A Genuine Plea for Some Help

Hi.  I don't know if you've ever been here before, so allow me to make some preliminary introductions.

I'm Aaron Rushton, and I am a voice crying out in the wilderness, declaring the way of the Lord.

The particular wilderness I find myself in is the jam-band crowd.  If you don't know what a jam-band crowd is like, imagine everything you've ever heard about Woodstock distilled into one place.  It's kinda like that.

As you might have imagined, this isn't exactly the most church-going group of folks out there.

But they are still people, and they do still need Jesus, and they do definitely still need someone to talk to them about Him.

Over the past three years, God has made it plainly evident to me that I am called to be at least one person sharing the goodness of Christ with the people around me in the jam-band crowd, and specifically, in the Perpetual Groove crowd.

I've mentioned my work in the PGroove circles before.  I am already accepted as "the preacher" in that crowd.  I've served communion at Amberland, the band's three-day camping & music festival, for two years running.  I've seen a lot of love among these people.  They are definitely searching for the Truth.  I've been in hard spots before in trying to reach out to this crowd.  God delivered my help then, and I'm confident He'll do the same thing again now.

I'm specifically asking for help in regards to one thing: getting there.

This year, the Perpetual Groove New Year's Eve run is in Atlanta, Georgia, and I'm going with my fiancée and sister in tow.  We could use a little help in the way of gas money and other expenses for the two days we'll be down there.  It's not a lot, but it is more than I have.  I know Christmas is a hard time of year, financially, but I'm just asking for a little bit of help - little bits add up to a big lot.

You can go to my PayPal donation page and make your donation there, any amount helps.

I realize this may sound like I'm trying to solicit donations in the name of the Lord just so I can take my girlfriend and little sister to a couple of concerts, but I assure you, this is work.  This is my mission field.  This is where God has asked me to make His voice heard.  I can't go to concerts anymore without somebody asking me, "Hey, you're that preacher guy, right?"  And that's when my night always gets interesting.

It's because I go to Perpetual Groove shows that I know Mark and Lisa, who have been incredibly supportive to me as fellow lights in the darkness.

It's because I go to Perpetual Groove shows that I talked to Brad until 6:00 AM last year.

It's because I go to Perpetual Groove shows that I helped Jill redefine her understanding of what God has asked His church to be.

It's because I go to Perpetual Groove shows that I was asked by complete strangers to perform their wedding which gave me an opportunity to present the power of God's Love to a group of people who might not have ever heard it otherwise.

There is work to be done, and I am trying my best to do it.  I'd appreciate some help to get a little further down the road.  God bless you.

Jesus Is Lord. RON PAUL 2012! WOO!

A little under 4 years ago now, I wrote a thing (on Facebook) about what I saw at the time as a dangerous devotion to then-candidate Barack Obama in his bid for the presidency for the United States.  And then, once he won that bid, I had some other thoughts (also on Facebook) about what that meant for the future of America.

The biggest thing that worried me when Obama was running for president was the rabid support he was getting, the almost cultic devotion, the pervasive attitude that when Obama became president, everything would just be better.

So when he won (which, yeah, was kinda inevitable, especially up against John McCain), I was not surprised to see the massive celebrations, the incredible overreactions (nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize after two weeks in office, won the award after eight and a half months), or the continuation of the "Obama can do no wrong" train of thought...

And then reality set in.

People thought they weren't going to have to pay taxes anymore, or deal with the financial mess our nation has been in for the past decade, or grapple with the questions of morality in a time of war.

The man is only a president, not Almighty God, reshaping reality at the merest whim.

He's only a man.

No more, no less.

So...  where do I stand on all that stuff when it comes to the guy I actually want to see as the next president?

I cannot possibly overstate how much I want to see Ron Paul win the 2012 presidential election.  I spend more time on his official campaign website than I do on my email.  I'm constantly looking for new videos to share the message, like this hour-long documentary on the grassroots movement behind Dr. Paul, or this 13-minute discussion about US troops and their support for his foreign policy.

I hate talking about politics...  unless I'm talking about Ron Paul.

But the thing that I'm worried about is falling into the same trap that I warned against in 2007 when Obama was running.  Have I become a cultist?  Am I just chanting the name because I'm hypnotized by the charisma?

Well...  I sure don't think so...  I mean, really...  Watch ANY video of Ron Paul.  Charisma isn't his defining trait.  He's not polished, he's not rehearsed, he's not dropping sound bites...  He's genuine.  He's sincere.  He's passionate.  I just happen to think he's right.

