understand what He taught me, and that means I can better live it out. Not only can I live it out, I can pass it on to my own children.

I want to understand where God's coming from. I want to understand how God works so I can better understand how He wants me to work.

Everything God does is right, right? Maybe not pleasant, but it's RIGHT.

If that's correct, why is what God does right? Is it because everything God does is right because God did it, and therefore it is right, or is it because God did it and God only does things that are right?

And if what God does is right because He's God, what impact does that have on our morality? And if what God does is right because God only does right, what then? What does that say about who we are meant to be?

Is there room for moral relativism in the pursuit of an Absolute Truth?

Are all sins the same? Is one sin worse than another? Is there such a thing as an unforgivable sin?

Just what does a mustard seed worth of faith actually look like?

I'm incredibly lucky to have the father I have. Because of the family I was raised in, I have learned that I honor my father by honoring my Father. I hope to one day be able to pass on the things I've learned to my children, setting an example for them in my faith the same way that my dad set an example for me in his faith. Not that their faith would be mine, just as my dad doesn't want my faith to be his, but that they can see a man - just as I did and do - who is dedicated on living a life of righteousness and passing it on to his children.

Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old, he will not turn from it.

- Proverbs 22:6

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

- Ephesians 6:4

In the days of my youth, I was told what it means to be a man.
Now I've reached that age and try to do all those things the best I can.

- Led Zeppelin, "Good Times, Bad Times," from Led Zeppelin (1969)

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you.

"Big Sky"

I want you to see it.

On August 15, 2009 (the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, by the way), I was out in Ozark, Arkansas, up on Mulberry Mountain with two friends at the Harvest Music Festival, enjoying the wonderful - absolutely gorgeous - sounds of The Ozark Mountain Daredevils after seeing a sunset that I am not ashamed to say evoked tears.

As the envelope of dusk surrounded the horizons and the stars began to multiply in the darkness, I leaned back and gazed upward into the vastness of the universe, and Heaven gazed back. The stars were in rare brilliant form that night. The sky was perfectly clear; not a whiff of a cloud remained from that unbelievably gorgeous sunset. (After all, what is a sunset without the right clouds?) And even though the lights from the stage and the parking area were still nearby, we were seated in just the right spot so none of those lights got directly into our eyes. The other light pollution - that awful orange glow from the cities - was barely perceptible, we were so far out in the remote stretches of the mountains.

As the night went on, the Ozark Mountain Daredevils left the stage, and we were now all just enjoying the breeze of the evening, sharing a lazy conversation between close friends, staring into the glory of the night, waiting for Umphrey's McGee to play.

(That last part about Umphrey's McGee has no bearing on the story other than me bragging to the three of you who read this and care about Umphrey's McGee.)

As I stared - slack-jawed with the same awe and wonder I felt stargazing with my Wolf Scout Den in my backyard at seven years old - I couldn't help but take in the dazzling brilliance of the constellations. It was no mystery to me in that moment how the ancients were able to pick out so many of those shapes - how could they be avoided? I was seeing constellations I couldn't even name, but I knew their shapes. The shapes just popped out! They were inevitable! It was incredible, but it was exhausting. I jumped from constellation to constellation with this palpable excitement, so taken in with all the details in each one that I couldn't just pick one and stay with it. I had to keep looking at the next one.

And that's when Ben suddenly jumped in his seat and shouted out to me, "AARON! AARON! DID YOU SEE IT?"

I sat in stunned silence for a second. Ben might be an excitable guy, but that much of a reaction means I just missed the Millenium Falcon flying by or something equally impressive.

"Uhh... no...? Don't think I did, dude... What was it?"

"THE SKY! IT BECAME ONE! JUST... ONE! BIG! IT'S SO BIG!"

"What?" The sky is one? Of course it is. Did you think there were three skies? And yeah, it's big. It's space. Space is big. "What are you talking about, man?"

"...oh. Well... Nevermind. You'll... ugh. Just... Nevermind." I could tell Ben was disappointed. Whatever it was he had seen, it was impressive, but it wasn't something he could properly describe, apparently.

"OK..."

