Wisdom Hurts

So I realized why God is keeping me single for now, and it isn't exactly thrilling.

I really want to be a husband. I really want to be a father. I want a family. Bad.

But I also want to be a GOOD husband and a GOOD father. I've been convinced for quite some time now that I'm ready for both of those things, yet I have remained single, despite my very best efforts to change that.

And I finally figured out what the hold up is. God is trying to keep me single in order to keep me from cheating on my wife.

I'm not at all comfortable with saying this openly, but I've been trying all day to come up with literally anything else to talk about, and that's not happening, so I guess I gotta lay this out. I'm something of a womanizer. And that's bad.

I'm not at all proud of it. I know it's bad. I've made a lot of mistakes with a good sized handful of different girls over the years. There have been some I've just treated like absolute objects, some others I've idolized as visions of perfection. I'm a very passionate guy. I am deeply romantic, emotionally reckless, physically aggressive...

Yeah, it's not good.

I've managed to maintain some false idea of "behaving myself", sticking to the willfully ignorant position of knowing that I've gone too far, but didn't ever go that far, so it's not really a sin, right?

As I've already said... it's not good.

I've been praying about this whole me-being-single thing for a while now... Like, a few years... It's never far from my mind. I cannot seem to find the strength to distance myself from my own desires, whether they are actually desires of the flesh or desires of the heart doesn't matter, because either way, those desires have been getting in the way of my relationship with God.

But God wants to help me change, and that's actually pretty awesome.

I'm not by any means there yet, but it's really thrilling to know that God wants to help me change my mind in such a way that I can see a physically attractive young woman (and they're everywhere) and treat her the way He wants me to treat her no matter what my relationship to her might or might not be. That is rather difficult for me to see actually being played out, but I know it's coming.

I also know it's going to be rough going for a while. Not so crazy about that, but I know it's necessary. I want to be purified in all things - I guess that means I have to go through the fire.

But what's amazing about this is that I'm actually not all that down on myself. I normally am after I have a realization like this. I just get really angry with my own shortcomings, get really depressed about my sins, and just do not give myself anything close to a break when it comes to accepting and learning from my past mistakes.

But this time, that's not happening. This time I think I'm actually understanding a bit of what Paul talks about with that thorn in the flesh deal...

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Call me crazy, but I'm to the point where I'm not quite as afraid of confronting my weaknesses anymore because I know that when my weaknesses come to light, that's when God is going to shine on through them anyway. For all of my temptations, struggles, lusts, concerns, pains, and everything else, God is still able to make me stand, not on my own two feet, but by finally fully trusting in Him to show me what I need to see in order to be the man He wants me to be.

But at the same time, some of this hurts.

Part of this whole understanding of my own lust-driven nature is accepting that God might actually be calling me to be single. I really, really, really hope that's not the case. And I'll be honest, the idea scares me. I have wanted to be a husband and father for as much of my life as I can remember. Even as a young, young, young boy, I wanted to be a daddy. And I still do. That desire has not gone away, and if it does, it won't be overnight. So much of my life up to this point has shaped and reinforced that desire in me to the point that I can't imagine my life being complete without it.

But then, two years ago, I couldn't imagine myself having the relationship with God that I have now, so it's not like my imagination should be used as any sort of defining standard for the actualities of the real world.

How often are we willing to take the brutal, unflinchingly honest looks at ourselves? How often do we check our own eyes for the logs instead of checking other people for sawdust? I am, quite frankly, embarrassed by all of this. I'm not so embarrassed as to not be able to write it up. Besides, who of you is any closer to or further from God's standard of holiness than I am? We're all in the same boat.

What I'm embarrassed about though is realizing that the root of all of my problems was me. I railed against God, mad as a hornet because things aren't working out my way. It's seriously been throwing me off track just because I've been SO focused on getting SOMETHING to happen that I couldn't just sit still for five minutes and realize that maybe God still had something else to work over in me. And here I'd thought He was all done.

I've already learned so much and come so far and grown at such an exponential rate that it's hard for me to understand why I still mess up, and especially on things that I kinda feel like should already have been taken care of. I'm disappointed in myself when I make the same mistakes that I've been making for years. How have I not overcome this? Is it hopeless? Am I doomed to constant failure?

Well, yes. On my own, at least. I do still get frustrated with myself when I see the apparent lack of progress in my life, but I know that I'm doing a lot better than I used to, and that really is amazing, because I know that's not me. That's God.