I don't think I'd care if it was Ron Paul as president or not so long as whoever does become president will do the things he's talking about, like ending all the wars we're in, bringing all of the troops home, eliminating the IRS, ending the Federal Reserve, cutting one trillion dollars (that's $1,000,000,000,000) out of the budget in the first year, returning the powers of government to the states, strictly following the Constitution... Yeah, I'd vote for Obama if he was actually going to do that.  I'd vote for Chuck E. Cheese if he was actually going to do that.

But Obama ran on closing down Guantanamo, which hasn't happened.  He ran on withdrawing from Iraq and Afghanistan, which has kinda happened - we've ended official combat operations in Iraq, but we're still leaving thousands of military contractors (nice word for mercenary) over there and building the world's largest embassy to house our fake troops.  He also ran on repealing the Patriot Act, which he actually extended.

I think I'll vote for the guy who has been saying the exact same thing for 30 years, because I really, really, really like what he's got to say.

So what's all this got to do with Jesus?

Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?”

But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?” 

“Caesar’s,” they replied. 

Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”
When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away.

Matthew 22:15-22

Is my vote Caesar's?  Or is my vote God's?  If I am to "eat or drink or whatever" to the glory of the Lord, does voting fall into the "whatever"?

I went to Harding University, a small-ish private Church of Christ affiliated school in Searcy, Arkansas.  My first semester was the fall of 2001.  I hadn't been in school for a full month when the 9/11 attacks hit.  I can't exactly say I'm proud of the way I thought about politics back then - but I'm not proud of the way I thought about love, God, or a great deal many other things, either.  I've grown up a lot in the past decade, and I find myself more willing to espouse views of international diplomacy that don't involve carpet bombing.

As I'm sure you can reasonably infer, the political climate at Harding is overwhelmingly Republican, or at least right-wing.  Democrats/left-wingers were not given the fairest of shakes, largely due to a perceived approval by Democrats at Harding of such un-Christian things as abortion, gay marriage, and giving money to poor people.

Whenever discussions of politics came up (which was far more often than I'd like to admit), the inevitable question came up of how these Christian people, dear friends of mine, could vote for politicians who supported such un-Christian things.  The answer I heard over and over again (although not exclusively) was that they did not vote their Christianity.  I heard one professor (who I thought was a total jerk) state that he is not a Christian in the voting booth.

And that, dear reader, is MESSED. UP.

I cannot personally envision a worldview in which one can separate his or her faith from any aspect of his or her life in good conscience.  If you're not a Christian in the voting booth, why would you still be a Christian at work?  Or on the highway?  Or in a bar?

Christianity isn't a thing you do, it's an attempt to change who you are.  In following Christ, we are making strides towards being Him, allowing the Holy Spirit to change us more and more as we continue to focus on the Love of the Father for all mankind.

So am I saying that all good Christians have to vote Republican?

Holy crap, no.  Not at all.  Goodness.  That's a horrid idea.

What I am saying, however, is that if you have to turn off the Jesus part of you to justify voting the way you want to, maybe you just shouldn't vote that way.

I'm voting for Ron Paul because he's crazy libertarian, especially compared to the rest of the GOP candidates.  I like libertarianism.  I believe God created us with free will, and I can't see why we'd let the government take that away.

Now...  that's me.  That's my view on politics through the lens of faith.  I personally believe that the world (or at the very least, the United States) would be a whole lot better off if we could just get the government to leave things alone, here and abroad.

I don't know who you're planning on voting for in the 2012 election.  I hope it's Ron Paul, because I genuinely believe he's the best man for the job, especially with the condition the nation is in.  I also hope that I can do some small part in making you aware of who this man is and encouraging you to check out his website, watch the interviews, read up on his stance on the issues, know what he's saying and decide how you feel about it, because the mainstream media certainly isn't going out if its way to tell you anything about him - and if they do, it's only because they're telling you (or even Ron Paul himself) he has no chance of winning.

But no matter who you're voting for, if you can't reconcile your beliefs with your ballot, please, just don't vote.  It's OK.  If your vote is not to the glory of God at the very least in your own conscience, why on earth are you even voting?  What can possibly be more important?  Does it matter - in the slightest - what other people do in relation to your walk with God?

And if you already do vote your faith, I'd like to encourage you to do something I had to do in the last election.  Sit down and look at everything you believe about politics.  Look at what the guys you support believe.  Now look at what Jesus believes.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:34-40

Love and Love.