So I went back to staring at the sky, still jumping from constellation to constellation. I finally got to a point where I was starting to appreciate the stars between the constellations. The nameless twinkling dots and sparkling spots waaaaaay off in the distance, the ones I could only see on nights like this, they were the ones that held my attention for a while. And then I noticed something shifting.

At first it was subtle. If you've done much stargazing, you've either heard or figured out the trick about getting a good long look at faint stars with the naked eye. You can't look directly at them, that's the thing. You've got to look just off of it. You'll actually see it better if it isn't your main focus.

Well, if you're sitting in a field on top of a mountain in Northwest Arkansas on a crystal clear night without any lights in the sky other than the ones God put there, it doesn't matter where you look, you're gonna be not-directly-looking at a WHOLE LOT of stars.

So your vision spreads out a little.

And as you slowly scan your way across the sky, absorbing more and more of the billions and billions and billions of stars in front of you, your vision continues to widen and broaden and spread.

And then, in one sudden, jarring twinkling of an eye, everything falls into place. From horizon to horizon in any and all directions, you just see it. It's all there. The whole sky, all at once. The sky becomes one vast expanse filling your entire field of vision. And it is just.

So.

Very.

Big.

"WHOA! BEN! BEN! I SAW IT! DUDE! WOW! THAT'S AWESOME! IT'S HUGE!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!?"

"WOW! IT'S SO AWESOME!"

I know that, right now - unless you've had a "big sky" of your own - you're thinking like I was: "Well, yeah, of course the sky's big. It's the sky. It's space. Space is big. Duh." But I promise you, unless you've seen what I'm talking about, you have no idea what I'm talking about.

It is so unbelievably BIG.

It's so big - so very, very, very big - that even though I was sitting down when it hit me, I still lost my sense of balance and nearly fell out of the chair. Once I saw it, it was inescapable. Everywhere I looked - unless I was looking straight down at the ground - I was just aware of the hugeness of the sky over me. Even if there was just a corner of the sky with one or two stars twinkling in the peripheral of one eye, it was still incomprehensibly huge. So big. So, so, so big.

And the really fun part is that it hasn't left me yet. Nearly a year out now, and still every time I go outside, day or night, clear or cloudy, city or country, it doesn't matter - I look up, and I see the enormity of it all. I look up and I still am aware of how insignificant I am on a cosmic scale. I'm 6'3", and have been known to tip the scales at 400+ pounds. I am a big guy. I am not accustomed to feeling small. But when I realized the enormity of the cosmos in one fell swoop... Oh, I was so small. I was a mote of dust. No, no, scratch that... I wasn't even a mote of dust. I was one of the gluons that holds together the quarks that make up the protons that make up the atoms that make up the elements that make up the compounds that make up the molecules that make up that mote of dust. I was so aware of my infinitesimal insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe...

And it was glorious.

Ever since that night, whenever Ben and I wind up out with the guys under a big open stretch of the heavens, we try to help them see it. We try to get them to see "big sky." We try to show them what we saw.

I want you to see it.

I've been on a really interesting journey into new depths with my faith over the past two years and some change. I've been in completely unfamiliar territory at times, and I'm still breaking new ground every day. I'm still experiencing new things that make me think about God in a different way, and I experience those things all the time. It's been an exponential amount of growth, especially since mid-November. Things have just REALLY been flying. It's been really intense at times, but through it all, God has just shown me more and more and more and more of His Power and His Glory. It's been a trip.

And it's still going.

I don't want to sound arrogant here. I don't want it to sound like I've got some big direct line into God that others don't, so therefore I'm better than anyone else. Believe me, I'm not. I don't have anything anyone else can't have. I don't know anything anyone else can't know. I don't see anything anyone else can't see.

But there are people out there who don't see it. There are people out there - I talk to them every day - who don't see how God is not just a part of your life, He IS Life.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, because it's an important point: a relationship with God - true Christianity - is not something you do, it's what you are. It redefines you.

It is possible to go through life making time for God in between everything else, and that will bring moments of true connection, but they'll be moments. They'll be fleeting. It will be a mountaintop experience filled with long-dormant emotions, churning a stagnant spirit into a frothing, raging, active pool of activity, but it will die down again, leading to a tranquil calm that gives way to the same stagnancy without ever doing anything but stirring things around.