I don't know where you are with God. I don't know how actively you see Him working in your life, but He's definitely working on me every day. There's not a day that goes by in which God doesn't show me something else, and it's everywhere I look.

The only snag is that sometimes I don't want to see it, because it hurts. Sometimes I don't want to face it because it's really scary what might be on the other side. I might have to give up something that I've wanted for my whole life. I might have to give up something that I consider to be a very part of who I am.

But if I'm getting rid of it in order to be closer to God, is that bad? Can I really be upset about that?

I don't have any great huge point to make here. I would like your prayers. I know I'm starting down a pretty difficult road - I'm going to be learning how to completely redefine my interaction with half of the human race - and I could use some encouragement. I could also use some patience, but that one's pretty much between me and God, I think.

I would like to encourage you to take a good, long, deep look at yourself. Ask God to show you what you need to see that's getting in your way to getting to Him. Even if it's something that you feel is completely insurmountable, look at it anyway. See where God is trying to take you. It might be a surprise how you wind up on the other end.

God loves you, no matter how often you try to convince Him otherwise.

Just kind of a rant thing...

I don't know if you know this already or not, but I'm looking for a church job of some sort. I don't have a Bible degree, no, but I do have a passion for God's people and an understanding of the Bible that I think can be used to help other people grow closer to Him. I've also got a mountain of student loans ready to come crashing down on my head, so, you know... job. Would be nice.

I've been applying for youth ministry positions as well as the regular pulpit job. I think I'd rather be a youth minister, just because I always get nervous talking to anybody over the age of 30. I still feel like I'm the same dorky kid I was in 9th grade, just obsessed with different comics. Holding respectable conversation with most adults means talking about... you know... stuff.

But as it is, I'm still unemployed, and I'll be honest, it's really starting to discourage me. And I think I'd be able to handle it a little better if the reasons made a bit more sense.

For instance... I know that there have been at least 5 churches I've applied to in the past year and some change that have refused to even look at my résumé just because I'm not married, which I find really interesting, since Paul specifically says in I Corinthians 7:1 that "It is good for a man not to marry."

I don't know why I'm even confused by this in the first place. So many of the churches I've interacted with ignore such huge chunks of scripture in the first place, why would I be surprised that they're ignoring other parts?

"Teacher," said John, "we saw a man driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us."

"Do not stop him," Jesus said. "No one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward."

- Mark 9:38-41

I realize I don't have the Bible degree, can't read Greek, and am only 26 years old, so there's no way in the world I could possibly be right about this, but it seems to me - and again, I realize I'm just a young buck idiot here - that this passage is pretty clearly stating that Jesus is pretty cool with His followers being in different groups, so long as they're all focused on following Him. I mean, that's what I get out of it... But hey, what do I know?

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another."

- John 13:34-35

So, wait... Love? Love is supposed to be how people know we're Christians?

So... it's not when we were baptized that identifies us as Christians, but that we love each other? It's not what version of the Bible we read that identifies us as Christians, but that we love each other? It's not how often we take communion, how many services we attend each week, how big our building is, or what it says on the sign out front that identifies us as Christians, but that we just love each other?

Interesting.

I just got turned down for a job that I really wanted because I was too honest with my beliefs. The question of one particular woman's salvation came up after one of the services, and the issue at hand was this: this woman was raised in the Baptist church, and believes that when she repented of her sins and claimed Jesus Christ as her Savior, that's when her sins were forgiven. In due keeping of Christ's commands, she was then baptized in to Him, because hey, that's what Jesus and the apostles teach that we're supposed to do. But the issue was this: the church of Christ belief is that baptism itself is the point at which your sins are forgiven, so there's no way that this woman's baptism was accepted by God because she wasn't baptized for forgiveness of her sins, she was only baptized because that's what she believes God asked her to do.

So... this woman is apparently condemned to hell because she... did what God asked her to do? What?

Look - I believe that baptism is what forgives you of your sins. I'm not saying it isn't.

But since the woman was baptized anyway... WHO CARES? What does it even matter? She's accepted Christ, hasn't she? She knows He's the only way her sins can be forgiven, doesn't she? She went through the process of baptism, didn't she? She's trying her best to follow Him and do what He asks, isn't she?