Bombing Pakistan (or any other country) is not Loving, in my view of Love.  Locking people up for decades because of non-violent victimless crimes is not Loving.  Restricting the God-given ability to make our own mistakes and learn from them is not Loving.  But hey... that's just me.

I'm not questioning anything about where my priorities lie.  Jesus is still Hombre numero uno in mi corazon.  But hot skippity dang if Ron Paul ain't just a fascinating man.  I want him to be the next President of the United States.  I want that to be a thing that is.

But should I really even care?  After all...  "This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing through..."

Talk to me, people.

My Fiancée Listens to Horrible Music

OK, I know I'm kind of a music snob...

But seriously, my fiancée - my wonderful, sweet, beautiful, loving fiancée - listens to some terrible music.

And here's the thing - she KNOWS it's bad!  She will freely admit to it!  Without defense or pretense!  She chooses to listen to awful music.

And it's not like everything she listens to is bad...

But really, one Justin Beiber song is bad enough, right?  Throw the Spice Girls, Katy Perry, and Britney Spears on top of it, and man...  Part of me wonders why I'm even dating this girl.

But then, a part of me also wonders why I didn't get super powers last week when I put a spider in the microwave and taunted it into biting me, so I guess it's perfectly OK for me to ignore some of these things that go through my head...

So the music snob in me is fighting with the good boyfriend in me.  The good boyfriend wants to just let her listen to her stuff, even when she turns to me and says, "You are probably going to hate this, but I like it, so, whatever..."  But the music snob is tempted to always carry my iPod and completely dominate the listening choices, making sure she is at least exposed to all the (objectively awesome, of course) music that I listen to, which she can't help but like, because, you know...  it's actually good.

I mean, really...  How could someone NOT enjoy a 20-minute-plus prog rock instrumental freakout?  Come on. 

Lest anyone reading this take me far too seriously here, let me spell this out: I realize that I am not the arbiter of good taste, but again...  even SHE says it's bad music.

So why listen to it?

Annie and I listen to music very differently.  There is a growing area of overlap.  She's introducing me to things I'm enjoying (Seryn, for instance, is definitely a winner), and I'm indoctrinating her with things I listen to (she really likes the select Yes songs I've played for her, which is only natural, because, you know...  it's Yes and they're awesome), and we're just enjoying each other's company.

But man...  The known-to-be-bad music...  That's...  wow.

I'll admit to having some awful music in my collection...  Starship's "We Built This City," for instance.  That song is the worst.  But I have it.  Sometimes I use it as a weapon, sometimes it just gets stuck in my head and the only way I can get it out is to listen to the whole awful, stupid, bad thing.  It's an earworm, and can only be extracted through a painful process.

And yet...  somehow...  I love her.  Not like it makes me some noble prince or anything for being able to look past Beiber, but it really is a challenge.  It's my own hangup.

Annie has flaws other than her musical taste.  Right now, I wouldn't be able to tell you what they are, but I'm confident that they do exist.  In my love for her, I find myself looking past the mistakes and seeing the beauty of who she is.

I need to get better at doing that for everybody else, too.

I fully realize that there's a difference between liking people and loving people.  I've even written about that before, to some extent.  But I've also got to say (to remind myself) that not liking someone is no excuse for not loving them.

It's easy for me to love Annie - she's my fiancée.  I want her to be around.  I want to be nice to her.  She makes me happy.  I want to make her happy.  It's a mutual joy for us to simply be around each other.  So in that, I find myself willing to overlook things like horrible, horrible, horrible music.

But what about the folks in my life who I don't find it as easy to love?  There are definitely people God put in my life who pretty well get on just about all the nerves I've got...  But they still deserve to be loved, right?

Is it the most loving thing to do, telling someone, "Hey, every time you open your mouth, I wish that you were doing the exact opposite of that"?  I don't think so...

But should I lie?

"Can't help about the shape I'm in,
I can't sing, I ain't pretty, and my legs are thin...
But don't ask me what I think of you,
I might not give the answer that you want me to..."

- Fleetwood Mac, "Oh Well"

I don't have an answer for that.  At all.

There are people in my life who I find it extraordinarily difficult to deal with, just on a personal basis. I have made LEAPS and BOUNDS in the past three years towards not being the genuine thoroughbred asshole I once was, but occasionally it comes out.

And I don't have any idea why.