But what if people really made God the first priority, instead of squeezing Him in where they could?

And I don't mean setting aside the first part of the day for a devotional thought and prayer - although that is a wonderful tool which definitely makes an impact on the day - but instead making God the first thought in every moment, the subject at the forefront of the mind at all times, the never-wavering, never-changing, always-present, always-steady fixed object that we have our sights completely set on, the target we are irresistibly drawn to...

What if God was the only thing that mattered?

If you were completely focused on God, how do you think you'd act around other people?

How would you treat your family? Your significant other? Your kids? Your parents? Your co-workers? Your superiors? Your subordinates? Your insubordinates?

How would you treat yourself?

How would you treat God?

How do you think God would treat you?

I've gotta tell you - I don't know where you are. I wish I did. Because if you're farther along than me, I want to know how God got you there. But if you've not made it to where I am yet, I really want to help you get closer, because trust me, it's amazing out here.

I really want you to know God. I don't want you to know Him the way I know Him - that's between me and Him. I want you to know Him the way He wants you to know Him. I want you to know Him intimately. I want you to know Him genuinely. I want you to know Him first.

I want you to be in Nature and see His design in such a way that you cannot help but be amazed with every single thing laid out before you.

I want you to be in church and know His people in such a way that you cannot help but be moved with joy and compassion for every single one of them, anxious to show them the same Love that God showed you, because you know that He loves them, too.

I want you to be in silence and hear His voice in such a way that you cannot help but understand that He has a plan for you, every single day, and that you can know that plan and follow that plan and feel the indescribable thrill that comes through seeing the power of God manifest itself in your life in ways that you know - that you know, beyond any shadow of a doubt - can only be a direct result of the work of God.

I want you to be there because I want you to feel what I'm feeling. I want you to know what I know. I want you to see what I see.

I want you to see it.

Some of you already do. And that's amazing. I love it. And you know when somebody's seeing the same thing as you. When it becomes the only thing you're really looking at, it becomes unmistakable when you meet someone else who gets it, someone else who is completely locked in on the same thing. There is a unity in the Spirit that is positively electric and impossible to miss.

I want you to see it.

There's a calm that comes with it. There's a sense of complete serenity in knowing - really, entirely, personally knowing - that your sins are all forgiven and all removed and all forgotten. There's a joy in knowing that you've got a direction in life that will make an impact on an eternal scale. There's a passion in knowing that God has a direct connection, a deep commitment, a holy investment in what YOU do, in where YOU go, in what YOU say, in who YOU are.

I want you to see it.

There's an understanding that comes to you in the Bible when you have God at the absolute center of your life, providing the Director's Commentary with everything you read. There's a sense of connection between everything you do, because all that is in your life is part of one grand symphony of praise, an orchestrated movement of hundreds of different parts to create one sweeping work, with ups and downs, highs and lows, forte and piano, lights and darks...

I want you to see it.

I want you to know what life is like when you finally take that step into the mystic with God. I want you to feel the exhilaration of giving up all control - ALL of it! - into God's hands and seeing where He leads you. I want you to feel the freedom that comes with fully immersing yourself into God's Spirit and living completely, completely, completely in line with His Will for you.

I want you to see it.

I want you to know what it's like to have a relationship with God that doesn't require anyone but you and God. I also want you to know what it's like to have a relationship with God that won't let you keep it just between you and God. I want you to know what it's like to talk to God like you're talking to your best friend, but I want you to know what it's like to talk to a complete stranger about God because you can't help but talk about Him.

I want you to see it.

Let us acknowledge the LORD;

let us press on to acknowledge Him.

As surely as the sun rises,

He will appear;

He will come to us like the winter rains,

like the spring rains that water the earth.

- Hosea 6:3

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing."

- Psalm 16:2

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

- Deuteronomy 6:4-5

I want you to see it.

I really, really want you to see it.

I want you to see Him.

Communion at Amberland

So I went to Amberland this past weekend.

If you're not familiar with Amberland - and I would imagine that's the case for almost all of you - it's a 3-day concert festival put on by one of my absolute favorite bands, Perpetual Groove. I ain't sayin' it'd be everybody's little slice of Heaven, but rest assured that I had an amazing time.