There are some folks reading this who may be scandalized by this whole thing, but I'm so far beyond the point of caring about it that I can't even pretend I'll be upset about it, so I'll just lay it out. I don't think the "Church of Christ" - as a denomination (and yeah, we're a denomination, don't even try to play like we're not) - is the only way to get to Heaven. I don't think the c-of-C is the only way to be a good Christian.

Let's consider some more Scripture together, shall we?

At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion in what was known as the Italian Regiment. He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly. One day at about three in the afternoon he had a vision. He distinctly saw an angel of God, who came to him and said, "Cornelius!"

Cornelius stared at him in fear. "What is it, Lord?" he asked.

The angel answered, "Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God. Now send men to Joppa to bring back a man named Simon who is called Peter. He is staying with Simon the tanner, whose house is by the sea."

When the angel who spoke to him had gone, Cornelius called two of his servants and a devout soldier who was one of his attendants. He told them everything that had happened and sent them to Joppa.

About noon the following day as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. Then a voice told him, "Get up, Peter. Kill and eat."

"Surely not, Lord!" Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean."

The voice spoke to him a second time, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."

This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven.

While Peter was wondering about the meaning of the vision, the men sent by Cornelius found out where Simon's house was and stopped at the gate. They called out, asking if Simon who was known as Peter was staying there.

While Peter was still thinking about the vision, the Spirit said to him, "Simon, three men are looking for you. So get up and go downstairs. Do not hesitate to go with them, for I have sent them."

Peter went down and said to the men, "I'm the one you're looking for. Why have you come?"

The men replied, "We have come from Cornelius the centurion. He is a righteous and God-fearing man, who is respected by all the Jewish people. A holy angel told him to have you come to his house so that he could hear what you have to say." Then Peter invited the men into the house to be his guests.

The next day Peter started out with them, and some of the brothers from Joppa went along. The following day he arrived in Caesarea. Cornelius was expecting them and had called together his relatives and close friends. As Peter entered the house, Cornelius met him and fell at his feet in reverence. But Peter made him get up. "Stand up," he said, "I am only a man myself."

Talking with him, Peter went inside and found a large gathering of people. He said to them: "You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean. So when I was sent for, I came without raising any objection. May I ask why you sent for me?"

Cornelius answered: "Four days ago I was in my house praying at this hour, at three in the afternoon. Suddenly a man in shining clothes stood before me and said, 'Cornelius, God has heard your prayer and remembered your gifts to the poor. Send to Joppa for Simon who is called Peter. He is a guest in the home of Simon the tanner, who lives by the sea.' So I sent for you immediately, and it was good of you to come. Now we are all here in the presence of God to listen to everything the Lord has commanded you to tell us."

Then Peter began to speak: "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right. You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, telling the good news of peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all. You know what has happened throughout Judea, beginning in Galilee after the baptism that John preached— how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how He went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with Him.

"We are witnesses of everything He did in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They killed Him by hanging him on a tree, but God raised Him from the dead on the third day and caused Him to be seen. He was not seen by all the people, but by witnesses whom God had already chosen—by us who ate and drank with Him after He rose from the dead. He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that He is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead. All the prophets testify about Him that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through his name."

While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God.

Then Peter said, "Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have." So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days.

The apostles and the brothers throughout Judea heard that the Gentiles also had received the word of God. So when Peter went up to Jerusalem, the circumcised believers criticized him and said, "You went into the house of uncircumcised men and ate with them."

Peter began and explained everything to them precisely as it had happened: "I was in the city of Joppa praying, and in a trance I saw a vision. I saw something like a large sheet being let down from heaven by its four corners, and it came down to where I was. I looked into it and saw four-footed animals of the earth, wild beasts, reptiles, and birds of the air. Then I heard a voice telling me, 'Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.'

"I replied, 'Surely not, Lord! Nothing impure or unclean has ever entered my mouth.'

"The voice spoke from heaven a second time, 'Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.' This happened three times, and then it was all pulled up to heaven again.

"Right then three men who had been sent to me from Caesarea stopped at the house where I was staying. The Spirit told me to have no hesitation about going with them. These six brothers also went with me, and we entered the man's house. He told us how he had seen an angel appear in his house and say, 'Send to Joppa for Simon who is called Peter. He will bring you a message through which you and all your household will be saved.'

"As I began to speak, the Holy Spirit came on them as He had come on us at the beginning. Then I remembered what the Lord had said: 'John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.' So if God gave them the same gift as He gave us, who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I to think that I could oppose God?"