I have been called to the Love of Christ in all that I do.  I am a slave to the Gospel, and the Gospel is Love.  Love is my one single task.

And I have found in Annie Newhouse a person who has done nothing but encourage me to Love others around me better.

I have found a girl who Loves God way more than she loves me, but still loves me way more than I was ready for.  I have been reading through Ephesians 5 a whole lot lately, really thinking about the parallels Paul makes between Christ's Love for the church and a husband's love for his wife.  I have learned a lot about what it means to Love a church in the past six months...  and I want to Love Annie like that.  I want to know what it is to Love someone else by dying to myself, by seeking only her best, laying my life down entirely for her.

I want to be Christ in this world to those who meet me, and I want to learn how to Love them as Christ loves them by learning what the love for my wife should be, and I want to learn that with Annie.

I love you, Annie.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Thank you for saying yes.

Grapes to Raisins

Since a fairly young age I have had one idea for a tattoo: a bunch of grapes, so once I'm all wrinkled, it'll be a bunch of raisins and still make sense as a tattoo.

I must admit that the idea of a tattoo has started to dig a little deeper than that.

The biggest thing about tattoos - and you can't have the discussion without this coming up - is that they're THERE FOR A WHILE, which has constantly been the largest roadblock in my mind towards ever getting one.  I've never had an idea (other than the grapes) that I really thought was worth having on me as long as there is a me for it to be on.

I already believe that tattoos say a lot about the person who wears them.  If your tattoo says "PARTY NAKIT", that's broadcasting a completely different message than, say, a wedding band that will never fall off or get lost.

So what do I want to say about myself forever?  Who do I want to say it to?  Who don't I need to say it to?  How much can I say?  What is worth saying?

If I'm gonna put it on myself, it's gonna have to be...  man, it's gonna have to be BIG.  It's gonna have to be something that makes the first slide of a Power Point about me.  I mean, I really like Twinkies, but it seems that might be a dumb message to communicate to people across the room at all times.  I would like to make sure that I'm saying something that's worth saying.  Even with as much as I totally dig on Led Zeppelin, I don't feel like that's something crying out to be broadcast on an epidermal frequency.

But there ARE things that I want to say, and the thing about saying them with tattoos is that it seems to be a connection into another subset of the world that a lot of people in Christian circles are uncomfortable reaching out to.  This could just be a reflection of my own experience, who knows, but it seems that I've run across a lot of negative attitudes and judgmental thinking towards those who choose to decorate themselves with tattoos.  Is it just because of the single reference against tattoos found in the Bible (Leviticus 19:28)?  Or is it because of the association between tattoos and the counterculture?

Jesus strikes me as a remarkably countercultural figure.  I can only hope to be even a fraction of what He was, and I especially feel called to go out to the ones Jesus specifically stated He was called to - the tax collectors and sinners, the "sick", not the healthy.

There's a lot of power in tattoos, especially among those who actually have tattoos.  Every tattoo - whether a good decision or not - represents something that the person who wears it thought (at least at one point) to be worth saying forever.

Is it worth saying that I am completely sold to following my God through His Son, listening to His Spirit?  Can I put that out there?  Is that allowed?

I don't even know if I'll ever wind up getting a tattoo.  I've been thinking about it, and I've got a couple ideas...  but the only reason I'd even get it is to bear witness to those in the darkness who don't know that there is a better way.  If I can show someone how worthwhile my faith is for me, maybe that will lead to a conversation that changes things for them.

Who knows, maybe I should just get the entire text of Mere Christianity on my bicep.

(OK, that might be a little small...  Definitely more room on my stomach...)

Birthday Fruit Check

OK, so...  I'm 28 today.  That's a thing.

I did manage to survive being 27.  That's something that Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse did not accomplish...  I would like to believe that this is related in at least a few ways to my decision to make non-heroin life choices.

Well...  OK, that's unfair to Robert Johnson.  But man, that guy's life was so hard, being let go at 27 was a commutation of his sentence in view of time served.

I am definitely not the same dude I was a year ago.  I believe I'm a better guy.  I'm going to go ahead and chalk all the credit for that up to God, because He knows better than I do that I didn't do it on my own.

Over the past year, I have found myself growing more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.  In case you missed what I was doing there, those are the fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23.

Now...  I did not choose to be those things.  I wanted to be those things, sure, but I did not set out to do those things.  I set out to follow God more closely.  I chose to submit to His Will.  I chose to model my life on the example and teachings of Jesus.  I made room for the Holy Spirit in my life, and - whaddya know - it made an extraordinary difference.

