Spiritual Nudity and the Unbearable Weight

I have almost no idea what I'm doing.

While I am confident that God has plans for me and is working to deliver me to a place where I am best suited to carry out His Will, I struggle with finding the confidence that I'll actually do a good job once I get there.

How much of that do I actually need, anyway? How much confidence do I need in my own broken self?

At what point does humility become bad self-esteem?

Look, I know I'm good at some stuff. I don't think I'm entirely worthless. I know I'm occasionally funny. I know I'm a pretty decent cook. I know I have moments of being a good listener (even though I'm deaf).

But I also know that I am pretty abrasive at times. I know that I've got a tendency towards arrogance. I know I'm pretty good at being an obstinate jerk about getting what I want, when I want it, and when I don't get it, I either turn into this really grouchy twit or I just get super depressed, which is no good, either. I bring everybody else down, because let's face it, nobody likes to see a big fat guy sad. It's a whole lot of sad in one place. (Plus, that's like seeing Santa Claus sad.)

So what can I do with that - confined within my own broken life, limited by my imperfect understanding - to bring others closer to God?

I think it's a pretty big step (for me, at least) to just open up about how much I fall short of getting this right.

I'm OK with saying I'm imperfect. Everybody is! There's no shame in a vague admission of exactly the same guilt that everyone on the planet carries.

I'm still OK with saying I've committed specific sins at undefined points in my past. Yeah, I'm guilty of lust - what guy isn't? Sure, there's been nights where I had too much to drink - I've been in college for nearly a decade. Come on. Let's not be silly.

But what about opening up about the late-night conversations with a married woman that went a good bit farther than they should have? I'm cringing even now just thinking about it. What about telling you I once got so drunk I blacked out, barfed all over some stranger's rug, and woke up with no idea where my glasses, wallet, keys, shirt, pants, or dignity were? That story used to be hilarious... Now it has, for some reason, been sucked completely dry of all of the humor. Funny how that happens.

I've made mistakes. I'm not proud of them. I'm not proud of my behavior. I'm not proud of who I am.

But isn't that kinda the point?

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

- James 4:10

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed...

- James 5:16a

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...

- I Thessalonians 5:11a

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

- Ephesians 4:32

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

- II Corinthians 1:4-7

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

- Romans 12:9-16

Is it just me, or is all of that impossible if we're not actually letting each other in and showing each other who we really are?

How am I supposed to carry your burdens if the only confession I ever get from you is "I'm a sinner, pray for me"?

How are you supposed to show sincere love for me if I don't let you actually see who I am?

Aren't we supposed to be dead to ourselves and to the world, living as new creatures in Christ? Aren't we supposed to be conquering the hurdle of selfish pride and humbling ourselves in the sight of God and man?

I'm not saying we've all got to stand up in front of a crowd of millions and confess to the worst things we've ever done. (And believe me - while kissing a married woman and blacking out drunk are pretty high on the list, they're not the worst things I've ever done.) What I'm saying is that we've got to get over this idea that we're good enough to do it all on our own.

There's this epidemic - it's like some sort of theological mutant super-virus - among Christians today. People drop it in conversation when life is at its low points. There'll be a pat on the back, a pitying smile, and then it comes, the evil, horrible, entirely false and entirely corrupted statement, direct from Satan himself...

"God will never give you more than you can handle."

Oh, how I shudder at that sentence. It is blasphemy, it is heresy, and it is just flat out wrong.

Now, I don't think that people are being malicious when they quote it... And for the most part, folks think they're quoting the Bible. But what they think they're quoting is actually very different.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

- I Corinthians 10:13

So Paul tells us that God will not let us be tempted beyond what we can handle, and I believe that is completely true. In every temptation, in every struggle of sin, there is always a way out. There is always the power within you and me to say no, to move on, to resist evil and embrace good. We don't always do it, but the capacity is there.

But that's very, very, very different from saying that God will never allow things in our life to get so bad that we can't handle it on our own. It's very different from saying that God will make sure that - even though we are promised, several times throughout the Bible, that following God will lead to difficulties in and with this world - our problems will never be bigger than we are.

Look - it's us versus the world. It's the straight and narrow versus the crooked and wide. It's the redeemed few versus the teeming, unwashed masses. There are still people all over this world who are dying for sharing in our faith.

If your problems aren't more than you can bear every single day, get on your knees and thank God with everything in you right now.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

- II Corinthians 1:8-11, emphasis added

Paul and Timothy were under more than they could bear, so what makes us think we're gonna be any different?

When trouble comes - and I don't even know why I'm saying this, because if you've got the capacity to read what I'm writing you already know that trouble WILL come - you've got to have something other than your own two feet holding you up, or else you're gonna fall.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- II Corinthians 12:7-10

So in our weaknesses, we learn to better lean on God... But there's still one more step.

God's strength is unbelievable. Don't get me wrong - it still works wonders in the world today. God still shapes the world as well as the hearts and minds and lives of the people that live in it.

But God doesn't give hugs. God doesn't physically come sit next to us in the hospital and weep with the bad news. God doesn't take the long drives late at night talking about the heartbreak and laughing through it just to keep from crying so much you can't see the road.

That's what we're supposed to do for each other, for God.

That's why we're here.

That's why you have me and I have you. That's why we know everyone we know, in Christ or outside of Christ.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

- Galatians 6:2

It's all about love, isn't it? I John 3:11 says, "This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another." Jesus says that the greatest command is to love God, but the second is to love your neighbor.

So when are we going to get over this antiseptic, sterile, distant, cold love for the body of Christ?

When are we going to stop telling each other, "I'm praying for you," and instead start holding each other close and praying together when we learn that there's something to be prayed for?

When are we going to start tearing down the walls of pride, ignoring the self-comforting desire to look like we've got everything together?

When are we going to realize that we can't do this on our own - none of us - and that the ONLY way we can expect to get where we're going is by holding each other tight and marching on to the goal together?

Our salvation is found in Christ alone. Grace comes from God alone. Our guidance is through the Spirit alone.

But we are never alone.

I am imperfect, I am broken, I am flawed, and I am weak, but I have found strength by leaning wholly on God and I'm slowly understanding how to lean on the Christians around me. I want to do a better job of letting them - YOU - lean on me, and I want to do a better job of allowing myself to lean on others...

...and I still find that to be very hard.

I love you.