When they heard this, they had no further objections and praised God, saying, "So then, God has granted even the Gentiles repentance unto life."

- Acts 10:1-11:18

Wait, did I just read that right? God accepted Cornelius and his household before they were even baptized?

Interesting.

And then the rest of the Christians back in Jerusalem gave Peter a hard time about associating with and accepting people who were different from them?

Interesting.

Or what about this?

When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them. When they arrived, they prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come upon any of them; they had simply been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

- Acts 8:14-17

So the folks in Samaria had been baptized, but hadn't yet been given the Holy Spirit? So baptism wasn't the only thing they needed?

Interesting.

I am a member of the Church of Christ because I believe it's the closest I've found to what God is asking us to do, but I don't for a second believe that we're so close that we've got an exclusive monopoly on the Truth.

Here's what I believe: Jesus Christ is the only way to get to God, and it is only through Christ that your sins can be forgiven. An important step in following Christ is baptism. Jesus Himself was baptized, so why on earth wouldn't we be?

But after that, it's living a life dedicated to truth, love, compassion, mercy, justice, fairness, patience, kindness, humility, evangelism, and so many other things that are so much bigger than baptism.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel."

- Matthew 23:23-24

Yeah, baptism matters, don't get me wrong. But it's not about the baptism of the body, it's about the baptism of the heart.

When will people get that? When, Lord, when?

There are folks out there who just can't get past the differences between names on our churches, and I pity those people. I'm not even mad anymore. I can't be. It's too sad.

I fully realize that there may be prospective employers reading this post, and I fully realize that this post may endanger whatever career future I could have had within the churches of Christ, but I can hold my head up and say that I really just don't care.

I'd rather die broke and homeless because I held onto my convictions that Christianity is maybe - just maybe - a bit bigger than one specific group of people than to be wealthy (or at least debt-free) and know that the only reason I ever got one cent was because I sold out my faith.

It's not up to me, it's not up to you, and it's not up to anybody else down here who makes it up there. It's up to God, and God alone. So let's all stop trying to do His job.

Sympathy for an Apostle

John the Baptist had not yet been dead for a full day.

The crowds wouldn't leave Jesus alone, even in His grief for His cousin, but He felt love for them anyway and healed their sick. As the night grew closer, He fed them all - over five thousand people - with five loaves of bread and two fish.

Once it was dark, though, Jesus told the Twelve to get out into the boat and wait for Him. After He sent the crowds home, He retreated up to the side of the mountain to pray.

The wind on the sea was fierce, and the disciples were already uneasy when they saw the impossible: there was a figure walking towards the boat, right in the middle of the water, miles from the shoreline.

"What IS that? Is that... Is that a person?"

"No way, man... There's just no way. Whatever it is, it's not human. There is no way that's a person. It's gotta be a ghost, man... That is just not possible!"

Jesus shouted out, "Hey, guys! Cool it. It's Me, don't worry."

Peter recognized the Lord's voice and leaned over the bow to get a better glimpse through the wind and the rain and the rocking of the boat. "Jesus? Oh, wow... Jesus, if that's you... If it's you, Lord, tell me to get out to you in the water."

"Well..." replied Jesus. "What are you waiting for? Come on!"

Peter's heart was pounding in his ears as he climbed over the side of the boat and touched down in the water. Tears were streaming down his face, tears of exuberant joy, mixed with the spray of the saltwater and the grime of the day's travels. He was getting closer. He was almost standing right next to the Master! The Teacher! The Lord! He was right there!

And that's when Peter noticed the chill of the wind blowing through his clothes. That's when he noticed the fury of the lightning. That's when he realized just how far he was from the boat.

And then he felt the water splash up over his head as he floundered into the sea. Gasping for air and flailing his arms in a struggle to stay afloat in his heavy wool tunic, Peter managed to choke out a simple cry for help; "Jesus! Please, help me! Save me, Lord, please!"

Jesus, standing as tranquil as He had appeared when the disciples first spotted Him walking out across the deep, dark blue expanse, reached out His arm, clasped Peter's hand, and pulled him up. When Peter had caught his breath and wiped all the water out of his eyes, he cast a sheepish glance at Jesus, who smiled softly.

"Peter... What were you afraid of? You knew it was Me! You asked Me to call you out into the water! You wanted to come out to Me! So what in the world were you afraid of? Did you think I couldn't handle it? Haven't you already seen Me raise the dead, heal the sick, let the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear, and the mute speak? Haven't you seen demons tremble at my coming? Didn't you just see Me feed over five thousand people? Peter... That was TODAY! What on earth were you afraid of?