I don't know where you're at with the Holy Spirit.  Growing up in the Church of Christ, even with the parents that I have, I didn't hear much about it.  Mom and Dad definitely talked about it more than anyone at church ever did.  There was always this vague idea floating around (thanks to some disgustingly bad understandings of I Corinthians 13) that the Holy Spirit only exists (currently) within the pages of the Bible.

THAT IS REALLY DUMB THEOLOGY.

The Holy Spirit is a part of God.  It is, in fact, the Spirit of God Himself.  Hence the "Holy" part.  God is eternal.  Any one part of eternity is still an eternal thing.  So the Spirit is just as eternal as God Himself.

If we say that the Spirit is in the Bible itself, then the Bible is on par with God.  That ain't cutting it.  If we say, however, that the Spirit merely interacts with us through the Bible, then we are saying things that the Bible does not say about the Spirit.

Jesus makes it perfectly clear that the Spirit would allow His disciples to not only understand all of His teachings, but also enable them and embolden them to actually carry out His work on earth.  I try to live my life by the basic guideline that Jesus knew what He was talking about, so I'm thinking that the Spirit just might still be active in the world today.  Hope you're with me on that one.

But I think so many people miss the work of the Spirit in their own lives because they're so focused on the fruit thereof... instead of the Spirit itself.

If I nail an apple to a pine tree, that doesn't make it an apple tree, does it?

So why do so many people seem to believe that we can simply choose to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, etc... and call it a day on getting the fruits of the Spirit into our lives?

The thing is that while, yes, we can make choices that move us towards being better people, one of the key choices we have to make is completely tied up in whether or not we actually have the ability to do anything good for ourselves.

As I mentioned in the last post, there are some pretty substantial points to be picked up from an understanding of the nature of God, and how that nature reflects on the Love that God has shown us so richly.

The Spirit is God.  God is Love.  The Spirit is Love.  The Spirit dwelling in us is Love dwelling in us.

But is it showing up?

I can't check your life, I can only look at mine...  which is what I've been doing a lot of lately.  I've been looking to see if those fruits have shown up in my life, and I believe they have.  I believe, fully, that the Holy Spirit has managed to get through my thick skull in a few places and transform me into a better dude, which is pretty solid all around, if you ask me.

So many people have an end-times-only view of Christianity.  They're convinced that the only good of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus was our redemption, so we can get to Heaven when we die.

Here's the thing...  I don't know when I'm gonna die, but I do know that I ain't dead yet, so the Heaven bits don't do me a ton of good right now.  I also know that before He died, Jesus sure had a whole dang lot of stuff to say about the way we live.

The transformative powers of the Gospel are not limited to the eternal, but reach out to the temporal, as well.  This world can be better.  This life can be easier.  Love can be stronger.  We just have to accept that as reality and furthermore understand that the only way it ever will actually happen is through the direct involvement of God Himself...  in the form of His Spirit coming down and showing us how to live.

The Spirit is definitely the part of the Trinity that confuses people the most.  Some people are so confused by it that they refuse to accept the possibility of it even existing or working in our lives today, and that's a bummer, because I'd hate to believe that I don't serve an active, living God.  Otherwise, what's the point?

Aren't we to a place where we can actually trust God when He says He'll do a thing?

I mean, He at least worked out some good in me...  That's gotta count for something, right?

Some thoughts about the Trinity

I'm assuming that you're familiar with the concept of the Trinity.  Father, Son, Spirit...  Individual aspects of God, yet all God.  Three distinct facets of one eternal constant.

So let's talk about that.

God is Love, right?

So the Father is Love, the Son is Love, the Spirit is Love...  God is Love, God is Love, God is Love...

Jesus, the Son, lived a life without sin.  Jesus is God is Love.  A life of the Love of God is a life without sin.

Jesus, who is God, tells us that the greatest commandments, the two principles upon which the entirety of the rest of the Bible is founded, are to Love God with everything in ourselves and to Love Others as ourselves.

So Jesus Loves God with all of His heart, soul, and mind, yes?

And Jesus also Loves His neighbor as Himself, right?

And Himself is God, right?

Jesus, therefore, Loves His neighbor as He Loves God.

Jesus' Love for God = Jesus' Love for not-God

Is that even possible?  Can the Son Love us as much as He Loves the Father?  Would that mean that the Son worships us?

Or does Love of God carry with it understandings of the difference between God and not-God?