This was my first time at Amberland, which has been going on for eleven years now. There's a very familial atmosphere there. There are people who have been along for the ride since the beginning. I only heard of Perpetual Groove for the first time two years ago, when Ben and I went to Mulberry Mountain Harvest Music Festival. In that time, I've seen 6 PGroove shows... and then there was Amberland.

Mulberry Mountain is a lot of fun, because you can experience all these new bands - a new band just about every hour, if you're up for a lot of walking around - as well as a lot of bands you might already be familiar with. But there's no real focus for the weekend. There's just a kind of frenetic blur between sets and sounds.

But Amberland... That's a whole different thing. That's three days - three solid days - of just one band. And it was incredible. Absolutely incredible. They let everything out! The whole band just opened up with everything in them and poured it all out on the stage. I've seen some pretty impressive Perpetual Groove shows, but NOTHING was like Amberland. Saturday alone would have been worthwhile, but the whole weekend was just jaw-droppingly good. I promise there is somebody somewhere who's got some pictures of me with my chin resting on my chest in a stupor of absolute awe at everything that was happening to my ears.

SO good.

And here I was, jumping into this thing, this new experience, this new place full of people who already know each other, and I'm just trying to enjoy it the best way I know how. I'm wading out into this environment that is pretty far from the straight-laced life I normally live (well, OK, somewhat straight-laced life), full of hippies and tie-dye and funny smelling cigarettes...

And that was where I wanted to serve communion.

Mom baked up the bread for me, and I brought along some grape juice. I set it up on the edge of a table in our campsite and wrote out a note telling people to serve themselves, along with a little thought to hopefully direct them towards God. As the day went on, people trickled through. Some stopped to read and then walked on with a puzzled look on their faces. Some stopped and made conversation without partaking in anything. Some stopped and shared in the remembrance of Jesus Christ on their own. Some - a select few whom I felt the Spirit calling me to talk to - stopped and talked and then we took communion together.

The whole point I was trying to make with my little note to everyone is that the miracle of communion is in the togetherness of it. Just like we had all experienced the amazing show on Saturday together and we could all say "Oh, man, wasn't 'At the Screen' just epic? What about 'Playground'?" to each other and all know that we'd all heard the same thing, and that we'd all been taken to these amazing heights, riding on the waves of this incredible outpouring of music from a band that everybody there had decided was worth the trip, worth the money, worth the time to see... Just like we were ALL a part of Perpetual Groove at Amberland, so everyone who shared in the bread and the cup with me at that sloppy campsite on that beat up old table in the middle of a farm in La Fayette, Georgia, was a part of something bigger than any of us.

The communion - the Lord's Supper - that we shared that morning was the same communion shared by my parents and sister at West End church of Christ that morning. It was the same communion shared by the Christians in Brazil, China, Rwanda, England, Texas, and the rest of the world over. Even if it didn't happen at the same time, it all happened in one spirit. We were all connected - all of us, everywhere - by one single focus, one single goal, one single aim of remembering the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the sacrifice that brings us all together, no matter where we were, no matter when it was, no matter what we were doing, no matter what kind of music we listen to...

It was enough to bring me (and a few others with me) to tears, and it was an experience that I don't see myself forgetting anytime soon. It made an impact that I hope I can carry with me for the rest of my life.

I thank God for filling me with the strength to put my faith out in public like that, in a place where faith is not at all everybody's primary focus. It meant a lot for me to see the people who were surprised - pleasantly surprised - to find that there was somebody around who was still focused enough on God to provide an opportunity for others to share in the movement towards holiness, even in a weekend completely cut off from reality.

It was big. It made me cry. I met people who I immediately knew I loved, not because of who they are - even though they are all wonderful people - but because I knew that they were another of God's children, and that my God has transformed my spirit into one of Love for all. I may not yet be perfect at it, but I'm a lot better than I was, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

I serve an AWESOME God.

If you are interested in hearing some of what I heard that weekend at Amberland (and most of you will not be), you may go here. It's some 7 and 1/2 hours of music, and that might be intimidating, but really, there is no bad place to start.