"Peter... What did you think was going to happen to you? I was right there! You could see me! You were close enough to touch me! What did you think could possibly happen to you? Where was your faith? You trusted Me enough to leave everything you had and follow Me, what's stopping you from trusting Me now? The wind was already up when you got out of the boat. Nothing changed when you got out and came to Me.

"Peter... Don't you know who I Am yet?"

As Peter looked in His eyes and listened, the boat drew near. Jesus helped Peter climb into the boat and then followed him up. On deck, the disciples were gathered around, gazing in wide-eyed wonder and amazement at Peter and the Rabbi.

It was Peter who first fell to his knees and said, "You are, without a doubt, the Son of God."

- Matthew 14:22-33 (AJRV)

I get Peter.

I can really relate to his whole story here. I get where he's coming from, because I've been in the same place.

I've caught that first glimpse of Jesus, way off in the distance, way out where things stop making sense, and I said, "Hey! If you want me, I'll come out there, You just gotta let me know!"

And so He let me know.

So I jumped out of the boat and started running where I did not think I could even stand. I ran with all my heart, focused solely on the One who called me out to Him, and He helped me do the impossible. He brought me out to Him, carried me to where He is, showed me what He sees... And it was wonderful.

But then... but then...

But then I started noticing everything. I started noticing how far out I really was. I started noticing how hard it can be living a life wholly focused on God - hard because the World is dedicated to dragging me down to its level, completely committed to getting me dirty again so I fit in.

And that's when I fell. That's when I lost my footing and went under. That's when my faith was shaken - when I stopped focusing on Him.

And that's when He pulled me up, dusted me off, and said...

"Hey. What were you worried about? What did you possibly think was going to happen to you? Haven't I already brought you through more stuff than you thought you could ever survive in the first place? Haven't I shown you more of Myself in ways you never thought you could ever understand? Haven't I been here with you for every step?

"What were you worried about? You could see Me! You could hear Me! You could touch Me! You were so close to Me, and then you got worried... About what? About money? About time? About the future? About the past? What was it? What was it that could possibly have taken your focus off of Me? What is there worth worrying about?

"Don't you know that I love you? Don't you know that I'm never going to give up on you? Don't you know who I AM?"

I want to trust God, because I sure know that I can't trust myself all that much.

I'm forgetful. He's not.

I'm easily distracted. He's not.

I'm weak and powerless. He, most certainly, is not.

And so I find myself once again standing out in the water, and I'll admit, it's up over my ankles and occasionally splashing up to my knees. I'm scared, I don't know what I'm being called to do, and I'm really not too thrilled about a lot of the challenges that are coming my way no matter what I do.

But I am standing. Not on my own strength, but on His. My faith is completely in Him, as completely as He holds my life.

Come on out here with me. The water's nice.

Is Crazy Really That Bad?

So... I really think it's at least a decent possibility that I might actually have gone completely crazy...

Because... uhh... God talks to me.

Yeah, I know. It's nuts.

But seriously, it's also incredibly awesome.

I don't really know where to go from there. It's not like you can just tell most folks "Oh, hey, my name is Aaron, and God talks to me," and then expect the conversation to really get much more interesting than that.

I know it sounds crazy. Believe it or not, it feels crazy. But really, there's no other way I can possibly describe what's going on other than that God is talking to me.

I don't really know what this is. I think, believe and feel that it's the Holy Spirit working in me in a way that a lot of us aren't really predisposed to believe happens anymore. I've been reading my Bible, I've been sharing what I'm going through with close friends, I've been praying non-stop... I'm really trying to make sure I'm hearing what I'm hearing, because if I'm just making it all up and calling it God on my own, then... well... I guess I'm crazy.

But really, is this kind of crazy so bad?

Everybody thought Noah was crazy.

I'm sure the same can be said of Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Samuel, David, Elijah, Elisha, Daniel... Or what about John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, John the Revelator, Philip, Stephen... or even Jesus Himself?

I don't want to sound like I think I'm on par with any of those guys.

But I do know that we all worship the same God.

So why can't my God work the same miracles today that He worked back then?

More to the point, I guess... Instead of why can't He... Why wouldn't He?

Let me make this super clear here: yes, I am really saying that I really think that God is delivering personal messages directly to me. I don't hear a voice from the clouds, I just know that He's talking to me.