God is Holy.  God is Good.  God is Eternal.

We're...  not.

But I Love my mom, I Love my sister, I Love (the woman that prayerfully one day will be my wife should that be in God's plan for me), I Love the women I go to church with, I Love my female friends... and I Love them all very differently.

I don't Love every woman I see like she's my mom.  My mom is the only mom who gets to be called my mom, and nothing can ever change that relationship because of its very defined nature.  My mom is my mom.  No one else is my mom, so I don't act like anyone else is my mom.

So does Jesus feel the same way about us and God the Father?

God the Father is the only one who is God the Father.  The exclusivity of His nature necessitates a proper response from appropriate Love for Him.  That response is called worship.  God is way bigger than we are. God deserves worship.  That's what Love for God is.  Loving God specifically demands worship because of a recognition that God, in His defined nature, is the sole claimant to the "worthy of worship" title.

Loving God for being God is worshiping God.

Loving me for being me is most assuredly not worshiping me.

But if God Loves me the same way He Loves you...

And if I am supposed to Love you the same way He Loves me...

Then am I supposed to Love you the same way I Love God?  Or even Love God the same way I Love you?

I don't know how many of you care about these things or ever even think of them, but this is what my brain swirls around 90% of the time.

Back to that greatest commandments thing.  Jesus tells us to Love God with everything in us and Love our neighbors as though they were us.

And now think about this.

Jesus, the Son, Loves the Father.  The Son also Loves the Spirit, which is His own Spirit.  So in the perfection of holiness of the Trinity, we find that the Son Loves God and His neighbor, the Spirit, as He Loves Himself...  ALSO GOD.

Now...  I realize that we're not Jesus.  But we are supposed to be as like Him as we possibly can, right?

So maybe we should all just be super crazy on the Love for everybody and God.

I hope I'm making sense.  I wrote most of this at 3AM.  It's just a thing I've had going through my head.  Tell me if I'm wrong.

A Conversation I'm Having With Myself

I wonder where I stand in God's eyes. How am I doing?

Am I doing the best I can?

Yes...

...but?

I'm not doing the best I could.

Ah.  I see where the concern comes in.  But let me ask me this.  Am I intentionally doing less than the best I know how to do at this point in my life, with the tools I have at my disposal?

No...

So I'm trying to Love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength?

Yeah...

And I'm trying my best to Love Others as I Love myself, seeking what is the best for the most people instead of just for me?

Umm...  Yes?

My confidence is overwhelming.

Right, yeah, I...  I think I'm doing that?  I'm at least TRYING to do that...  But the thing is I just...  ugh.  I'm just so bad at it.  Very bad.  Just...  Dude.  I am not good at that thing.

Hey, come on...  I'm not...  umm...  awful.  I'm not...  like...  OK, I haven't killed anybody.  That's pretty good.

Right, but can I really be content with just not being so bad that I have to go to jail?  I'm already borderline homeless.  Jail would kinda be a step up.  Three hots and a cot, man.  Can't argue with that.  

Point granted.

But I already know that "not bad" isn't good enough.  Following Christ is not about just not being bad, it is about actively being good.  It is about self-sacrificial, holy, outward-moving Love.  And I'm not great at that.

Am I so sure of that, though?  Obviously not everybody on this planet thinks I'm a total jerk.

Well, sure, but that's just because not everybody on the planet has been burdened with the knowledge that I exist.

Oh, come on...  I'm not that bad.

Easy for me to say.

Look...  I've got a hugely supportive family, I'm obviously very loved by a whole lot of people who aren't even related to me, I've got a lot of friends who would take a bullet for me...  I've made a positive impact on at least a few people's lives or else nobody would give me the time of day, much less house me and feed me.

I...  have a point.

It's pretty useless arguing with me.

But look at me!  I'm a failure.  Nothing is going the way it's supposed to.

How are things "supposed to" go, then?

Well...  Alright, look, don't get smart.  But seriously, I don't have a job --

Wrong. I don't have an income.  I have a job.  I am doing the job God asked me to do by reaching out to the people He has placed in my life.  I've definitely made an impact on those people's lives.

Sure, but Mussolini made an impact on Italy.  Doesn't mean it was good.

I'm surely not comparing myself to a fascist dictator, am I?  Come on.

No, but look, man...  Maybe I'm in the spot I'm in because I've just made so many dumb choices over the last decade that I've lost all context of what a good life is even supposed to be like.

