Over the years, I've had more than a few discussions with people about the things that are in the Bible that they find to be morally objectionable. I've discussed one of those things here on the blog before - Jephthah - and what I hope I have made clear in that blog post as well as in the conversations I've had with people throughout the years is that Jephthah's story isn't meant to be seen as a story of what it means to be an incredible follower of God. Jephthah's story is an example of getting it wrong. Jephthah's story is a bad example that should really be paid attention to with the understanding that his example is bad.
I used to get in trouble for watching Beavis & Butt-head on Mtv. (Really, I got in trouble just about any time my parents found out I was watching Mtv.) I remember being a kid and hearing all the stories on the news about other kids my age winding up in the hospital or the morgue for trying to repeat stunts that Beavis & Butt-head had done on their show... even though they were cartoons...
But I always thought of Beavis & Butt-head as perfectly good examples of what not to do in life - immature, crude, and quite frankly hilarious examples of the exact opposite of goodness. So long as I live my life looking nothing like Beavis and/or Butt-head, I think I'll be OK.
Is it bad that I feel the same way about a couple of ministers who were in my life at very pivotal times in my journey to God?
I started my time at Harding University as a Bible major with absolutely zero intention of ever participating in any sort of ministry. My youth minister in high school made sure of that. If you're in the very small bracket of people who both (1) read my blog and (2) know who my youth minister was in high school, you're probably not surprised by this. By the time I graduated high school, I was so repulsed, so turned off, so vehemently against the idea of doing anything that even came close to resembling what he did in the name of Christ that I just swore that I'd never even be involved. My goal - and I told people this - was to be the old man who sat at the back of the church and just knew a lot of stuff.
But at the same time... My youth minister was a pretty big dude, easy for (most) people to get along with, always quick with a joke, very passionate about the things he cared about...
And then there was the blatant favoritism, the wildly inappropriate conversations around members of the youth group, the encouragement of all sorts of idiocy and illegalities so long as they were funny, the way-creepy and pretty dang near illegal way he behaved toward attractive 17 year old girls...
It's like looking in a fun-house mirror. I know that what I'm looking at isn't really me, but dang it all if there aren't so many similarities that it's kinda unsettling to think that I might actually look like that, after all...
What do I do with that?
What would I say to that guy if I saw him on the street tomorrow?
Would I tell him just how awful he was at his job? Would I call down the righteous thunder and shame him publicly for his gross negligence in caring for the souls that were placed in his charge? Would I just start reading scripture at him? It's not like there's a shortage of options.
Or would I thank him for being so amazingly crappy at his job that it (eventually) led me to realize that God was calling me to go into the same field, just to try to do it better?
In every step I made during the summer of my youth ministry internship, the one question I asked myself over and over and over was, "What would my youth minister have done?"
And then I just did the opposite of that. I think it turned out OK for the most part.
But that brings up another bad example I've been blessed with. The pulpit minister I worked with for that summer... oh, goodness. Go read Matthew 23. The whole chapter would be good, but make sure you hit the first 8 verses. That's a pretty good picture of this guy.
Again... If you're in that select group of folks who (1) read my stuff and (2) know who I had to deal with during the summer of that internship, you probably already know at least part of how bad it was.
I have never met a minister who better embodied every complaint I've ever heard about Christians. It's... it's impressive, to say the least.
During my summer there, I was tasked with the job of getting the guys of the youth group more experienced in leading the church services. The Wednesday night class meetings were JUST class meetings - there was nothing for the whole church to get together. The Sunday PM services were at 1:30, and I never saw a one of them with more than 25 people (a whopping 10% of the AM service numbers). So that leaves Sunday morning as the only viable time to get the boys involved in the worship service in front of the congregation to actually gain any confidence in their abilities to lead God's flock. But preacher-man wasn't OK with that idea - one of the boys might make a mistake and scare off visitors (who, of course, all expect 16 year olds to be perfect for their first time behind a microphone).
In preparing for that Youth Sunday, preacher-man found out I would not be wearing a suit in the pulpit. I think he might have had a slight coronary at that point. How could I possibly preach without wearing a suit? What would the rich old lady think?
Look... I've had people call me out on a lot of things for being a fat guy that make a lot of sense. I will readily concede that I would not make a very good sprinter. I am fully aware that I would probably be very bad at ballet. But I find it pretty hard to believe that my weight (impressive though it may be) has any impact on my ability to effectively spread the Gospel. (This was brought into question, more than once, and in person, by a man who has been a preacher for more than twice my lifespan. WOW.)
Again... I don't think that there's any bigger reason that people don't go to church than people who already do go to church.
I don't want to spread gossip, and I hope I haven't been. I just know that these two guys have made inestimably valuable impacts on my ministry - or my mission work or my preaching or whatever it is you want to call whatever I'm doing in Arlington - and for that, I cannot thank them enough.
But I really don't know what it's like to thank someone for being so disgustingly terrible at their job that it inspired me to do it better.
ME!
I haven't actually done the math or anything, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess that at least a full third of all of the money that I've ever had in my life has gone towards comics, and that at least 75% of that third came from gambling.
I have got a straight up hate for Contemporary Christian Music. I know all of the lyrics to all of the songs on the first five Black Sabbath albums. I know more personal details about the four members of Led Zeppelin than I do about most of the girls I've dated.
I can vividly remember smoking an entire pack of cigarettes in the space of an hour. On the other hand, there is a night in my past that I have almost no memory of whatsoever, except for the part where I threw up on the rug of the (complete strangers') house I was partying in, and then woke up - naked - on a different couch than the one I remembered being on when I threw up.
I have cheated, lied, manipulated, stolen, and done all manner of other horrible, wicked, indulgent things, destructive to myself as well as those around me, all in the name of having a good time...
...and yet I still look at those two guys...
...and all I can think is, "God... please... just don't let me be like that!"
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