Part of why I know He's talking to me is that I'm not the only person He's talking to, nor am I part of some exclusive group.

I have friends who are on this wavelength - we're seeing the same stuff and it's kinda scary all around. We all want the same thing - to know God as deeply as we can - but there is just so much of today's world that has told us that God retired. There are so many in the world - in Christianity - who feel that God, for some vaguely defined reason, stopped working the same miracles as He once did in the Bible, and as I understand it, that's got something to do with the Bible itself existing. Since we have the Bible, God doesn't pull out the fireworks anymore.

Well... I have a counter-theory.

What if God didn't stop working the miracles at all? What if the only reason we ever stopped seeing God doing awesome stuff - like no-possible-explanation-for-this-except-God stuff - is because we stopped looking?

What if we don't see miracles because we don't think they're out there?

The Bible is pretty consistent in getting out the point that if you are genuinely looking for God, He'll show Himself to you.

So... score another one for the Bible being awesome...

Another part of what lets me know that this - whatever this is - is from God is that it doesn't contradict the Bible. In fact, everything I'm reading in the Bible makes me think that this is exactly what the Bible is talking about.

Is the fruit of the Spirit in your life because you chose to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled?

Or has the Holy Spirit borne that fruit in your life, changing you to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled?

I don't know about you, but I know that - for myself - it's the latter. I am a better person because God came into my life in such an unbelievably huge way. And I think "unbelievably" might be a pretty big word there.

Just how unbelievable is it for you that God talks to me? Just how unbelievable is it for you that God changed me? Just how unbelievable is it for you that He wants to do the same with you?

Just how alive is God for you?

Do you believe that He did all that crazy miracle stuff?

Or do you believe that He does all that crazy miracle stuff?

I don't want to claim anything special or unique here - it's not. The salvation of Jesus Christ is not unique to me. The Bible is not my own little special secret book. This is open for everyone. Every single person on this planet can get here if they choose to do so.

I really hope you will choose to do so, because trust me, it's awesome out here. Yeah, it's... it's weird at times. It's scary sometimes. Above all, it's enough to make a guy really question himself as well as his faith, but so far, the answer to all of the questions has consistently been GOD, in gigantic impossible-to-miss ways.

If God isn't talking to me, whatever it is that is talking to me - my own crazy mind or some other force unknown - is certainly telling me a whole lot about some really awesome stuff going down.

If God isn't talking to me, I have sent those letters and made those phone calls and seen those people and had those conversations that have ultimately ended up in somebody seeing God in a huge, huge, huge way - whether it's me or the people I'm talking to or even all of us... And it doesn't make a lot of sense for anything except God to be doing that.

If God isn't talking to me, then I have somehow found the exact right mental instability, because it has made me nicer, kinder, more patient, more joyous, more loving... It's made me a better man, being this crazy.

If this is crazy, it is an awesome crazy, and I really hope you get it.

I don't know - you might already be here. Maybe we just haven't talked about it. But one thing that I've found is that when you meet somebody else who is here, you know. Pretty much right away. As soon as God comes up - which is very quickly - you just know that you're talking to someone else who is seeing the same thing as you, and it's earth-shattering. It's SO big.

So very big.

And it's everywhere.

And it's all the time.

And it's real.

It's unmistakable. It's unavoidable. It's undeniable.

It's God.

But what if I'm just seeing what I want to see?

Well, since what I want to see is God in the first place... How is that bad?

And didn't Jesus in fact tell us that if we want to see God, that we would?

Isn't that the whole point of the ask-seek-knock deal? Ask and you'll receive, seek and you'll find, knock and the door will be opened to you? Isn't that a promise from Jesus Himself?

But it sounds so crazy. God talks to me? Really? That's what the homeless guy on the sidewalk in front of the Walgreens said, too.

Well... Yeah... But like I said... People thought Noah was crazy. People thought Peter and the other apostles were drunk on Pentecost. In I Corinthians 14, Paul tells the Corinthians that when they're actually displaying their spiritual gifts, non-believers are just going to be confused and think that they're all crazy people.

So again... Is crazy really that bad?

Call me crazy if you must. I'll take it.

But I think God and I are going to some pretty amazing places with the crazy. So I'm definitely along for the ride.

Get on board with me. See where it goes. I promise you'll like it.

If you're already on board... Can't wait to see where we wind up together.

But either way... Let's talk about it.