Well, maybe...  But maybe I was led here.  Maybe I'm in a position where I can reach out to people that others can't, or don't, or won't.  Maybe God wants me living the life I'm living because it puts me in a position to reach His lost sheep.

Ugh.  Man.  Maybe...  I dunno.  I just feel like I've got to be making some huge mistake that I just can't see yet.

Well...  Yeah.  I am.  I'm still human.  I'm not going to be not making at least one huge mistake until I become something else.  God is refining me.  Am I strong enough to endure the fire?

How do I know God is refining me in the first place?  How do I know this fire isn't God telling me I should go somewhere that isn't on fire?

Didn't Jesus say that those who follow Him would suffer for Him?

Well, yeah, but isn't every other verse in the book of Proverbs about how fools destroy themselves and think they're doing the right thing?  Am I in the spot I'm in because I've chosen to trust God for all I need, or is it just because I'm an idiot?

God makes the wisdom of the world foolishness.  All of the Apostles but John met violent deaths, and John died an old man in exile.  Do I think they had the reliable material comforts that I'm really whining about?

No, but that whole "Hey, my shadow touched a lame guy and now he can walk" kind of thing is a pretty solid indicator that God is a fan of what a dude is doing.  I can't claim that.

No, because that's not my story.  I'm not there.  I'm here.  I have to be what God asked me to be, not what He asked other people to be.

Yeah...  Man.  I hate it when I'm right.

I know, it's hard, but hey, I'm not the only one who deals with that problem.  Tons of people hate it when I'm right, apparently...

Will it ever get better?

Of course!

OK, yeah...  Will it ever get better in this lifetime?

Don't look at me!  How am I supposed to know?  But does it really matter if my life gets better?  Isn't it about me getting better?  Isn't it about my relationship with God getting better?  Isn't it about the world getting better?  God never said I'd have a reliable car, a fully stocked fridge, and my very own key to my very own place.

And it's getting hot again, too...

Now I'm not even making a point, I'm just whining.

Yeah, I'm right...  sorry.

It's OK.

But seriously, how do I know if I'm doing the right thing?

What am I trying to do?

Reach the lost.  Specifically, those that most folks can't, won't, haven't, don't...  Whatever.  I'm trying to be the doctor going to the sick, not to the healthy.

And what is the point of everything in Luke 15?

...wow, yeah...

So do I think I'm doing something God wants somebody down here to do?

Yeah.

Do I think He's equipped me to do that task?

...yyyyyesssss?

Come on.  On May 28, 2011, I performed a wedding at a concert festival for two people I'd never met.  In a crowd that is not used to having people around who identify themselves as a preacher, everybody who knows me knows me specifically as the preacher.  Even guys in the bands that played the festival know I'm a preacher.  I am making an impact, dude.  That was a victory.  I read some Truth to some people who might not hear it very often.  Love was the message, man, and the people responded.

Yeah...  Yeah, they did...  That was pretty awesome...

Totally awesome!  Incredibly awesome!  Wicked awesome!

But what about when I'm not at Amberland?  I mean, that's...  that's kind of its own thing, man...  I can't expect every day life to be like Amberland.

No, but I can still treat people like I treat them at Amberland.  I already know I love everybody at Amberland, right?

Right...

And where does that get me?

Uhh...  Some pretty awesome places, really...

Exactly!  And how do I feel about my ministry when I'm in the PGroove crowd?

Pretty, uhh...  pretty groovy, man...

Right on, brother.  So just treat everybody that way.  Love them all.  Be honest about who I am and what God has done for me.  Be bold in my Love for them, and be bold about how important God is in my life.

But is everybody else ready for the same "ministry style" I have in that world?

Not at all...  but am I even called to minister to everybody else in the first place?

I...  I guess not...

Right.  So don't sweat it.  The people I am sent to will be the ones who respond.  The ones I wasn't sent to will either take it and benefit from it or toss it out completely.  Even Jesus was sent to a specific crowd to do His thing.

Right...  Man.  Jesus.  What a guy, right?

Totally.

Wow.  What a guy.

So are we good?

Well...  For now...  Yeah, I guess...

I'll take what I can get.

A Toast to a Bro

I would like to tell you about my friend and Brother Chris Cochran.

This handsome chap in the kilt is a king among ants.

I have known Chris Cochran to carry 5 packs of cigarettes with him at all times.

I have seen Chris drink every bit as much as I drink, if not more...  And folks, I can drink a lot.  Chris is a wee man.  He's - MAYBE - a third my size.

(I didn't say he held it as well as I do, though...)

(I've seen him pretty drunk, is what I'm saying.)

And lest you think that I'm performing a character assasination on my friend, let me assure you that I am writing about Chris for the simple fact that I realize that not everybody can actually meet him and know him the way I do, but I wish that everybody could, because my goodness, is he an awesome guy.

Ever since I left Searcy in 2009, Chris's place, whever it has been throughout the past few years, has always been the place to be.  Not just for me, but for everybody.  When class or work was over, everybody showed up at Chris's place.

Whether it was for Twilight Zone Thursdays (it was Thursdays, right?), or just for a smoke, a beer, and some time with the boys, it was where you went.

I've never been to "Chris's place" when it was just Chris's place.  Chris has always had roommates, and he definitely didn't aim to cause trouble with them, but if you needed a couch, Chris had two, plus the air mattress if you'd rather sleep on that.  If you hadn't had a beer in a while, Chris would wet your whistle.  If you hadn't had a bite to eat, Chris was already pulling something out of the fridge for you.

I was at Chris's once when Chris was not - this is just how Chris lives his life, he never knows who will be in his house once he gets there, but he is never upset to see that you are in his house - but Freddie and Dave were, along with a few other guys.  When Chris came in, arms laden from a trip to Walmart, his eyes met Freddie's.

"Oh, good, you're here!"

Chris set a bag down and picked through another until he pulled out a 12 pack of really nice toilet paper, which he chucked to Freddie.

"Now, STOP stealin' my damn TOILET PAPER!"

Freddie laughed, I laughed, Dave laughed, Chris laughed... not quite as much as we did...

They weren't stealing Chris's paper to mess with him - they were out of toilet paper!  Often!  And too negligent to buy more!

And what does Chris Cochran, this...  oh, this SHINING example of nicotine-stained vodka-soaked Love...  what does this AMAZING man do?

HE GIVES THEM TOILET PAPER.

AND NOT A SMALL AMOUNT OF IT.

That is awesome.  This dude rules at life.

Let me drop some more truth on you.  Here's the contents of a text message conversation between myself and Chris:

Me - "Just F your I...  Corwin and I will be rolling in late tomorrow night."

Chris - "Yeah since it seems there was some miscommunication, I'm already in vermont..."

Me - "When do you get back?"

Chris - "Not till after you leave I'd guess.  Next thursday."

Me - "Well...  Shit.  We still love you.  October?  Or are you coming to Frank Turner?"

Chris - "We will see.   Money is tight with loan payments."

Me - "I hear you."

Chris - "Life is life.  Make sure my boys give you the treatment you deserve and I'll repay them."

Chris (six minutes later) - "Cause I'll be damned if my missionaries don't get their vacation."

IS THAT A DUDE, OR IS THAT A DUDE?

Chris Cochran introduced me to Frank Turner.  Chris Cochran is a dude that loves the music of Frank Turner.  You should listen to Frank Turner.  Frank Turner is playing in Dallas in early October.  I know Chris Cochran well enough to know pretty well where seeing Frank Turner live in concert ranks on his list of life priorities.  The dude does not know if he will make it to see Frank Turner.

But look at the NEXT THING HE SAYS!!!  THE VERY NEXT THOUGHT HE COMMUNICATES!!!

The dude is not even going to be in town when we visit and he insists that our desires are met at his expense.

The guy is in some straits with the money, on a different side of the country from us, not even gonna maybe get to catch us KINDA, and he will not hear of me and Corwin going without.

My GOODNESS, what a dude that is.

I know some generous folks.  I have been crazy blessed by the people in my life here in Arlington, and a lot of those people are definitely on the list of reasons why I can say with absolute surety and certainty that God has called me to work here.

But even still, I wish everybody could see the insane GOODNESS in a dude like Chris Cochran, and be more like THAT.

He's not gonna call me a liar for saying that he spent a good part of his recent years as an angry little man who drank a lot of his problems into temporary submission, and then when the drinking caused problems, he drank those problems into submission as well.

But that's all past-tense, folks.

God has moved in this man.  God has accomplished wonders with his life.  God has BLESSED him.

The dude would not only give you the shirt off his back, he'd give me three shirts off of his floor to sew together into something I could maybe wear.

That guy?  With all the different cigarettes and the crankiness and the iron liver?  He is absolutely one of the most loving dudes I have ever met, and I pray that I can be more like him as he tries to be more like Christ.